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Husband confessed he's bisexual...what to do

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I was on the computer and found gay websites. After 2 days of thinking...I approached my husband. At first he denied it, then said he was "curious". for the past 1 1/2 yrs, he's been going to gay bars when he travels. He met someone in Miami the he felt strongly for. I told him no more bars, & no more contact with this guy. He says I'm what he wants...we have 4 kids, 19 yrs marriage. I haven't been able to have sex w/him since I found out. Last nite, asked him if he talked to that guy, and he says loosely they've kept in touch. I told him that I asked him not to, and to delete his phone & no more contact. He seemed reluctant. Why would 2 nites with a guy beat 19 yrs of happy marriage. I told him I'd support him if he wants to be "out", but he says he wants me & the kids. Am I lucky, or in a sad marriage.

I suspect my husband of 11 years is gay. His family hinted at it before we were married, but I didn't want to believe it. The sex at first was great, but then his fantasies of being tied up and me playing the part of a man kind of freaked me out. I think he did these things with men prior to us being married, and coupled with the fact that he has no prior girlfriends is a sure sign. Our sex life is now very sporadic and when we do, he has to fantasize that I am a man. I am grossed out. We have a 9 year old daughter, and I am now pregnant. He cant sustain an erection very long and has to close his eyes alot. I just want some advice on how to leave im since he is the sole bread earner and I am very sick. I have scleroderma, pancreatitis. I am now spotting dark blood and am only 6 weeks along. please please anyone help with some advice. He scared both my daughter and I with his anger and violent temper. I just want out- safely.

This is an reply to 'Anonymous'posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 08:27 pm:

Dear Anonymous ; I understand your situation and sympathize with you . They say .. if you search the whole world and don't find a solution, the answer is probably under your nose. Beind bi curious can

mean two things. One, that he has had such intrests in his childhood/adolesent experiences and has suppressed them only to reemerge now. or TWO, that he is getting bored with what he has

ow. Man is a restless animal. he seeks adventure and novelness in every moment and activity. what ever be the reason.. you action plan could be three steps. assess, disscet & apply.

Step ONE - Assess: Listen to him.. if he has already opened the issue.. comfort him and make him know that YOU will work through this together with him.. Ask him what he is seeking.. is it

appearences, personality traits, dominence, intelectuall connectivity, common topics of intrest, or just plain raw man sex. Don't be disgusted or judgemental about what he says, as his

intrested will be a 'coated' hyperpersonifed versions of the elements that he is really seeking. As him stuff like if you had a chance to get physical with bollywood stars who would it be.. this

will give you an idea too of what is he looking for.

Step TWO - Dissect : analyse what you have heard from him.. note down basic commonalities.. playing simple fun games of ' which bollywod star would you like in bed with us ... " will give

you an sense of what he wants.. Concentrate on little things.. The botton line is never loose trust. Make him aware that although you aren't 100% with him .. you will 'learn' about it with him

too..

Step THREE - Apply : He like guys in jeans... YOU subtle start wearing them.. he like to be controlled.. Get on TOP when in bed.. pinn him to the wall and plant a tight kiss once in a while..

touch and caress nauthily in public ( but don't make him get embarassed, though!!) . Spice up your sex life.. Work with the points that you have deduced from step two.
Important points : And yourself to the equation. remeber i said to ask him which actor h would like in bed with YOU and him.. let him get aroused with you in the picture only .. do role play..

and slowly make him realize that is is not a p**is but a personality that he craves for which you can involeke too ... ' he may search all over the world and not find.. because his answer is right

under his nose... YOU !!'
Do let me know of the developements.. im here for you . email me at

No experience with this, but I worry about you. One would think that if he truly bi, then you should not have anything to fear. That is, if I am hetero and do not cheat on my wife with other women, why is there any reason to expect less from a person who is bi?

Having said that he is certainly curious enough to seemingly be ready to act out on it. That is where the real issue here is - as you identified. Although he may not have cheated at this point he is seemingly exploring that option.

He needs to get into some counseling to explore what is going on with him. Not that the problem is he might be bi, but that he doesn't know or understand it. He may also be gay - or not prepared to be just acting out on his hetero side which may not be something you are comfortable with due to the infidelity.

My advice is to support him in terms of helping him to better understand who he is - in the right way (ie, counseling). He needs to understand it and make decisions which may affect you. He deserves it, and so do you. You will want to get some counseling as well - I have to believe that this is a shock to you and is affecting you in ways you don't currently understand.

