| |
| |
|
Relationships Information |
|
|
|
Bring Back the Cilice Belt
Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt to popular attention. Silas, Brown's tonsured hit man in "The Da Vinci Code", wears one and also flagellates himself with The Discipline, a knotted rope. The image of this tall, albino monk performing 'corporal mortification' is a shocking one that stays with the reader. Curiously, it was the image that sprang to mind yesterday when I was talking with a woman about the issues she is facing right now. Yvette (not her real name) is not, fortunately, at risk physically, but the situation in which she lives is spiralling out of control. Her emotional world is becoming increasingly tortured and intolerable. And because she objects to various behaviours that she senses to be fundamentally wrong, she is being blamed. She is constantly being told that her attitude, rather than the behaviours, are the source of the problem. Yvette is desperate to manage a dysfunctional situation and remain in control of her life. Her dilemma is this: if the behaviours are unacceptable then she is vindicated? but powerless. Because they are not going to change. If her attitude is to blame, then she is, clearly, losing her grip on the situation but, theoretically at least, she has the power to improve things. Maybe this strikes a chord with you? Reassurance doesn't work terribly well in a situation like this, because if Yvette is right, then the situation must be worse even than she likes to think. (Actually, it's a perfect no win situation for her, because if the opposite is true and the behaviours are ok, to her that signifies she must be spiralling into mental illness.) And so it was that I suggested to her that she get a cilice belt and a Discipline and ritually flagellate herself. I said this not because I don't care about her situation and would wish any more pain on her. I care very much and would dearly love her to be spared any further pain. Precisely because I care, I wanted to give her a response she could work with. Reassurance wasn't going to do that for more than about 5 minutes. She met my suggestion with stunned silence. Then she started to laugh. The image was so grotesque that it was funny. And as she laughed she translated it into terms that were meaningful to her. Suddenly she could visualise what she had been doing, unintentionally, and it became repellent to her. Words are tremendously powerful. Words have the power to shackle and enslave you. The right words also have the power to set you on the path back to freedom and wholeness. C) 2005 Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of bad relationships, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. To contact Annie email: annie@joyfulcoaching.com For more information and free resources go to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com NOTE: You're free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How A Phony Persona Always Hurts You 'Be yourself', isn't that what you've always heard? It certainly isn't ill advice considering what you are losing in the long run when you adopt one of these fraudulent lives.You may ask, what's adding a little sizzle hurt any?It's not the extra energy that you bring to the table as long as it's your true personality. Jinxed Relationships -- Are Yours? Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? Have your relationships all been ending on a sad note lately? Perhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are jinxed! Before you give up on love, or decide that it never existed in the first place, please join me; let's take a look at loving from a different perspective.Experts at the game of life and loving tell us that there are four important laws that we must know, and use to our advantage. Pen Pal Romance We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen pals that wrote to each other for years without meeting because they lived hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Some friend of a friend set them up as pen pals or she decided to write to some unknown soldier away at war. Soul Mates - Finding True Love and Commitment Finding your true Soul Mate is something that many people hope to do. We all long for that one special person in our lives to make everything wonderful. Living in Fear! As we are aware, our relationships are that bigger part of our life, and our own personal growth. Our growth starts basically from our relationships. If You Love Me If you love me, you will keep my commandments?In the love games we play, and in all aspects of human endeavors, maintaining positive relations with each other is a must, to live in harmony and peaceful coexistence with each other.The surest path to keeping good relations with our fellow humans is to know what their dos and don'ts are, and adhere strictly to the same. Choosing an Online Dating Service The problem with choosing a dating service is choice -- too much of it! There are hundreds of services. To choose a dating service that's right for you, you need to be clear about what exactly you're looking for. When Someone You Love is Moving Your best friend moves a thousand miles, your aunt retires or your brother's family gets transferred. They're moving from Boise to Boston and you live in San Diego. Great Relationships: How to Solve Problems and Have Fun Too I recently came across this quote:"There is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice and small enough to solve."When problems come in our relationships they can bring a great deal of stress into our lives. How Compatible Are You and Your Partner? What are the things you argue about? Where are the disagreements? The small resentments? Where do you have to give in to get along?Do you argue over money? Are you fighting over sex? Do you have different ideas about how much time you should spend together and apart? Do you squabble over extended family and friends? Is one of you daring and reckless, while the other wants to play things safe? Does one of you want to be right all the time? Does one of you want to always be in control? Do you disagree about the fun activities in your life?Couples may have conflict over many areas but do you know there is a simple explanation for the conflict? When looking for a life partner, it is a good idea to take a close look at your "Need Strength Profile", based on Dr. William Glasser's work in the area of Choice Theory. Relationship Conflict: 5 Deadly Mistakes and What to Do Instead While conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional.The secret is in how you approach and handle the conflict. True Love - Part 1 True Love! We all dream of being in love with that significant other, at some point in our lives. Is it better to have loved once than not to have loved at all? If this is really the case, then how do we actually find true love? How can a man or a woman really get to the core of the whole relationship game? What are the rules of such a game?More often than not, it is not uncommon to find that either one partner feels really strongly about the other, whilst the other just bides time because he or she is the only one "available" at the time. Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage."Considering the difficulty of living with another person day after day and the incredibly high divorce rate in this country, the humor of the quote begins to fade. Legal Agreement to Cohabitate Between Unmarried Persons THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day of March, in the City of CITY, COUNTY County, Tennessee, by and between DAVID (hereinafter referred to as CLARK and MARTHA (hereinafter referred to as STEWART with reference to the following facts:A. The parties to this agreement are not now, never have been, and do not contemplate becoming married to one another. Relationship Advice: Top 2 Secret Ways To Become Irresistibly Magnetic To Your Wife According to new studies 5 out of 10 marriages will end in divorce. Without going into the typical boring drawn-out discussion on divorce, I'm going to get straight to the point. How a Three Letter Word Kills Good Relationships "You know, I really do love fish!" My friend Steve came up with this profound comment as we were about to tuck into the gastronomic offerings before us in a crowded downtown restaurant. I raised my eyebrows. True Love - Part 2 Okay, so why would one person feel strongly about the other and the other hardly misses a beat? In my last article, I said that one of the reasons is that the 'despised' one probably isn't the one in the first place. But let's leave the 'despiser' for now and focus on the 'despisee'. Are all Men Unfaithful? "Men are all the same. Stop looking for Prince Charming, Dreamer!""We just can't commit to one person! I Loooove Women!""I can't help it! Women want me!""I almost went with this co-worker of mine years ago, and I feel some kind of regret today that I haven't done it?""Caroline, I have an active sex life with my girlfriend. Infidelity: Difference Between a Rage and Revenge Affair The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free From The Affair" is called: "I Want to Get Back at Him/Her." This is the revenge affair. Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 3 - The Jealousy Syndrome Jealousy, unfortunately it seems to pop up sometime in even the happiest relationships. Jealousy can happen to anyone, male or female, young or old.
|
| Home | Back to Index | site map |
| © 2006 |
