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Recently married and uprooted and already falling in love with another man! Unsatisfied!!!!!!!

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Sounds to me like you are not confused, but rather scared. You want someone to make this decision for you - or at least to agree with the direction you are going. I cannot do that.

Your post sounds very familiar to me. My wife (soon to be ex) would have probably written something similar. You are at a point when all seems lost - and maybe it is too late.

Having said that you owe it to yourself to make every effort to try and save your marriage. If you are satisfied that you have done that and are ready to move on - so be it. Otherwise you need to make the efforts described previously - or similar.

No one should stay in a loveless relationship. Having said that one should also not throw it away based on the current situation and what they think is going on. Things are seldom that simple. In addition the steps I spoke about will help you in future relationships assuming this one does not work out.

If you are confused there is some doubt in your mind as to if you are ready. That means you are not. Think about it - do some self reflection - focus on you, it may surpise you.

Just one man's opinion. I was ignorant - now not as much. Things may be similar - it would be nice to know that prior to thowing in the towel - wouldn't it?

Ok as I said above that i have been married since 1992, and the advise you gave me was to tell him how I as feeling and to tell him that Im drifting away, I DO, adn it will be ok for a day then back to the same ol, i need attention and i need to ffeel loved, and he does not do that anymore, he workd a lot of hours but on the days and times he does not work he relaxes and I would say something and he would say well im tired i work a lot becasue we need the money, its always something, and im scared to leave, because I dont hate him and hes not mean but I hate the way I feel, and when the other guys talks to me it makes me smile and feel good hes always looking out for my interests, adn he works a lot the only time i tal kto the other guy sis on the phone because hses never home hes a truck driver...still confused

Couple of things you need to do:

1) Stop being intimate (emotionally) with this other guy. Put the effort into your marriage. If is far easier to begin a new relationship with fewer expectations and challenges than it is to make your lifelong commitment work. It can work, but needs some guidance.

2) Get the books Light His Fire and Light Her Fire. Look them up on Ebay. They are terrific books (ok, I can only vouch for Light Her Fire) and really help with understanding that the opposite sex has different needs.

3) Go to www.imagotherapy.com and consider a weekend session. Excellent for working on communication skills.

You need to let him know your needs/desires. If he is like I was, he is ignorant of this. It is not his fault - we are wired differently and what is intuitive for you is completely foriegn to him. He does not know what you want, and needs to deal with concrete ideas.

Take him out to dinner. Have a great time. Tell him all the wonderful things that you love about him. Then tell him that you are worried, hurt...(fill in the blanks) about (be specific). You want to make the marriage a wonderful partnership for both of you, but feel that you are drifting apart (mention specific examples if needed - sex is one, but it is symptomatic of other issues). Tell him a couple of your needs that are currently not being fulfilled - and why they are important to you. Find out what his needs are that are not being fulfilled. Don't blame eachother - have a nice conversation and make it about the love you share and how much you want to please him.

Then talk about the action(s) you want to take. Think about the books, and the retreat.

Seems like you still love him and that this may be easily redirected. If needed, go to couples counseling. Bottom line, you need to focus your efforts on your current relationship - and you will be rewarded!

ok we got married in 1992 brfore we got married everything was great!! he always wanted sex, he would leave me little notes he would hold my hand brush my hair or just cuddle with me, now that we are married and we have two children now also, we never have sex, we dont even sitnext to eachother on the couch, and now i have this guy friend, adn he talks to me, listens to me, and makes me feel special, we never did anything because im married and we both cherish that, but my feeling are getting stronger for him because of th4e attention, well atleast thats what i think, im soo confused, my husband is not a mean man just does not show any interset at ll, i mean befoer work he kisses me a peck mind u and says i love u but thats the extent of it, and i tell him all the time that it really bothers me and i need to feel loved and that it is pushing me away, but nothing has changed... please someone email me....is this wrong? what should i do??

