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Hopeless Marriage : Hanging Between Marriage and Divorce - Is there any Hope ?

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• I CHEATED AND LIED TO MY WIFE HOW DO I GET HER TO TRUST THAT IT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN [10] 9/26 12:19pm

• He treats me like shit and i dont know what to do. [18] 8/27 08:17am

• Sexual and emotional incompatibility and feeling stuck [2] 5/10 09:25pm

• Lazy Live In Boyfriend [1] 3/10 12:25am

• My husband dousn't have much of a sex drive [5] 3/1 11:01pm

• So worried porno searches that my hubby made [3] 2/26 03:10am

• Any guidance for a sinking ship? [6] 2/24 05:08am

• Do i tell my him i kissed another man [2] 2/21 04:18pm

• My husband does not want to have sex? [35] 2/19 03:41am

• Why Can't Couples Have Their Cake and Eat It Too? [6] 2/1 12:18pm

• This is really sad, I genuinely hurt. This is NO help. [2] 1/6 04:53am

• My Husband is a Dumb Fucker [7] 11/19 10:42pm

• Loveless marriage [2] 10/26 04:52am

• Finding friendship filling holes in marriage relationship [1] 9/24 03:42am

• Can't find myself and having trouble connecting [1] 9/20 07:21am

• She is a serial cheater, please help!! [1] 9/6 05:26pm

• Help My Husband says he is not in love with me anymore [1] 8/27 01:14am

• Not Communicating...HELP!! [4] 8/22 05:45am

• Living in bondage [1] 5/23 10:49pm

• Husband Left Me & 2 Toddlers [1] 5/11 02:09am

• When to let go? [14] 3/16 01:56am

• Loving Someone but not being in love [23] 10/19 04:28am

• Help I don`t know what to do. [11] 10/4 04:18pm

• Parents and marrige, can they go togather? [3] 6/7 07:49pm

• My husband and I got into this huge fight. How do I go about making him feel better? [3] 6/6 03:47pm

• What should I do? [4] 5/22 11:25am

• Is It Me, Her, or Us? [3] 5/11 07:18am

• Cheeting [6] 4/27 06:01pm

• I don't know what has happened to my marraige [1] 4/20 03:46pm

• My husband thinks I'm cheating, how do I prove him wrong? [5] 4/4 03:00pm

• No sex for 4 years...should I leave? [12] 3/1 06:19am

• My wife left [15] 2/28 02:44pm

• Nonemotional distant husband [3] 12/31 04:47pm

• WHY CAN'T I HAVE BOTH? [4] 12/11 11:06pm

• My husband, been talking to a woman on the phone while Im there says theyre just friends but has not introduce us,what shall I do. [3] 11/30 12:43pm

• My wife believes I cheated and wont even give me a chance to prove that I didnt [1] 11/23 09:03am

• Yikes...Did we make a mistake? [4] 10/3 09:51am

• He does not love me!!! [13] 8/24 03:30pm

• Fell for someone online after life traumas took their toll [2] 7/14 09:00pm

• There are no answers on this earth [3] 7/12 09:31pm

• He says he loves me and her [2] 7/11 10:05am

• How do you trust again? [5] 6/23 04:50pm

• I am not sure if I am right or wrong. [5] 6/6 05:03am

• Cancer caused crisis [1] 2/12 02:46am

• How do I Stop Divorce in process. Husband and I cannot talk. [1] 1/20 06:40am

• Am I right or Am i wrong - how do i fix? [1] 11/1 04:29am

• Archive through August 27, 2001 [23] 8/27 06:05pm

• Archive through May 10, 2002 [5] 5/10 01:43am

• Archive through January 04, 2003 [3] 1/4 01:13pm

Join the most exciting new community on Family issues. You will like it. idealFamily.Com - Discuss family issues Life styles household, housekeeping and secrets to family life

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Bobby -

You know what you need to do. Just do it. You need to, but it has to be up to you. Get some support stucture - fiends and family.

If you are at the point of needing to call 911 then it is too much right now to work on in the state the relationship is in. If you really feel like you are in danger, and he is that abusive, get out. There is always a way.

Be responsible for yourself - and he will be resonsible for himself.

Good luck, stay safe.

