Help

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#825By laveda on Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 10:47 pm

i have been with this guy off and on for 5 years and he and i are very much in love but, he hurt me so many times but the love over powers that hurt and i feel that ever since he got back with me this time as a committment things have been okay now we are swamped with bills i am the only one working right now and the load is becoming unbarable. he's tried looking for work but nothing comes we've been living together for almost 6 months and things are real real bad i need help and i have no one to turn to so what can i do if we get kick out of our apartment? please help................

63391513
#827By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 4:45 pm

dear laveda
My heart bleeds- you have projected your misery in such away that only advice I can give is -KICK OUT THAT STUD WHO IS ONLY THERE FOR <FONT COLOR="ff0000">•••••••</FONT> YOU AND EATING AT YOUR EXPENCE. YOU WILL FIND MANY CAPABLE MEN WILLING TO TAKE CHARGE AND AS WELL AS <FONT COLOR="ff0000">••••</FONT>>

SHAHRUK

[katherine14]

Dump him...you don't deserve that!!!

[aieshakkp]

Iam a muslim girl and iam going to marry a hindu boy after completion of my studies.The problem is with my father.I said to my father about this matter. he said to complete the studies first and i will do favour for u. and said not to talk with him until completion of my studies.But he is cheating me.he is seeing matches to me.I respected to my father and i revealed my opinion to him.I may not feel bad if he might refused at beginning only.But he cheated me.He likes him.But because of the caste problem he is not agreeing. Without him i cant lead my marriage life.Moreover,i cant go out of the house by hurting my parents.Eventhough he cheated me,i dont want to do like that. We both are studying MCA final year at present.Until completion of our studies we are not able to do anything.There are so many guys who are studying by taking me as inspration.so loving a other caste boy is not a mistake in my point of view.I think that religion doesnt matter for a happy life. Because there are no gods separately for muslims and hindus. there is one power which is taking this world.i believe in that. So,give me suggestion for my problem.He is thinking about society and his influence. does society this think bad if we do intercaste marrige by taking the permission of parents? Is society is now like that? if one and girl are walking besides, they are thinking badly.No need to bother about such type of society. Society contains good and bad.In present generation,soceity is thiking in a good manner.Coming to my father's influence.... All will think good and think that " His daughter respected him and said her opinion,its good".iam right? Without mutual understanding so many marriages are spoiling. Not only love marriages but also arranged marriages.If we do marriage for such persons,so many audience will come,they gives their blessings and they eat the food and leave. will they bother about the them after marriage that whether they are happy are not?Finally i want to say that there is nothing in caste. the hearts should be pure.In my opinion if there are any misleadings,plz suggest me. I want to say lot.But i dont want to get bore to u.

[oklahoma.girl]

Any Advice? Please Help!!

I am also in a similar situation, I have been dating a Pakistani Muslim man for about 3 months but we have known each other for about 2 years. He is 23, and lives with his family with his 2 married brothers, his neice, and his sister.His family came here with him about 12 years ago and they are very strict and traditional. When our relationship first began, we knew it was something special, and he liked me ALOT. In the beginning, we breifly discussed how his family would react to the fact that I was a non-muslim American 18 year-old, but we both agreed that because I had strong morals and withheld my virginity and was quite modest, that in time, if they met me, they would approve. Meanwhile, his cousins, sister, and friends, all happily knew I was his girlfriend, and approved.

Soon after our relationship began, my boyfriend was offered a carrer oppurtunity through his uncle's business in Miami, Florida. He decided to move there within the next month or so. When he told me, I began to worry, and as that month came to a close, I made it clear to him how important it is to tell his family about me before he goes, so they can meet me and know who I am. If he could not do that before he left, I worried his family would never have a chance to get to know me so they could grow to approve because he had moved.

A few days later, he told me that he sat his mother down to talk about me and after his continuous questioning, he broke and told her we were dating. She knew we were frinds but now she had put the peices together that he had been leaving all the time to see- ME.

When she found out I was an 18 year-old non-muslim American, she immediately disappoved and judged me based on her stereotypes of morals and decency of American girls. She told him we are both too young and that we are making the wrong decision, she thinks he is too young to know what a bad decision this is. She says he doesn't see that I am not good for him because he has no experience with realtionships. (She doesnt know he previously dated an American girl for 2 years. He couldnt tell them because she had a bad reputation and had a child- not with him). He cannot tell her thiis either so that she understand he does have a good judgment through his experience with her.

He came over to tell me this news and cried and said that now, because I had pressured him to tell her at too early of a time, our relationship had no chance of working because she would never approve. If she met me, we both agreed that she would undertsand how different I am from what she thinks, but now my bf thinks that is impossible because she has already put her foot down.



