| |
| |
|
Relationships Information |
|
|
|
Do You Enable?
We all have behaviors, tendencies, patterns, and the keen ability to recognize any and all of them. However, when we become so accustomed and engrossed in them, how do we know we are enabling someone else's negative behaviors? It can be sometimes difficult to come to this realization, because it is has been such a seemingly normal way of life for a designated period of time. Characteristics that you accept and are willing to ignore in your interpersonal relationships that yield dark consequences, somehow put the offender you enable high upon a pedestal, while you struggle to remain vertical. Surrender.... You will surrender your values when you enable someone else to practice their ill-fated behaviors, because you fear some form of backlash, whether it be distance, abuse, living up to their great expectations, or upsetting their seedy addictions. Your future is tied directly to theirs, your self-progression is like shadows that block the sun, yet you seem to continually turn your face to reality, only to enable another day. You are not worthy! Much of our lives we are consciously or sub-consciously injected via family, friends, society, or self, that we are simply not equal to others and consequently not worth as much as others are. This false assumption is reinforced by the behaviors we enable and allow. Therefore, the cycle comes full circle constantly until it is broken....and you are the only one who can break it! Relief..... One day in the future, you receive a magical key that unlocks the doors and the cuffs that bind your hands together. The sun beams effortlessly across an icy blue sky, the birds are more audible, your purpose and focus suddenly have more clarity then ever before. You have reached your personal nirvana! That place in the future is not that far off and that key resides inside you! This is especially true, as long as you can understand that not condoning their behaviors is the only way out. This means that their next drinking binge and you calling their work the following morning, only to lie about their inability to show up, or defending your kids' actions when they are obviously wrong, has to stop! You are worthy and your self respect will generate inner strength to confront this and any other demons that cast long shadows onto your life. Asking yourself in your most logical voice if it is a healthy behavior you are allowing, will bring you the answers you seek. Subsequently, understanding that you as the enabler is as unhealthy as the enablee is an excellent place to start a discontinuation of enabling. Although what do you do with the person you are enabling after you realize this? Options...... You do have them, and exercising them would be your immanent next step. You can express you displeasure that these behaviors have gone unnoticed for too long and that it is detrimentally affecting the relationship, so it therefore must stop! Moreover, you can verbalize this in a heart to heart discussion, and in understanding the need for your personal mental health, give them an overdue ultimatum. Separating yourself from this environment should be indicated if: You receive a flat-out no in your attempts to let them know that the enabling is going to discontinue and their behavior is, also. If they refuse to receive any type of treatment for their problems or addictions. If the effect of their negative behavior is obviously polluting any children. Note: When children are in the picture, normal and unaffected, much thought must be given before breaking up their home and often should be put off until they leave the comforts of home. This may sound like living in an internal prison, however, the health of any child must be paramount! A sacrifice for the betterment of any children cannot be overstated. In addition, it would inevitably yield the relationship more time to mend, as you continue your attempts to work on eliminating your enabling, and assisting your partner's problematic behaviors to discontinue. The main point to understand is that enabling someone to cyclically delve into their poor behaviors and addictions must be recognized with your own clarity and logic; then immediately discontinued in order for you and your relationship to maintain it's health. So ask yourself, is enabling worth it?....Undoubtedly you will come to the realization, it is most definitely not. Brian Maloney - http://ValuePrep.com Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality relationship advice from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Relationship Help & Advice **Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Can We Still Be Friends? Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. BurkEven when we know it's time to end a romantic relationship, we're often reluctant to let go of our partners completely. Why Do Men Cheat? In my relationship work, this question is probably the one I hear most often. It is not an easy question to answer. Relationship Advice: Wash that (Bad) Man Out of Your Hair Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims he loves you but can't marry you because a) his wife won't divorce him, b) his last relationship ended so painfully it nearly killed him, or c) he can't make a commitment until his kids are in college?Here's how to get unstuck:1) Understand that you have no control over the situation. You can't make a man love you the way you deserve to be loved, you can't keep him faithful, you can't force him to tell the truth. Defining Relationship Commitment for Todays Couples WHAT IS COMMITMENT?The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents. How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life So your relationship has changed over the years since you said "I do" and sex isn't what it use to be. First you should know that this is normal and common place in the majority of marriages. Sacred Relationships: Divine Source Questions and Answers from Divine Source Through Barbara Rose1. What is a "Sacred Relationship"?2. Managing Miscommunication - Asking The Agreement Question? A man and woman were trying to move a couch in their home one fine morning, and were not meeting with much success. With mounting frustration in her voice, the woman said "Honey, I don't think we are ever going to get this couch out of the living room. Mindfulness and Flirting: Seizing The Moment Have you ever been called a flirt?Good for you!You see, flirting is an excellent indication that you are Paying Attention.In fact, it is impossible to flirt without being mindful. What is Romance and How Can You be More Romantic? Whether you've been in a relationship for a long time, or whether you're single, learning how to romance and love can be one of the greatest skills to learn (and believe me being romantic takes a lot of skill, for both men and women!). But what exactly is romance? I mean if you don't know what romance is, then how can you ever be romantic?Being romantic is more than just a bunch of red roses and a box of chocolates, it is showing your partner that you love, respect and admire them for who they are and it is form of showing them how much they mean to you. What Keeps Couples Together There are several things you can do, especially when your relationship is loving and happy, to ensure that it remains this way for the long term. The first principle of a lasting relationship is your clear intention to preserve your mutual affection, respect and friendship. What Type of a Kisser Are You? As we all know, there are many types of kiss. Here are some of them, who is the type that uses them and what they mean: The French kiss - passion. Relationship Your Way To A Successful and Fulfilling Life What is a relationship? What does a relationship mean? There are many things that a person could have in mind when they are thinking of a relationship. A relationship is a bond or a connection between two things. Make Time for Your Relationship "We don't have to wait till Valentine's Day to think about relationships, whether we're in one or would like to be. Most people would agree that romance is the key element beneath the relationship pot. Never Ever Show Youre Jealous O.k. Seduction Secrets For Men Part 3 - A Wonderful Idea To Spice Up Your Existing Relationships There is a cool little game for spicing up your long-term or fuck-buddy relationships.Here is how:Both you and your girlfriend have to get 20 pieces of paper and make 20 different cards. Why He Left Me After...? The next morning he /or she is gone. And because this is a man's privilege, I'll try to give some answers to the women. How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track Are you starting to feel that your man has changed so much, in a negative way, that your relationship is starting to die a slow death? In this article I will shed some light on the kinds of things men do when they want to extinguish the flame that sizzles their love. I will also give you some some ideas on how you can reignite the fire in your relationship. Better Than Help One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family and friends frequently request is 'help'; help to change the situation. While I understand, and can relate only too well, to their sentiment, the term 'help' makes me feel uncomfortable. Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Meet Emotional Needs Harville Hendrix, in his book ``Getting the Love You Want'' has some interesting and helpful notions about the process of falling in love. According to Hendrix, as we fall in love with someone, we believe that this person will be able to meet all of our emotional needs. What Till Death Do Us Part REALLY Means - Divine Source through Barbara Rose Let me address this issue of eternity, this promise many couples demand of each other and recite in standard wedding vows. Taken literally, this promise is broken more than it is kept.
|
| Home | Back to Index | site map |
| © 2006 |