You need to do what is right for you - for your safety and sanity.

Thanks papster ..

I am trying best to cope up with the situation, but really speaking, I am tired now..and I don't want to continue with him. He never speaks anything what he want and everytime tells me to behave properly and accept him by heart. I am getting scared because of his behaviour. He torchers me till late night. For whole day, he is fine, no problem but when I reach home, he will start creating tension for me. I also conatcted support groups, but still not getting daring what to do. Nor even get the courgae to call 911.

Bobby -

Have you been to couseling? I hear your pain, and you need to have someone help you through that. Your husband also needs help - talk of suicide is dangerous for him, and for you. He is using this against you - which is unfair, unhealthy, and dangerous.

Don't make any decisions until you have some time to explore this with a counselor. There may still be hope for the marriage, but at the end of the day you cannot let him - or family - make the decision for you. You need to be happy, or it will affect you and your kids negatively. Try to create this in your currrent environment if your heart is open to it. If he was to become a better husband, would you be willing to accept him? Couple counseling might help if you can envision it.

Good luck to you - you know what you need to do...

I am married from last 18 years. The Past life was not at all good. My husband used to drink a lot and beat me and say ill words. I am a working woman and because of kids I tolerated him. He was having an affair also and after a year he ended, but I am not sure that ended truly. But due to his act, I lost myself and my comfidence and started hating him, but did not really decided to seperate from him. Last year also, I got a call from a girl and he offered her, but as she denied he cannot get further in the relation. From last 2 years I got a person, who really loves me and my husband came to know that. He started torching me too much and pressurising me to prove that I broke the relation. I also tried all the ways to prove this according to what he said, but he insulted me all the time. He is emotionally torching me. But, Now I don't want to continue my life with him. I am not getting what to do and all the family members are forcing me to stay with him. I already told my husband I want divorce and now he is telling me if I get seperated he will do sucide because he loves me and cannot live without me and you will be responsible for that. I really want to be out of this. Please help me..

Hi. I am 27 year old female with two beautiful daughters and a boyfriend of 4 years. Our relationship before was the greatest. But now it seems to go down the drain. My boyfriend cheated on me on our anniversary and after that night he's been wanting me to hate him and leave him. I want to make our realtionship work because I love him so much and I am doing it for our kids. He drink now like everyday and doing things I hate just to make me hate him. I can honestly say I cant. I really need advice or guidence to make my relationship better then it was before. Not thinking of the past but the future. I told him, but he says he can't find reasons to stop drinking and that he wants me to hate him, because he knows that he can and will hurt me again. Please help because I love him and I feel that I can't live without him. Please help....

A man who drinks inmoderately and just to get drunk is not a man in his senses and he can never respect his wife and relatives.

If you really love him ask him to get professional help before it is too late to fix.
Guide him to fix this issue by being sober.

You can deal with him only when he is sober. Alcoholics can not promise anything and their words can not be trusted.

If we love somebody but the other person does not really FEEL that similar love, it can never really work as a mutual relationship. Unless he is brought down to reality and he feels your love and devotion it is like singing in front of a wall.

editor

Me and my husband met when we were only 18.It was a fairytale romance , both of our first loves. We got married by 19 and were very happy for 3 yrs. We seperated for 2 1/2 yrs throughout our seperation we remained in contact almost daily. Many times we were intimate with each other. I loved him so much that I stayed by his side, eventhough he was the one that said he did not want to comit to me. For those 2 1/2 yrs all I wanted was for us to get back together, I did everything and anything for him, my heart was always his. I dated here and ther but never got close to anyone else, eventhough he always told me he wanted me to find someone and be happy. Finally I met a man and for the first time I made a connection with him that I never had since my husband. We dated for about 8 months and were about to move intogether. My husband called me and confessed his love for me and told me he wanted us to be back together and work things out, he said he was finally ready !!!

This is what I had been waiting for all along, without a 2nd thought I broke up with the mand I had met and in a couple of days I was moved in with my husband. The first month was good but I missed the other man more and more each day, he kept calling and emailing me and finally I gave in and communicated with him. He was so inlove with me and said he would do anything to get me back, I was more confused than ever. I loved my husband and had wanted him back for so long BUT now there was another man that I love as well.