I am having a hard time letting go of a woman whom I am in love with. She is married with two kids, but not in love with her husband. She loves me and I love her. We feel like we were "meant to be"...everything is right between us. We have not been intimate together because she is married and neither of us want to cheat. She feels like the right thing to do would be to stay in her marriage and stick it out for the kids. I think that's admirable; he's really not a bad guy she just doesn't love him. I'm 35 and have had many healthy relationships, but just never found the "right one" until now. I think I can be noble enough to just let it go, but I don't want to and it's killing me. I can't sleep, I hardly even eat...
I know she's the one I've been waiting for all my life and someone else already has her!
Kids adjust well to split families don't they? Is it right to spend your life in a marriage you don't want because of the kids? Should I pursue this further or just try and leave it alone?

Can anyone tell me if they had the experience where they did not invite a family member to their wedding due to alcoholic problems. Was it difficult for you to make the decision, and how did it turn out. Things are becoming a nightmare with me and I am very conflicted about how to handle these problems. I'd appreciate it very much. Thanks

Confused, u cann`t stand on 2 boats,u will fall nowhere, decide yourself,i think it is lust only,if he loved u also, he would not married other gurl.think that at least.don`t ruin your life being a bitch.

i love my boyriend but i gradually fell in love with a colleague and can't get him out of my mind.we text each other (work-related - but there always seems to be a hidden message). He is so caring and says infront of others that there is a bond between us and we are always joing and laughing together, and my eyes fill with tears when i think of him...especially when i think that he is going to be married in the next couple of days...i got really drunk recently when we went out with the guys from work that i dont remember a thing...and this morning i wanted to ask ifnthere was anything tossed in my drink and he thought i was going to ask him if there had been anything between us!!! so he does think on those terms too!!! oh my...i'm going crazy...how can i go to his wedding and stop my eyes filling with tears while im there!!! i think i love him so much!!! i never though i'd fall for something like this!!! it's so painful...and when i think of my boyfrien and this guys girlfriend i can't believe i could let myself fall for him - i am not such a bitch usually!!! I cant help my feelings.

Nicole,

You had mentioned you knew your husband for last 5 years. Was he romantic prior to marriage? Is he less romantic now? Did he have more sex desire prior to marriage than right now? Also talk to him about your sex desire. Tell him I was approached by a man who would like to have sex with him but I don't really love him. I rather have sex from a man whom I love, who is my husband and my life partner.

I have known my husband for 5 years and we have been married 9 months. I left my family and friends to start my life here in the us with the love of my life. I have always been smart with the choices I have made in my life and from the beginning this felt soo good and so right. It was long distace but I really got to know him. But now that I am here life is getting in the way, which is making me look at this in a less romantic way.
I saved myself sexually for my husband and now it is not working so well. Personally I am a sexual person but he doesnt care much for sex. He likes when I ask for it, but I on the other hand like it when he takes initiativ and want to feel desired. We talk through it all, he is a good communicator. But once it is done there isnt much action. He is a good man in every way but I dont feel wanted. Even if take the initiativ and have sex, I am not satisfied, he jsut lays there and takes my love. I know he has not had anyone either before me, but it just doesnt seem to be in his nature.
I have now found a job and one of my colleauges has made a pass and even a suggestion to sleep with him. I am very attracted to him, partly because he makes me feel desired. It is wrong to cheat, Immoral and I know it! But It was hard saving myself and find out that he doesnt even like me sexually. I know he finds me attractive, I know I am pretty looking This is just not fair!Am I being immature and childish, is this even a thing to sacrifice so much for???? With my head I know sex with another man won't do, I dont love the other man and there is only so far one can go with cheating before it eats you frominside and ruins you. But I have sex dreams every night but go to sleep unsatisfied. Help me!!!!


Nearness does not mean intimacy.
You have him near not intimate.

What you feel he doesnt in order to do that you need to KNOW him and let you know in intimate details and then you will see something which you may not have seen.

All men and women are similar except that some have more chemistry true, yet we can discover the dormant chemistry or awaken others if intimate.

Hence dont destroy your marriage. There is nothing in other person that one's spouse has.
Its all a myth and hoax. You can make your man the way you want but project fearlessness, sincerity, sincere affection, love and he will melt in your warmth, and will get connected.

Some innocent childish people think sexual desire has anything to do with physical stimulation. That is a myth. It is all in mind.


Try that.
editor

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