Good luck to you.

I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 5. We have a wonderful relationship, and I consider him to be my soulmate. However, About a week ago, I found out that he is bi-curious. He says that he is attracted to men, enjoys chatting with cams online, and watches gay porn. His most recent act of curiosity led him to posting his profile on a gay dating service on line. He has met two guys out to talk to them about his sexuality to try to figure out if he is bi-sexual. He has a great deal of guilt and shame with this, and is very depressed b/c he feels like it's a sickness or addiction. He says that he has no desire to lead a gay life or to find a male partner. Say that he loves me more than anyone he knows, and would like to spend the rest of his life with me, but is not sure if he is doing right by me if he is indeed bi-sexual. I can handle his bi=sexuality, gay porn, chatting. But I can't handle the infidelity. I fear that he is testing the water until he finds what he wants, which may not be me...I am faithful, loyal, and only want to be with him. Could our marriage survive this? Can he stop cheating if he's addicted to male sexual encounters? Can a bi-sexual person be faithful with only one person? I feel lost and empty, and have no one to talk to. He would lose his friends, family, etc if this information got out, and my friends and family would think I'm crazy for staying with him...Please someone help!!!

I have been married for several years. I have noticed something wrong. My husband always has to have a man friend, and goes over his house until all hours in the morning. I have caught him with porn reeeipts and after lying, admitted that they watched more than one gay porn movie. I have also found cards from people that should have been written to a woman, he says that cards are jokes, sexual enhancement drugs (used), and we have not had sex for over a year. He has an excuse for everything. I also heard him and this person on the telephone talking about having sex. He said they were joking. He always has an excuse, or lies. I told him that I believe he is gay, but he denies. I do not believe him. What do you say?

Hello everyone!
Well, I have been married for 10 years. I do love my wife and we have 2 beautiful children.
I have had some bisexual feelings for the past 3 years. I have never been into a bisex relationship, but I do want to try something like that. But I do not want to do anything hiding from my wife. I do want to open up to her but I just don't know how to do. I don't think she would leave me and I do not have any intention to leave her. We have a great sex life. We have toys, we watch movies including bisex movies. I do not enjoy gay movies, but I like bisex movies where there is a woman, a man and another man. We have watched a couple of these movies together in the past. But now I want to try something like that. I am interested in hearing from people who are in the same situation as me, and hear from females that has had this confession made by their husbands. Thanks a lot.

Dear "dieingnside,"

I really feel for you. Your story sounds really sad and it's not fair for him to do that to you. It is a total disrespect of what marriage vows mean. If he had questions he should have resolved them before he made a life-long commitment.

His having bisexual feelings is also a different matter than the vows. It doesn't mean that he can cheat just to see how it feels. I mean, if the same thing happened with a woman it would be equally wrong. He needs to see that. Sexual confusion is a totally different issue and it doesn't justify wrong action. If he really is bisexual then you are right, it means he is attracted to women too so he needs to stick with you.

The biggest thing is that now he is a liar and cheat. He said he "can't believe it happened to him" but he had a choice and made it happen. Don't let him make this into an issue of sexual orientation. He has revealed something deeper about his character and his ideas about commitment. That is the biggest thing to work through if you are going to work this out.

Basically, man or woman, he is stringing you along while he explores feelings toward someone else with a carefree attitude like he isn't married. Sure he acts hurt, but if he came to you saying he is curious about other women and had experiences with another woman and then acted sad and confused like he was trying to figure out if he wanted to be with you or explore relationships with her or other women then what? You wouldn't take it.

I hope you don't have kids that he is putting through all this too.

I can't say anything to make it better, but I hope you can make him see these things so that he can see your pain and not just his own sad confusion. I think you need to not hide it from him but to talk to him very clearly about his betrayal.

Seems like right at this point you are a special person and more than he deserves.