One day in an arguement with my husband I confessed this to him, he was outraged and said I had been living a lie the 4 months we were back together. He asked me to move out and I did.

I have been seeing the other man and things are great but I still love my husband , Im not sure who I love more...... I want to make my marrige work but my husband is hurt ......Should I try to work things out with my husband or should I stay with the other man who through it all has stuck it out

im unhappy daily. my marriage is ending when it never begin. this is my secind time and i feel like the fool. i have made bad choices in trying to forgive nad fix a person who doe not want it. it hurts and i have a son to think about. just turned 6 today. i feel i've messed his life up in my problems. he's a good kid but i worry if he will become or not become something because of what he's seen me go through. what do i do? i just need a good person to talk to, to make sense of it all

RaRa,Raising yoru grandson......? by you why where is his Father And mother.its theire problem,you have your problems and family, he may started to drink because u r too busy with your daughter or education masters/phd;

Your daugther is got preg by someone who is not ready to take care of his son and thats why he is with you then its your problem,they way u raised your daughter without teaching her morality.may be she is teenage and she has no money to support herself and kid.teenage is not for having kids,its time for study and stand on thier own feet.
this is yoru 2nd marriage and i do not blame your husband or daughter for whatever they have done.i think it is your responsible for everything.

I need advice with my marriage. I have been married for fifteen years and have three children. This is the second marriage for both of us.
When my husband and I initially began to date, he was a weekend drinker. About six years later after we married his drinking continued to a point that we had to separate for a few days. He then came to the realization that he wanted his marriage and gave up drinking for a couple of years.
I must admit that throughout our fifteen years of marriage, we have had some difficulties, such as his ever probing daughter from his previous marriage (now 23) as well as financial difficulties due to obligated child support.
Once the previously mentioned problem was resolved (financially), I decided to return to school to pursue my dream to become a teacher.
I completed my Masters and is now pursuing my PhD,which I will complete this summer.
My husband returned to drinking but only like every two weekends or so.
Then, my teenage daughter (from a previous marriage)became pregnant and she now has a 8 month old son. I am helping her raise her son so that she may continue her schooling.
Since, my husband is drinking even more so to the point that it is now unbearable. He is off from work three days out of a week and drinks to a point of total intoxication the entire three days. In addition, he is now socializing over his three day off period with his alcoholic cousin, who marriage has ended due to alcoholism.
He says that he wants his marriage to survive but sees nothing wrong with his drinking. He claims that he is not bothering anyone but it is having an impact upon our marriage. He tells me that I have no life other than work, studying and raising the children and my grandson. He now wants us to hang out at bars, which I never have before over the past 15 years. I am sort of like a homebody and he does not like to be at home.
Also, he constantly states that our marriage will be dissolved once I graduate with my doctoral degree.
I try to reassure him but to no avail.
Help!!! Somehow I believe that the failure of
my marriage is my fault due to my determination to complete my degree and the raising of my grandson.

Any healthy companion relationship including marriage and close friendships do need some common bonding and common goals.

Once the goals have different directions, things fall apart naturally. Imagine you going south and he going west. There is no meeting midway.
However if you started in different directions but are on north south you can probably restart after a meet in a midway.

Hence its finding out if you both have similar goals. Marriage becomes a mere coexistence if the goals are different and priorities opposing.

You both have totally opposing priorities but try finding a common meeting ground. If you cant seriously engage him in communication the future is certainly worrying and you may need to vision it now.

Probably you expect more than you can contribute. REMEMBER that all relations are based on sharing of resources, priorities and love.

If love is evaporating bring it back. If not its like having a great pool with no water.

Editor

teddybearqueen well you have the right to be happy. you have already exerted effort to make your marriage to be a lasting one but it seems that your partner is not willing to make it a happy and harmonous one. well being alone is difficult specially that you are used being with your husband for ten years. you should give yourself a break i would suggest that you leave him for a while go relax yourself and have a nice vacation this way you will be able to weigh things that you are getting confused of and also you will be able to know if you can survive living without him and if you find the answer then that is the time for you to decide. i hope you will be happy with whatever decisions that you will do. all of these trials have corresponding answers you just need to find the answer that will benefit you and him. good luck. SMILE it is the best thing you can do with your lips.

