My husband lied to me three times about looking at internet

[Lost-in-lies]

Originally Posted by uzume

I get so frustrated with people advising women to "join in" with their Husband's porn obsessions. Why should we do that?

I have huge issues with pornography - with net porn and DVDs, you watch a porn movie and have no way of knowing what the money the film/site makes goes towards. Some may be completely above board but there is no way to tell.

Pornography of all kinds has frequently been linked with prostitution, women trafficking, child pornography, drugs and even gun running.

Why in Hell should I agree to that just so my husband can get his kicks guilt free?

How many women have agreed to "join in" to save their relationship and hated every minute - but once you cross that line it is much harder to state a case to go back!

Maybe these men need to learn that if they want to be in a relationship, they have to make some sacrifices. Behaviour which was permissable when they only had themselves to consider is no longer appropriate as a married man. Just as I have stopped going out every weekend with my friends, spending large sums of money on DVDs and CDs, spending hours on the telephone and disappearing for a long weekend at the drop of a hat because it would be unfair to my Husband. I miss those activities no less than he would miss porn believe me!!

If they are adult enough to walk down the aisle, they have to be man enough to start living an adult life, otherwise stay single and do what you please!

I think we women should start "accidentally" leaving images of huge erect members around the place we have been secretly viewing behind our husband's backs and see how our husbands feel. I know how mine would feel and it's a double standard I am not prepared to accept!

I totally understand your pain and anger! I have been married for twenty years and I am forty now.This has been going on since the birth of the computer "95. This is my fourth and final bout with lies, deception,and humiliation ( when I am a willing partner whom always liked sex with him, but to only get turned down, or ignored).However, he enjoys the secrets of internet sex,chats,personals (searches wherever we've lived since he was a lifer Navy Submariner.I have tried all the above join,ignore,be more aggressive, therapy, and finally not to communicate because it leaves him very angry.However, I have waited months/years alone raising three children monogamously patiently waiting for his return to have history repeat itself all over again...Now being retired and only 43 he is not the least bit interested for sex.It was once/twice a month (between homecomings)and now it is months with him being next to me fianlly at night.I have always had my doubt with the slang for sailors,"the whore house which her swears on our kids lives he was there with one of his shipmates getting his rocks off while he waited downstairs.Phone has been turned off for periods of the day when he was working.Concluding,I work out,try to remain fit for a 5'5 frame 130lbs.I work outside the home to contribute and re focused living for the kids now.Instead of looking for work, he is looking for woman in personals near our home.I have finally realized it is not me, my appearance,fault,but it is his obsession to be discreet,dishonest,perversional ways with his own self in the shower or with himself through a computer screen and/or cell phone.Today is day two and I have not been asleep yet,nor has he have any more words of his guilt.I feel I lost twenty years of my life begging for the man I love to give me the same respect I showed him.The saddest thing is I'm not crying, or mad with anger, I finally reached that candle and blew it out.What examples would I be teaching our daughters(20,17) this is acceptable behavior from men and we need to turn a blind eye because it is in there blood.?My Catholic values tell me different.Wake up people this is NOT acceptable.I am going to file a separation order for us to be apart while maybe he needs to think outside the home and look in and maybe just maybe he will understand it not only hurts (me) the wife, but all the family,Good luck to all..Life will go on with some and some without

[THCGIRLFRIEND]

I Agree with you, It is a total double standard, apparently its not gonna change, hmm cant wait till the day when they say "oh shes just a woman let her watch her porn" LOL. and i must admit I do like it, but i dont think its right to watch it behind your spouses back, and I definitely HATE when people say its in a mans blood, what I say to that is a weak mans blood.

Originally Posted by uzume

I get so frustrated with people advising women to "join in" with their Husband's porn obsessions. Why should we do that?

I have huge issues with pornography - with net porn and DVDs, you watch a porn movie and have no way of knowing what the money the film/site makes goes towards. Some may be completely above board but there is no way to tell.

Pornography of all kinds has frequently been linked with prostitution, women trafficking, child pornography, drugs and even gun running.

Why in Hell should I agree to that just so my husband can get his kicks guilt free?

How many women have agreed to "join in" to save their relationship and hated every minute - but once you cross that line it is much harder to state a case to go back!

Maybe these men need to learn that if they want to be in a relationship, they have to make some sacrifices. Behaviour which was permissable when they only had themselves to consider is no longer appropriate as a married man. Just as I have stopped going out every weekend with my friends, spending large sums of money on DVDs and CDs, spending hours on the telephone and disappearing for a long weekend at the drop of a hat because it would be unfair to my Husband. I miss those activities no less than he would miss porn believe me!!

If they are adult enough to walk down the aisle, they have to be man enough to start living an adult life, otherwise stay single and do what you please!

I think we women should start "accidentally" leaving images of huge erect members around the place we have been secretly viewing behind our husband's backs and see how our husbands feel. I know how mine would feel and it's a double standard I am not prepared to accept!