One thing I can say is don't let this make you feel worse about yourself as a woman or as a person. This is his issue. I can feel from your message, the love you express for him, and the desire to work it out despite the shock he has given you that you are a special person that someone should be happy to have in his life. So no matter how bad you feel, don't blame yourself. Don't let yourself die inside.

my husband wants to disolve a 5 year relationship, one of them being married. He suddenly became unbearable to get along with just before he broke down one night finally and told me he thinks he is bisexual. i said why do you think that? he said he let a man give him oral sex.See he was sent to a gay bar to do some refrigeration work.That same night he got a dui, as if that wasnt bad enough.I was glad that he could open up to me and that we had a real crises to work through as a married couple.Well he thing is he said "i cant stay married to you, i cant do this to you." well i couldnt beleive what i was hearing. What ,we are married and love eachother so much.We laugh and have good times. He was unfaithful to me.He said he is so sorry he cant beleive this could happen to him. He was embarrassed.I said this is the first, yes. I thought you made it 34 years without it, cant you go another 34. i have read ,other wives husbands dont want to lose them, but mine says he cant be with me like that. We cried and cried and had sex for hours. i thought i could make him realize i was worth him trying for. My husband said financialy he will continue to give me his paycheck. He has a restricted license for a year and no where to go. I cant eat sleep or concentrate for long periods or time. I cant seem to let him go. I know he loves me and i pray we can just make it stop. I have asked him not to see anyone and to stay faithful. ( who knows) anyway knowing he was sorry and hurting i can forgive him. He said he would not talk to that man again. That man has been telling him so many things. I feel like i am fighting a loosing battle. He only wants to take my husbands virginity, if you know what i mean. I am the outsider. who do i talk to about this, my family adores him my friends say "i can see how much he loves you, by the way he looks at you." so now we figured that for the next year he would live at home do to the fact he needs me and i want him. He needs to have a vehicle to drive to work, and he has asap starting soon. We have bills. He cant leave me to fin for myself. (he said)What i really want to know is can i make him want to my husband and not cheat? He is still married,you just cant go do what you want. Is this realistic to think this can happen?We still sleep together and tell each other we love one another, however we have only had a few laughs since.(few days) Do you think over a period of time he will loose his desire for that lifestyle. I try to this day to be the best wife i can. We french kiss and make out and have sex I wash his clothes and take care of things as usual. Then when he is not looking i break down and grieve and my heart hurts so bad.Before all this we had made plans for the summr. He hasnt come out of the closet yet. He is scared he will lose all his friends. Why come out. Faithfulness is faithfullness. When your bi you like both. ok i am female and he loves me, whats the problem?

I have been with my husband for 11 years. Married for 4. this is my 2nd marriage, his first. In the beginning the sex was great, but as the years went on it faded alot. a year after we were married, he cheated. With a woman from work, that i also knew. We were separated after that for a year.(he stopped seeing her too) When we got back together, he was sexually attentive again,but it lasted only about 4 months then it faded again. A very good friend of his is bisexual. he even hit on my husband one night-(he told me) now, my husband is very homophobic, so he says, but now i wonder..it has been 5 weeks of no sex so far for us, and he doesnt even seem to care. I always make the first move, and since i stopped it has stopped everyhthing. He watches porn all the time (straight) and masturbates continually, but yet he has no desire to be with me. I have heard there are "flags" to watch for..wanting alot of oral, masturbation over sex, loving anal...all things my husband is really into. I wont do anal with him, i dont like it, but all the porn we have is alot of anal sex. I wonder if he is more interested in the men then the women. Not only that but one time he asked to have a toy in the "other end" when we were fooling around. when i asked him why, he got all nervous and said never mind...he never brought it up again. I am at a total loss of what to do! any suggestions??

I'm hoping somebody can give me some insight. I'm with a man who loves me very much. We have a very active sex life. I'm thinking, though, that he may either be bi or bi-curious. When he drinks he is very flirty with men. He likes to be physical with men, jokes about being with men (not in a derogatory manner), and just seems overall preoccupied with guys. We have been approached several times about foursomes, and he seems very interested. Many of his best friends are gay/bi. On the other hand, when he is sober, he can be possesive, jealous, and angry. My intuition (along with above seemingly obvious signs) tells me that he is at least curious, but how do I open this line of conversation. I know he loves me and is very attracted to me - I am not insecure about losing him. This is very confusing for me, but I would like to understand him and his motivations in order to better our relationship.