Teddybear,what u expect from life with him,u also deserve better life,happy marriage and home.decide what u want from him,ask him,listen to him,what u gave(sacricfies) to this marriage,and what u got.make him feel that,if he do not listen to u,dragg him to some marriage consult,you cann change a man as u wanted try to findout what he want,what he gets in return,why he is like that.sit down and talk do not compare,hope u will find solution,do it with open mind.no one is ready to break marriage.u have to work on it.PRAY,and u will find solution,and happy forever.best of luck.

Help! My husband's a complete and total selfish jerk but doesn't see it! He's such a grumpy snappy jerk to me all the time and I do all that I can to be sweet and loving to him but there is only so much I can take. He's driving me insane!
He doesn't think he does ANYTHING wrong so arguing gets us no where.
He thinks I'm just to sensitive! I'm NOT! I can be sensitive yes but this is different. He looks and talks to me like I'm a moron and that he's better than me. He never used to do this to me and used to treat me better. I swear I think I hate him! I still have love for him deep down in my heart but he forces it deeper down in my heart with every evil thing he says and does to me! I'm supposed to make a decision... divorce or not. I swear I don't know what to say! I want out and to be happy but I don't know if I will be happy without him either. I don't want to be alone and I don't want to live with my parents.
We have been married almost 10 yrs and it's been 10 yrs way too long. I feel that I didn't marry who I was meant to marry. I'm the ONLY one working to help better our marriage, he's completely given up. But HE IS the problem! He's so stubborn, selfish, lazy, and just plain mean! I need someone on the outside of all this to speak to... someone to help me that doesn't know me. Can anyone help me?
Thank you for listening, it felt better just to get all that out.

Linda u have done wonderfull job, in running your family,dear there r problems in every family,if sacrifies word come then ppl remember one more word along with that is mother, mother always do N number of things,when u were at home,your man worked for your family,he is earning hard to keep u all happy,he has done his part of responsibility,women always feel that she has lost her youngage, and she did`t Njoyed her joyfull youth when she was young.still u do not have any regrets,other than your son,your husband also worried about him coz he also his son,men hardly show their feelings,still they know their responsibilites.you have to findout way out to enjoy life with your hubby,talk to him, make him understand.and you can do it.
best of luck

hi everyone,
i am a 45 yr.old housewife and have been married for 19 yrs.
i fill like i am in this marriage alone and have for most of our marriage.
we have two sons,17yrs. and 14 yrs. our 14 yr. old has down syndrome and functions at a 5-6 yr. level.
my husband is never at home(working?)it has always been this way during our entire marriage.i have raised our boys mostly by myself.
don't get me wrong,he has been agood provider,but i have never felt close enough to talk to him about any problems i have with our boys.
i always worked and had an outside life before the boys were borned,but since i have stayed home for our boys.i don't regret it,but i am at an age now i feel totally lost.without a sense of self worth!
ever since our son with down syndrome has been born we have drifted so far apart that i don't think we can even begin to make our marriage work......we are together because of our boys and it really hurts..it seems so unfair to all of us.
our 17 yr. old knows how i feel,he trys to tell me that his dad will someday begin to see how unhappy i am and he'll stay home and help with his brother.
i have 2 wonderful kids and i can truly say i have been their mom and friend,but i feel so alone and i don't know how to get to the point i don't need something for me.
i have to sleep on the floor beside my sons' bed every night because he tries to go outside during the night,i have to care for him like a toddler even though he is 14 yrs. old.i have not had a relationship with my husband for several yrs. now and all he says is our son needs me.
I am so lonely for someone to care about for me for once! am i being selfish? my husband says i am
i just wonder if i am the only one in this world that is going through something like this!!!

gascan805 u have rights to doubt her,what she is doing is wrong,spending nightout, and withold sex with you,u can talk to her directly whats her intentions.i`m not telling u to be suspicious,but it comes in our mind when women try to ignore her husband.there should be some reason,try to findout what she is doing record it, photograph it, that may help u in future.u cann`t predict what future hold for u.i smell something.if u gave anything to her then take it back,talk to your kids. women is unpredictable

hi,ive been married 21 years,im a man and still love my wife very much,but for the past few years we have growen apart,she now works and has a new group of friends,she started with 1 nite of girls nite out,and now its much more frequent,im never invited to go with her,and if i ask her to go out she dosent want to,she says she dosent like sex anymore,so its infrequent,she looks good and is now doing permanant make up ,etc.