[oncebitten2shy]

I wish I found this website about a year ago....I am going through a divorce which is partially because of porn, I had to find out for myself what he was doing so I put a tracking device on the computer.
When you no longer trust your spouse, you really have no marriage left, the fact that he was accessing porn and I'm talking several times a day, in the morning before he went to work and then just before he went to bed....not normal.
When I confronted him about it, he said its just something he needs, I think it is shallow, and demeaning, an attempt to pretend you are something you are not, background...my stbx has cerebral palsy living out fantasies for your own pleasure and lieing about it, is not normal and not right in a marriage....a marriage is a partnership, you join together to become one for better or for worse....if you can nor deal with things...whether its porn or otherwise....you have no marriage...no relationship...no partnership....nothing....that is what I had nothing...

[Mobius]

I can understand a woman disagreeing with me. Why should she share with a man who watches porn. Perhaps your prudish nature should be examined here.

Your husband is looking at women who are not ashamed of their bodies.

Most wives after they are married they blame the fact that they are no longer sexy on their kids, or that the husband all he has to do is work, or she works and watches the kids to or she works and has a house to run, etc etc etc. the list goes on and on.

You females who are such prudes you cant imagine your husband looking at another woman and getting horny, you ladies are living in a world of denial.

Stop being the wife in bed or out of it be the girlfriend, hell ladies make the man work for it dont just give it up.

If you want to keep him interested play a little hard to get.

Were you all always so prudish as you are now, what did you do to make the guy get interested in you in the first place?

Somewhere in you there is a sexy female trapped up in your role of mom.

Women who have kids stop being lovers and expect the man to not have the same urges he carried into the relationship, then you wonder why in gods name he is looking at some sexy women or talking to someone who is stroking his ego.

I am telling you ladies from the point of a man, that is our biggest vice we love to have our ego stroked.

We can love you dearly but sex is still in your ball park even after marriage. Most guys will wait on the female to initial the moves, because we hate to be rejected.

You can agree or disagree but I have been married for 38 years and i can tell you 100%, my wife is sexy, two she will watch porn with me and she does not nag me about watching it on tv or on the pc.
I did have an internet issue arise and it was the worst moments in my life but
it was a growth experience it hurt my wife but she did forgive me.
It can happen but she learned from it as well that she has to pay attention to me as my lover not as just my wife or the mother of my children.

You both have to be open and you cant harbor grudges or feel bad that the guy is looking at another women. Why not just ask him to tell you what he find appealing about her. He has to be open to you looking at others as well however its only fair.

[Mobius]

Originally Posted by uzume

I get so frustrated with people advising women to "join in" with their Husband's porn obsessions. Why should we do that?

I have huge issues with pornography - with net porn and DVDs, you watch a porn movie and have no way of knowing what the money the film/site makes goes towards. Some may be completely above board but there is no way to tell.

Pornography of all kinds has frequently been linked with prostitution, women trafficking, child pornography, drugs and even gun running.

Why in Hell should I agree to that just so my husband can get his kicks guilt free?

How many women have agreed to "join in" to save their relationship and hated every minute - but once you cross that line it is much harder to state a case to go back!

Maybe these men need to learn that if they want to be in a relationship, they have to make some sacrifices. Behaviour which was permissable when they only had themselves to consider is no longer appropriate as a married man. Just as I have stopped going out every weekend with my friends, spending large sums of money on DVDs and CDs, spending hours on the telephone and disappearing for a long weekend at the drop of a hat because it would be unfair to my Husband. I miss those activities no less than he would miss porn believe me!!

If they are adult enough to walk down the aisle, they have to be man enough to start living an adult life, otherwise stay single and do what you please!

I think we women should start "accidentally" leaving images of huge erect members around the place we have been secretly viewing behind our husband's backs and see how our husbands feel. I know how mine would feel and it's a double standard I am not prepared to accept!

uzume you really sound like an angry women maybe that is your real problem

[Marinewife]

So I have the same problem with my husband to. He looks me straight in the eyes and lies to me about watching porn (even when I catch him in the "act"). It makes me so mad but then I dont want start a fight because then he always tries to make things seem my fault. I guess that is another problem in it self. But why lie about porn? I told him I watch it to. Im honest with him. I told him he dont have to lie about it. But he lies alot, he lies about even taking out trash. Then I see it around and get mad cause why not just tell me you forgot. Then it starts bigger fights. I get so aggravated. I think if we get a divorce its going to be because of his lying.

[Ricardo22]

I was reading this and other threads, and I have a question for the married women:

What percentage of married men in the world do you believe that watch porn on a frequent basis?

Next question: Why did you never thought your husband would be a relatively normal guy within that group??

[confused1]

I've been having a porn problem with my husband for sometime. At first i tried to ignore it. i made the mistake in a previous relationship of trying to be "the cool girlfriend" and join in. It just escalated to being asked to be in threesomes and my feelings not being taken seriously. well, i tried to let my husband know how I have been feeling, and he responds by saying i put up with it with people i dated before so whats the problem...The problem is being understanding and cool about it didn't really improve the relationships. And after having 2 kids and us being less intimate because of complications, yes i am a little insecure.