Hi,
I just got married a few months ago to my boyfriend for 3 years. He is a very nice man and we are very compatible. Before I met him I used to drink a lot and make out with anyone and everyone. After I met him we both got serious and things started to look good for both of us. Now a year before the wedding, he started getting aroused thinking of me with other men. And I found that very repulsive. Before our sex life used to be great but since a year I hardly have any sex drive. I love to cuddle and all that stuff but am not so much into sex. In the mean time his fantasies of me and other men has gotten worse. And he cannot help thinking about it. He thinks about it everyday.
What can we do? Is it something I did? Before he used to have a big problem with my ex boyfriends. He was very possessive. Now he is not. Infact now it turns him on. What can we do? We both are getting very depressed about it.

I have been married to the same man for 24 years. He always was a little "wild" in the bedroom and i usually always kept up with him. We had a great sex life.(i always thought he preferred masturbation over sex with me i was right) he loves to mastubate and wanted me to talk to him about things which i thought werent natural..or he coulnt get an erection over half the time. over the years hed continually cheat on me with women,(im talking skanky bar flies who looked like they needed to be introduced to a bar of soap and a shower) and then confess! I knowing (i guess i was in denial) that he deep down loved me thought he just had a problem, he drinks way too much beer,always has. Hes always bought what i call "skanky" skin magzines. over the years they always had women only in them. We split in 01 due to another affair. we got back together a week shy of a divorce. i couldnt have asked for a better husband! I thought finally! after all these years..it was worth the fight i thought.. we bought a new home all was well with us i couldnt have been happier. then within 6 months i found out hed been having yet another affair. id taken him to the dr earlier in the year for viagra as i thought pressure at work might be taking its toll. when i began to suspect i checked 2 viagras were missing,(they definitely were not used on me) then again a couple weeks later 2 more ..always 2. when he finally admitted he was sleeping with someone else, (he couldnt deny it i found a motel key card in his van)he stayed at the home for a couple of weeks living seperate from me and i sware to you i have never seen so much nothing in his eyes when he looked at me. he made a wisecrack one day, so i told him not to let the door hit him in the ass. he left, roaming around for days with his junk in his van he came back wanting to stay at the house and told me one noght it only hit him in spurts..i asked what? then i said o lucky me! get outta here! he finally left. he began staying with someone, but there was a pattern you could see it clearly. hed stay for a week with this person then hed be roaming again. i still thinking it was female was devoured in hate, and jealousy. i wanted to confront The bitch he always protected whoever or whatever he was seeing.never me, his wife of over 23 years.
as the months dragged on i wouldnt accept what everyone else and i do mean everyone else said they saw, including a good friend of my family who came to my wedding years back who happened to be gay, he had told my parents that he "knew one when he saw one" and that my husband "was one" well noone ever mentioned it to me..till now.
anyway, i started telling myself maybe everyone was wrong, (there are many many legitimate resons for thinking he at mininmum might be bi-sexual)
i still loved him, and for whatever reason wqas still very sexually attracted to him. by this time he was living at his mother's.
one night he stayed the night. we of course started to sleep together. he had taken me out to this hustler store and bought a "toy" something i do not prefer nor need but thought he might enjoy playing with with me of course. when the festivities got underway, at one point i looked up and to my shock my husband actually had the "toy" in his mouth acting as if it were real! and let me add that toy was anything but small! i immediately told him to stop, he finally did. i was naive enough to think he thought he was turning me on..so then a short time later as i was standing with my back to him i turned around he had the same toy and was rubbing it up against his private. i then yelled "QUIT!" told him i was gettng turned off not on.. he finally stopped again.
then a very short time later right in the middle of lovemaking being in the missionary position i noticed hed slowed up a bit, as i looked up i couldnt believe my eyes i saw him with that toy way over halfway down his throat acting as if he couldnt resist and had done it before (as there was no gag reflex)thta did it..i slid out from underneath him and i really dont think he realized it till i said something..he was acting like a nymphomaniac woman wit a man's penis..this along with countless other things i chise to ignore to me pretty much confirmed what id been warned about all those years. he still says he doesnt know why he cheats, hed cheat again if he came home..he at least see it this time. But all hes said throughtout all this when i think i have him and his g/f figured out is quote:"you dont know what your talking about this time Lynn" this is totally different"..and i know of a homosexual experience he had before i met him with a guy in his room after a drunken stuper one night, he just up and told me about that a few years back..which made me sick and it took years for me to stop picturing it in my head during sex. there was a reason he for what seemed to be no reason told me about that out of the blue. i truley think he was trying to tell me back then and lost his nerve..theres more but not nearly enough room or time to tell you. can you give me your opinion on this? i know straight men whod never ever even think about playing with that "toy" in such a manner..maybe chasing the woman around the bed with it..but not acting as if it were a male lover..please let me know am i crazy?theres so much more i could tell you..its insane.