My main question is if you go to work and meet someone of the oposite sex and every time i go to see her or pick her up shes with the same guy,walking and talking,my frinds tell me shes with him constently that thay have seen,my kids sometimes go to work with her and thay said,shes with him all the time,and told me once that she was holding his hand{witch i dont really belive}so is it ok to spend so much time with someone or should i be worried? i am jelous and have asked her to stop,and now i sound as if i tell her what to do,all it is is i would love the same atention i use to get,or to be inclueded,becase i am ready to do something or say something to him like stay away from my wife,i love her and feel ive lost her what should i do?


Women also go a certain mid-life crisis and in some the re-emanicipation in them appears after a second affair or attraction.
It is not necessary that they cheat their partner but they want to feel renewed or want to rediscover their youth through an out of marriage affair with a man whom they think is a great lover. Once the presumed lover cheats them or changes his attitude they fall back to the previous position.

In extreme cases the women get so carried away that they leave behind their kids, husband and family to RUN AWAY from the rut. Most of them DO RETURN but bruised and hurt and they try to make over and re-do their lost home. Many of these cases the husbands find someone else in the interim and then a new struggle happens.

Your dear wife MAY not have gone too far as yet as she is craving attention and some adventure in her dreary life [this is what they think because of routine]. This punctuation can be a positive thing if you go with her flow and support her and go with her for the FUN. At this stage you may have to play the role of father to her. Sounds totally bizarre but this is the scene. She thinks she is a little girl and to get rid of her mono. life she is seeking diversion.

If you play the oppressor and scare her friend it may backfire as then you become the villain in her story. So the best course is to BE FRIEND of her friend/s and involve them in your and kids life.

Meanwhile if you dont mind change your physical and mental makeup and try bringing back some of your youthful times and try toning up and fixing yourself to attract her back. This may sound strange but you have to re-woe her.

My feeling is that after about 15/20 years the marriages go stale and expire and one has to RE-ENACT the show to bring back some freshness.
Sort of renewal of marriage.

You also need some change so treat her nicely, have some sympathy for her. Do not force her nor resist the changes. Just follow the flow and be part of the change. You will feel better and she will be with you. Sooner or later.

Pl write the developments.

editor

when is my message going to be posted

Your msg must have been posted the same day. Check the page where you posted your message.