[b]Is there any way for this to work?
Can he talk to his mother and try to get her to listen, meet me, and trust his judgment of me?
Is is probable that she would approve of me eventually?
How could she not approve when I am such a good girl? He does more than I do, she just doesn't know.
I am even better than a lot of Muslim girls he knows (as far as morals), but she cuts me off because I am American. She does not undertsand.

Any Ideas??[/B[

[ali_california]

Originally Posted by oklahoma.girl

Any Advice? Please Help!!

I am also in a similar situation, I have been dating a Pakistani Muslim man for about 3 months but we have known each other for about 2 years. He is 23, and lives with his family with his 2 married brothers, his neice, and his sister.His family came here with him about 12 years ago and they are very strict and traditional. When our relationship first began, we knew it was something special, and he liked me ALOT. In the beginning, we breifly discussed how his family would react to the fact that I was a non-muslim American 18 year-old, but we both agreed that because I had strong morals and withheld my virginity and was quite modest, that in time, if they met me, they would approve. Meanwhile, his cousins, sister, and friends, all happily knew I was his girlfriend, and approved.

Soon after our relationship began, my boyfriend was offered a carrer oppurtunity through his uncle's business in Miami, Florida. He decided to move there within the next month or so. When he told me, I began to worry, and as that month came to a close, I made it clear to him how important it is to tell his family about me before he goes, so they can meet me and know who I am. If he could not do that before he left, I worried his family would never have a chance to get to know me so they could grow to approve because he had moved.

A few days later, he told me that he sat his mother down to talk about me and after his continuous questioning, he broke and told her we were dating. She knew we were frinds but now she had put the peices together that he had been leaving all the time to see- ME.

When she found out I was an 18 year-old non-muslim American, she immediately disappoved and judged me based on her stereotypes of morals and decency of American girls. She told him we are both too young and that we are making the wrong decision, she thinks he is too young to know what a bad decision this is. She says he doesn't see that I am not good for him because he has no experience with realtionships. (She doesnt know he previously dated an American girl for 2 years. He couldnt tell them because she had a bad reputation and had a child- not with him). He cannot tell her thiis either so that she understand he does have a good judgment through his experience with her.

He came over to tell me this news and cried and said that now, because I had pressured him to tell her at too early of a time, our relationship had no chance of working because she would never approve. If she met me, we both agreed that she would undertsand how different I am from what she thinks, but now my bf thinks that is impossible because she has already put her foot down.



[b]Is there any way for this to work?
Can he talk to his mother and try to get her to listen, meet me, and trust his judgment of me?
Is is probable that she would approve of me eventually?
How could she not approve when I am such a good girl? He does more than I do, she just doesn't know.
I am even better than a lot of Muslim girls he knows (as far as morals), but she cuts me off because I am American. She does not undertsand.

Any Ideas??[/B[

hello and salaam.

how old are you and what is your profession/education ? were you involved in with this guy physically ? and to which part of pakistan does he belongs to and how him and his family migrated to US (green card lottery, or sponsorship, or asylum or something else) ?

i am kinda new to this website, so don't know how to contact you in-person. let me know if you can help in that.


thanks and bye.
ali

[oklahoma.girl]

Originally Posted by ali_california

hello and salaam.

how old are you and what is your profession/education ? were you involved in with this guy physically ? and to which part of pakistan does he belongs to and how him and his family migrated to US (green card lottery, or sponsorship, or asylum or something else) ?

i am kinda new to this website, so don't know how to contact you in-person. let me know if you can help in that.


thanks and bye.
ali

I'm 18, a senior in high school. We have not had sex... His family came here with green cards, but I am not sure from which part of Pakistan... Does all of that matter?

I am very interested in hearing any advice you have that could help me! Thank You!!

[ali_california]

hi there.


great to hear your reply back. i tried sending you pvt message but for some reason i can't send it on this website.

it really does matter. people with asylum, and those on sponsor visas have different motives and a peculiar style of life. it's great that you haven't had any physical relations at this point.

[ali_from_california]

Originally Posted by oklahoma.girl

I'm 18, a senior in high school. We have not had sex... His family came here with green cards, but I am not sure from which part of Pakistan... Does all of that matter?

I am very interested in hearing any advice you have that could help me! Thank You!!

hello there.

i am trying to respond back here, but the website is not allowing me any private messages. i don't know how to fix this issue.

can you send me a message on the y a h o o ? i'm usually online too.


sincerely and salaam.

[oklahoma.girl]

It did not work out, He was arranged a marriage by his family and now has no choice. We loved eachother alot but it is hopeless.