hi I have with this guy for 11 years now. We have a child together and he has 2 other children by 2 other women. I have heard from a number of people that he hangs out with a lot of gays downtown and it seems like he use to always gets jobs in gay bars or food places. He has a few close friends that are gay and they drink together and hang out together. We have moved to a new place. He lives in GA and I in SC. He came here last year for a few weeks and when we had sex it was alot of rubbing ang things like that. He really likes it doggie style.I went to GA for 6 weeks and we did not have sex at all. I think he is cheating with a girl that keep calling but then he was always gone with this gay guy. I have no problems with gays but I already have low self-esteem and I just want to know. There are alot more signs to him being biseual. I have asked him and he just laughs. Please give some in sight.thanks

[Quote] By justsomeone on Monday, May 03, 2004 - 08:23 pm:


I hope this doesn't sound unsensitive, but... have you ever considered a threesome? if you're both comfortable with the idea, it might be something fun to try.

by the way, contrary to popular belief, lots and lots and lots of guys out there are bi. it's just not the most socially acceptable thing, and guys hate the idea of being branded "gay" (since most men who are attracted to men are actually more attracted to women). it sounds like he really loves you and is completely devoted, and I think you have nothing to worry about. you're just married to a man who has very normal fantasies.

you might be interested in reading about the Kinsey Scale... according to that research, most of us are "somewhat" bisexual, and sexuality is a spectrum where very few people are completely heterosexual or homosexual, with most falling somewhere in between. [Quote]

Dear JustSomeone:

The only thing you might be right about is the fact that this woman's husband really loves her.

To the women struggling with their husbands please find support from people who share your beliefs. Try www.firesofdarkness.com and www.pureintimacy.org

You can get information and talk to a counselor on a free hotline found at www.family.org

You have every right to grieve. You are experiencing a true loss. There is still hope.

I'm nervous even to write this but well.. 2 years ago I married to the most wonderful person. He is the man I love completely. The thing is he is divorced and has a 21 year old son who a year ago anounced to all he was gay. I respect him and have no problems with his fact.. actually I've done my best to handle the situation, but perhaps since then, I've been a little more concerned about some things about my husband.. most likely mare stupid things, but something makes me think some things seem weird, I don;t know why.. Could someone please write some of the usual signs I could expect of a gay man.. or of a man who is trying not to make it so obvious? Thank you

my husband came out to me about 4months ago and told me he was bi this only came about after a lot of guilty feeling and the fear of being caught and me leaving him. this brought out depression when he first told me i was heartbroken but i was so worried about him i kept strong and thought about the person i had been with for 10 year. people say that they knwe because their sex life had suffered, but with me we had a great sex life and still do. now things are settling down he has plenty of chances to leave but says he loves me and will not be leaving before i die. we now have a more loving and honest relationship and no secrets. i think that is the key, any advice i could give to anyone is talk to your partner things might turn out bad but at least you know but on the other had things might turn out great. I would say do nothing until you yourself have had time to think without any pressure and do with what you feel comfortable with. so good luck to all the people who find themselves in this kind of situation.

Hi, I have a cousin that needs advice. She has just left her husband of 16 years. They dated on and off (mostly on) for 9 years before they were married beginning when they were 15 & 16 years old. During their entire courtship they never had sex and it was his idea. After about 6 years of dating, my cousin decided enough was enough, got on birth control and told him what they were going to do - to no avail! About a year after their marriage my cousin had her first affair. About 5 years later, she had her second. She was going to leave her husband for the second man and confronted him about it but he talked her into staying (he doesn't know about the affairs). She felt guilty & bad so she told him she was committed to him and that she loved him and that was that. With talking to her recently I have found out that even after the marriage sex with her husband was infrequent and unfulfilling. She says it didn't feel intimate. I think this is what drove her to the other men. Anyway, it has been about 4 years since she has had sex with her husband now. He doesn't "appear" to be gay but he has done and said some things that make her wonder. My question is - if her husband is attracted to women but just has a low sex drive, don't you think in the 25 years he has been with his wife he would have sought counseling or treatment? My husband would have sex ever day if I'd let him. I just can't understand how my cousin's husband can 40 years old and not have had sex in 4 years! Also, they have no children (no sex is great birth control!) so her story isn't like the other stories of women finding out their husbands are gay on the web sites I've been searching. I feel really bad for both of them. IF he is attracted to men, his family would disown him so maybe my cousin and his marriage is a cover. But, if that is the case he needs to release her so she can be a sexually fulfilled woman. She has given too many years to someone who doesn't desire her sexually and calls her "buddy".