moderator

26 years ago I met the girl in the sundress. I wasn't in my bachelor apartment more then 2 months
when she came into my life. The first time I saw her I said that's the kind of girl I want to marry. She had an apartment in my building where I was the reigning king. I was 30 years old,in a successful family manufacturing business, and handling a lot of cash. The girls from brooklyn used to visit me quite a bit to party. Like I said, I was the reigning king of the building. I never did drugs, but enjoyed drinking socially. The only reason I can say I was the king of the building, was that the superintentant Bill allowed me and my friends to use the exercise gym and indoor pool. The only catch was he wanted to be included in the party while his wife was left upstairs unaware of anything. He liked Mary, a divorced 30 year old with one of the best set of boobs you ever saw in your life. If Mary came, I could do anything. Even the guys from Brooklyn came by quite a bit to play cards, we had what we called our own club. Action all the time, especially the racetrack. Life was good and exciting then ! Plenty of cash, a new sports car, my own pad, girlfriends, a thriving business, and respect in the neighborhood with all the wise guys I grew up with. Little did I know that things were going to change...
I got into the elevator one day and seen the girl in the sundress, she was with another guy, the educated type. I started asking questioning the doormen that worked our building about this girl, and asked them to ring me whenever she went in and out. We had this camera in the lobby that would show all the ins and outs of the tenants on our T.V's, so I always knew when she came home or went out. What seemed different about her lately was; she was seen alone all the time and she looked sad.
The doorman Sam, who had an artificial leg and suffered so much at times, told me her boyfriend, the intellectual I saw her with in the elevator that one day, had a brain hemmorage and he would never be the same.
The more I seen her go in and out, the more I wanted to be with her, even to help her through her hardship and pain.
I seen her a couple of times after, and we became friends. I took her up and back the city to visit this poor guy because I thought it was right and I wanted to be with her, even if it was while she was his girl. I had a lot of guilt, like when I left Vietnam early and 27 of my fellow M.P.'s were killed during the Tet Offensive. I couldn't get enough of her. After realizing the extent of Rich's illness, yes Rich, that was his name, she began to warm up to me. One day when we got real close, you know; she surprised me by asking me if I took dope. I didn't even know what she meant by dope, so she told me about smoking pot and how good it was. At the time I was prescribed vallium for my anxiety and panic attacks, and seldom did vallium help. So I tried the weed for the first time. We were in my apartment laying on the open castro couch listening to the stereo play. I never heard music sound so good or soothing; all my stress was gone. We made love and it was the greatest experience I ever had, I did anything to satisfy her. She was exciting, super clean on herself and had these beautiful blue eyes, that changed now and than to green and hazel tone with the clothes she wore. She was so neat, and had more of a conservative look than what I was used to; like the girls from brooklyn. She was so much fun to be with, 7 years younger, classy, and with a great body. The best part of everything was, she was a twin. Susie was an instant attraction to me, they were so much alike, and we became very, very close. Susie was the bubbly type, but sexy like a fox! One time when she came to New York and we went out with my best friend Johnny. He thought she was great, and she was, I wish it was me. My wife and I were shocked when we went to our bedroom and Johnny and Sue stayed in the living room in the dark making love, only 20 feet away. We were terrible as we listened to them moan while getting it on.
But we put it in the vault where it's been safely stored for 26 years.
We did nothing but smoke weed day after day. I was given the job to cop the stuff like a real low life, but I knew how she was obsessed with it, and as for me it became my medicine. My panic attacks stopped! In fact when I used to get it, I'd always ask if it was the mellow stuff because I couldn't handle the hyper weed because of my hypertension and anxiety. Soon I had a $100.00 a week expense that resulted in atleast $10,000.00 burnt up. Hey I gambled a great deal, so the two vices together destroyed me. In business my concentration was no longer sharp, my habits continued, and while at the top of the mountain it all came crashing down on me. My new beautiful home and 2 other's in my name that my brother lived in and the other my parents, went down the tube as well by getting involved with the wrong people that my brother Freddo recommended. All the years to follow were to be erratic as far as earning the type of income to afford us to live the lifestyle we were used to.
The good things I am thankful for are my two great kids who moved from house to house with us because I could never keep up with the high rents in New York. Throughout all the moving we were able to avoid disrupting their schooling; they never had to change schools, just houses, we were gypsys.
The distress and stress went as far back as
Vietnam. The termination of a sucessful business venture with a friend, combined with the financial stress, legal problems, my unavoidable unemployability and my eventual heart attack in 1992, thyroid cancer surgery in 1993, 6 angioplastys to follow, eventual heart by-pass surgery in 1996, radiation treatments, gall bladder removal, PTSD and depression destroyed my self image and self respect. My wife became a verbal abuser to me on a daily basis and to my daughter for the last 4 years atleast. (she's now almost 18) She gained a few extra pounds, nothing that really makes her look as overweight as my wife thinks she is. I argue with my wife a lot since she's going through menapause as I was told, but she continues to verbally abuse my daughter and I. You have to see my daughter; she's gorgeous! Some days my wife will call her a fat slob, fat bastard, lazy bitch, loser, filthy girl, and ask her where are all your so called friends ? She's a doll of a kid, she just isn't a fanatic like her mother. She's who she is, and there's nothing wrong with that! For years I've been called a loser, waste, lowlife, Vietnam nut, a non earner, mental case, ugly, fat slob, and the list goes on. And the next minute she gets nice as if nothing bad was said.(She's Cybil)
It's been so bad lately that I told her twin Susie who I always fantasize about and would cherish if she was mine, to help me. I told her that although I love her sister with all my heart and sole, I'm thinking of leaving just to avoid the abuse because it's become unbarable.
My disability pensions add up to $3,800.00 per month net, she feels I've let down my family by not securing a second job. She's been on workmens compensation for 3 years with me taking her up and back the city waitng in the car for hours at a time while she went for therapy and check-ups. She could've worked off the books as she requested I do, but she said she'd get in trouble.
I told her, for my families sake I wouldn't take the chance to risk my pensions of $3,800. a month, the lifetime pension of say $1,200.00 each month whether she works or not, she'd be entitled to if I croak. The $650.00 per month the VA pays toward her and our kid's education each month would remain secure. Also not the greatest medical coverage in the world but if a major operation is needed, it'll be covered! Most doctor bills too and discount prescriptions are covered. So in my opinion I've doing my share.
During the past 2 months she's been attacking verbally more often. The mistake I keep making is attacking her back verbally, allowing her to acuse me as the abuser. Since she started going to her twin Susie's house in the Poconos to clean in order to make money, she does help with $500.00 at a time, but she's gone 2 weeks at a time and I'm left with all the work as usual. I don't mind the work, but don't come home after we have the house spotless and say it's filthy.
The money has helped some, but it's been short and sweet. Her attitude now is I bring in all the money , what do you do ?
That's not fair because she's only earned maybe $2,000.00 for the whole year, however I do mind her stating if it wasn't for her, you know..
Her twin is very, very wealthy; like 8 vehicles, BMWs and all, and spares no expense at all with anything, she's very kind. My wife's recent trips to the mountains are solely to get away from the stress and me which is okay to do, but I notice she's changed in a way. Three weeks ago she tells me how horny she is, and that's really not like her to be so direct. But I'm a man and I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
I may be a heart patient and a little overweight but I don't lack muscle tone and strenght especially when it comes to satisfying her and myself to the fullest.I'd do anything she wanted to satify her.
I was wild!, she was wild! the woman at 51 looks like she's 30 and has almost the same great body as when we met. It lasted around 20 minutes, but the explosion was well worth it as she held on to me for her life. But through it all, and as many times as I said I loved her during, and told her how beautiful she was during, not once did I hear it in return! A guy knows when something is wrong...
I've been a jerk-off all my life with her, don't you agree ? For 26 years I've done all the cooking, grocery shopping, tending to our children's needs and trying to have faith that we'd get through it all. I do the laundry when she's away and iron the clothes.
I'm only pouring out a small fraction of our weird marital relationship, I'll tell you a drop more...
She told me just one week after our wild love session, that I wasn't appealing to her anymore and she fell out of love with me... She's been going to the Poconos for the last few months and in that time she's gone out with her sister and her husband to the bar and always keeps talking about the bar. She told me she wants to move without me to the mountains, but she wants me to stay with this $1,700.00 per month rent, while I give her time to decide whether she's going to get an apartment in NEW York to be near our children or go to PA. and have them visit her and her visit them at times.
She's never acted like this before, so determined to leave. Those trips into the city to see doctors resulted in her being awarded $36,500.00. of which $5,000.00 she has to repay to her kind sister. I don't want or ask for a dime. I told her to stay with the kids. Kids, my son is 23 and my daughter 18, but for now atleast they're still our responsibility to a certain extent.
She calls me everyday like nothing's changed; saying how you doing? how are my children? let me speak to them, and then when I mention that I can't understand why after all this time she's giving up, she gets stressed out! She's an unbelievable strict Catholic who's got it all wrong. As a Christian I have more faith, optimism, sincerity and love in my heart, and I believe God will never abandone me. The vows she took as a Catholic, was was that all about ?
Since no one in my family has really put an effort to assist with the finannces, I remain in the minus every month. I just filed my second chapter 7 bankruptcy, a direct result of my inability to cover the bills alone. Her other sister, who now I realize isn't so nice, lashed into me stating that her husband is sick and he drags his ass to work everyday, so why don't I since other By-Pass patients do go back to work in many cases. This vicious evil woman who talks about everyone fails to recognize I live with a time bomb! I have Hypertension as well
as CAD. I actually have to beg my wife at times to stop yelling because she gives me angina and is putting me at risk for another heart attack. Severe depression that I have, has been hard to shake since all this has escalated, the abuse and all is a bit much.. Sometimes I truly believed she wanted to kill me, what a terrible thing to assume. The bad sister knows nothing.
Her supposedly sick husband that I was compared to was given an opportunity by her twins husband. A big house for 12 years affordable at $250.00 per month rent thanks to her brother-in law. A gift of a thousand dollars a week in salary plus bonuses, for a guy who's not a hard worker, but a worker who distracts other employees from doing their job, and has nerve enough to talk about the hand that fed him, behind the mans back ! That's who I was compared to...
This past week has been humiliating for me, crying like a baby over life without her. I'm losing her and can't do nothing about it, besides I could never believe in her again ? So as much as it hurts, I better just pull myself up and except how she feels, be civil, but be rid of her and her abuse once and for all.... I'm getting better but it's still a drain and strain.
God didn't put me on this earth to be so unhappy in my life. My life is in His hands so all will be calming.
Can someone out there if they were able to read this super long E-mail, answer a few questions, or lend their opinion.
I believe that because I haven't been able to do even the small things at times with my wife, like going to a movie, eating out, or going on vacation once a year is what she feels she's missed in life with me.
I only get to take her for car rides, enjoying entertaining friends and family once in a while, I remain passionate and attentive to her needs as a woman. We do go for breakfast every now and then, we do go to the army base to shop, she loves that, but this incredible expense on my back every month has caused me to fail to do some of the normal things that others may do. I'm unable to give her and do the things I once did. But I'm not dead! I wanted to give her so much, because deep down she is a great person who fell out of love for what I feel are all the wrong reasons.
I feel that all these trips to the poconos have a little more to it. I've never been jealous because I know her well. But I believe that in her bar get togethers with her twin and their friends she found a shoulder to cry on. I'm not saying an affair, but a certain someone who's giving her the attention she's been lacking who more likely than not is attracted to her while she cares too, but doesn't know how to deal with the inevitable. I'm a fool because I still love her and have this tremendous void right now. I don't care about looks as much as I care about a good woman I can talk to, who can show a man respect, and be compassionate. I want so badly to gain back my self respect and dignity and to be loved for who I am.
Thanks for listening whoever you are.
Eddie
\