KfromIN, do not judge or doubt anyone without any sure proof.it will ruin your own family,After few years men lose interest in sex,talk to him,what r the signs u doubt him as a gay/bi

I have been having a sixth sense that my husband is gay or bi-I'm so mortified that I can't even ask him. He is actually seemingly a homophobic and so to even broach the subject in my home is taboo. I need someone to let me know what specific signs might be. I have 2 children by another marriage and they both love him dearly. We have sexual intercourse but not as often and it seems masturbation is mostly what he wants. Please, someone help me. I need advice and understanding.
K from Indiana

I too am married to a man who has confessed that he is bisexual. Its a devistating thing. It kills the very fiber of your sexuality. On this board alone I have read of women who's husbands dont enjoy sex, or have very low sexual drives, or only want oral or masturbate. Those are red flag signs! My husband and I have been married for 25 years, and although I have had suspicions, It was never acted upon till recently! Our relationship had deteriated to the point of being two strangers in a house. I knew something was up but not sure what. I accidently found out when I was on the computer and found homosexual porn, and his Yahoo IM popped up, and he was messaged by a gay friend. Its the worst that can happen. And whether or not its a man or woman, infidelity is the same! How anyone can say, oh well, it was not that bad, it was just another man, is beyond me! Its the worst thing that can happen to a woman! You start to question your whole reason for existance! You start to say, what could I have done to keep him from going that way. Its not YOUR fault! He is not a straight man! Whether or not he is bi ( a bogus scapegoat term) or gay, he is not the straight heterosexual man you thought you married, and therefore your thoughts should be on how YOU will take care of yourself! I want to direct you to the Str8 Spouse network and the Wives of bi/gay husbands yahoo group. They are thousands of people, going through the same thing you are, and there are more of us than you think! The str8's group is for men and women, and believe me, the feelings when a wife comes out as gay is just as devistating as when a husband does! Just put those terms into your search engine, and you will be surprised how much information and sites and support groups will come up. Please do not take any of the responsibility for your husband's orientation on yourself. You are still a real woman. Whatever happens in your marriage, you need to be strong and have the loving support system around you to face the days ahead. It does not ever go away, but it gets easier to bear!

I hope this doesn't sound unsensitive, but... have you ever considered a threesome? if you're both comfortable with the idea, it might be something fun to try.

by the way, contrary to popular belief, lots and lots and lots of guys out there are bi. it's just not the most socially acceptable thing, and guys hate the idea of being branded "gay" (since most men who are attracted to men are actually more attracted to women). it sounds like he really loves you and is completely devoted, and I think you have nothing to worry about. you're just married to a man who has very normal fantasies.

you might be interested in reading about the Kinsey Scale... according to that research, most of us are "somewhat" bisexual, and sexuality is a spectrum where very few people are completely heterosexual or homosexual, with most falling somewhere in between.

other man is less dangerous than a women,he need time and your understanding/care, everything will be ok

My husband confessed to me several months ago he is bisexual. I have been dealing with it and showing him extra affection and support. He was afraid I would think him to be a freak. I must admit it did upset me at first, but I was only upset that he had hidden it from me for so long. He says he has not had an affair, and he has given me no cause to doubt him. However, I am worried he may not be able to resist in the future. He says he doesn't want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone else but me. The problem is he admitted he was having strong desires for men and at times said it was a little difficult to surpress his urges to be with men. I asked him if his urges for infidelity ran to the spectrum of women as well and he said it's not as bad because he has me at home. This whole time he has maintained he prefers women to men. He says his desires are stemming from the fact that being with a man is something he can't have. Like a person on a diet having to resist the urge to eat chocolate cake. He said it was nothing to worry about because it would pass with time. I asked him if the urges have always been this bad and he said no. I have given him several chances out of the marriage and he has said no every time; saying that he wants me and only me. Sex has been normal for the most part. I am not sure what to believe. What does anyone else think?

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