I have been married for over 30 years some of the early years being tempestious, due to my drinking and being immature. After my 2nd son was born i grew up a bit and after my daughter was born I worked harder to complete the process. My problem is my wife is totally unforgiving, and seems to have zero tolerance for any thing I do that is not perfect. She has told me that she doesn't love me (or even like me), but if that is the case why doesn't she leave or at least act in manner consistent with an amiable split. It's a tough way to live.

i am not sure what is going on right now, my husband and i have only been married 4 yrs, we have two children and nothing but anger towards each other. We lost communication ages ago and we have ended up being room mates. i don't know how to deal with the constant mental torment, i married a very intelligant lawyer who conducts a hearing about the toothpast tube. i am an at home mom and rely soley on him and his income, so i constantly feel trapped and as if i have to ask daddy for things.
how do you know when to put your marrigage out of its misery? i don't think i make change my husband and i can;t live in a loveless marrige. we don't seem to have any emotional or physical conection, i don't remember the last time he kissed me never mind have any sexual contact.

iam so tierd and emotionally drained i just need someone to say hang in there or get out now. i have no immediate family of my own around me, my friends are limited to the wifes of his friends so i feel very uncomfortable talking to them.

please help me .....

HELP !!!! My husband and I have been having some rough times for the past couple of years. We both have gone through times where we simply aren't sure about what we feel for the other one. In January I felt like I was at my wits end, and just couldn't do it any more, so I told him that I wanted a seperation. Well, we are both living in the same house, and I have since really tried to communicate with him, and being there and really opening myself up to him has made me see that I truly love him and I want to make things work. Now he has decided that he isn't sure what he feels and just isn't sure if he wants to work things out. Last night he told me that he loves me and that he wants to try and work things out. This morning he is really unsure and almost hostile. I will say that he has been working two jobs and has been up for over 24 hours, so sleep deprivation could be a factor here, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I honestly will give him all of the time that he needs to figure his feelings out, but the emotional toll that it is taking on me is unreal. I have lost about 25 pounds, and I feel like I could simply cry all of the time. I want nothing more than to make things work out with him, we have two great children and The three of them are my whole life. I have built myself around them, and I can't even bear to think about not being together. Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated. I want this to work !!

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