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WELL THIS IS A CRAZY BUT TRUE STORY, MY HUSBAND OF TWENTY YEARS HAS STATED HE WANTS A DIVORCE APPROXIMATELY 8 MONTHS AGO. YET HE HAS NEVER MENTIONED IT AGAIN, THERE IS NO SEX HOWEVER HE CAN FINGER ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND IF I TRY TO DO ANYTHING ELSE LIKE HAVE SEX HE JUST SAYS NO. HE WILL SOMETIMES SAY COME HERE AND JUST HUG ME UP AND THEN HE WILL JUST ROLL AWAY . I DONT KNOW YOU EITHER WANT TO WORK THIS OUT OR NOT. WE HAVE BEEN STRAPPED FOR MONEY FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS DUE HIS FATHERS ILLNESS AND THEN WHEN HIS FATHER LEFT HIS MOTHER AFTER 40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND MARRIED SOMEONE APPROX 30 YEARS YOUNGER AND DECIDED TO SUE US FOR ABUSE OF POWER OF ATTORNEY AND FUNDS ETC, WELL THAT DRAINED OUR FINANCES AND HIM EMOTIONALLY WHICH I CAN UNDERSTAND SO I WENT SHOPPING FOR MY DAUGHTER AND TOOK SOME MERCHANDISE AND GOT CAUGHT FIRST TIME BUT I DID NOT GET PROSCUTED BUT I DID TELL HIM AND HE JUST WENT BULLISTIC I FULLY EXPECTED THAT BUT NOT TO SAY THAT WELL WHAT A PRESENT AND YOU NEVER LET ME BE MAD ABOUT THIS YOU JUST KEPT SAYING IT WAS ME NOT YOU AND I IMMEDIATELY STARTED SEEING A THERAPIST AND GOT HELP ETC. AND ITS NOT LIKE HE NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG FOR GOD SAKES HE TOOK LAP TOPS ETC FROM HIS JOB. BUT HE WOULD SAY WELL I NEVER GOT CAUGHT . THEN HE WOULD SAY WELL YOU NEED TO GO TO WORK EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOT WORKED IN 15 YEARS I RAISED OUR CHILD AS A STAY HOME MOM. AND USED TO SAY WELL THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA THE MOMS ARE OUT WORKING NOT TAKING CARE OF THE BABIES. HE IS A MGR FOR A HUGE COMPANY THAT IS GLOBAL HE MAKES ABOUT 200,000.00 SO I WAS LIKE I MOW THE LAWN EDGE, WEED WACK PAY THE BILLS. KEEP THE HOUSE IRON YOUR SHIRTS KEEP THE HOUSE IMMACULATE. HOWEVER I WAS NOT THE GREATEST COOK AND I HATED TO COOK SO OVER THE YEARS I DONT DENY THAT I SHRUGGED THIS RESPONSIBILITY AND WE ATE OUT A LOT SO I HAVE TRIED TO DO ALLTHE OTHER STUFF AND COOK KEEP THE CARS UP WAXED ETC. LOOK I AM NO SAINT BUT EVERYONE SAYS THE THEFT THING IS AN EXCUSE FOR HIM TO LEAVE OR WHATEVER. BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ALCOHOLICS ETC AND PEOPLE GET HELP AND SOME DONT AND STAY MARRIED. SO THE 411 MY CHILD DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITHOUT HER DAD BUT IS WILLING TO MOVE ON IF HE WOULD JUST SAY AND PAY HIS SUPPORT ETC. AND QUIT LEAVING US IN LIMBO. WHAT DOES ANYONE THINK I AM WILLING TO WORK IT OUT ETC. BUT HOW LONG CAN A PERSON NOT BRING UP THE DIVORCE QUESTION.. AND BY THE WAY THE JURY SIDED WITH US AGAINST HIS FATHER. BECAUSE THE DRS. NOTES ETC WAS OVERWHELMINGLY IN OUR FAVOR. SO BUT I DO KNOW IT MUST BE INSANELY HARD FOR A FATHER TO DO A SON AND GOD KNOWS IT TOOK A TOLL ON HIM. FOR THIS I AM SORRY HOWEVER I SNAPPED FOR NOT HAVING ANY MONEY FOR EVER DRAINING OR RETIREMENT AND ALL SAVINGS FOR THIS LAWSUIT TOOK A A TOLL ON ME I STOLE. SO I AM SORRY FOR THIS AND AS I SAID I SEE A THERAPIST. BUT THIS IS NOT A REASON FOR A DIVORCE. BUT IF WANTS ONE WELL BRING IT ON AND WE WILL AMICABLLY WORK IT OUT BUT NO SEX NO KISSES NO NOTHING FOR PUNISHMENT FOR THE THEFT WELL THAT S NOT RIGHT EITHER. LETS RESOLVE AND MOVE ON AGAIN WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK

In Limbo, well begun is half done.
My husband has a mid life crisis for almost 2 years now. I am married to a great man who is a gullible, selfish man who deep down has a heart but is soooo bitter. how foolish he is to miss out on his childhood sweetheart, me from the time i was 14 and he 16. after 23 years, 4 children, 1 grandchild, (i am just 44) i have grown into a new woman who can resume my personal growth as i have lived for and loved my husband and children for the past 2 decades.
Rome wasn't bulit in a day, but i am headed for my next wonderful life adventure. i want my husband ty be part of it but he is stuck in his bad choices and i think he is still obsessed with intimate relationshipes with russian girls and business associates. life is hard and expensive. he has 4 great kids and was able to put 1 through college, and on is in college now. our dept is great and he is desperate. desperate people do desperate things. now he keeps his darker side under passwords on his phone and secret codes, locks etc. and.... he can go on like this because he can put the blame on me somehow, and so we are still married, but he said he doesn't love anybody, and he never kisses me.

almost always nasty to me, but surely sweet or sexy to his young "girlfriends" ticks me off and makes me want to throw all his stuff out of the house and clear out all our assets. I NEVER do this. i don't know why except i guess i must love him still and i honor my marriage and i have integrity. somewhere in him is the honorable boy i married and i can touch him at night and remember him.

so, please answer these 2 questions for me if you can: Do cheating mid life crisis men ever shape up and remember their wives and come back to love and honor their wives? Do women who have these husbands and are in a "life transition" phase ever learn to love and care about themselves more than their husbands and continue in their marriage? thank yo uso much for your time and i hope to hear back as i am hanging in limbo....sincerely,

I find that I am so lonely. My husband of 16 months claims to love me...acts as if he loves me; tells me he would be lsot without me....until I disappoint him. Once I upset him, it is, "Get out!" "I don't want you," etc; and I can plead with him, sit right next to him and pore my heart out to him and he is immune to it. I do not think that I should be a drama queen, and that he should be overly worried about me, but this is a man who, during "good" days will worry if I stub my toe, but, if he is upset iwth me, I can be wheezing or gasping for air, and he will quietly channel surf.
I get so confused. I would not be able to stand it if he were hurting. Just tonight, I am laying in bed with my head raised, obviously so sad, and he is busy watching Dr. 90210...important episode about women getting breast augmentation. I had been laying with my top off but got so self-conscious, I quickly put on a camisole

hi i have been married for 6 years now and I have three beatifull girls. My husband ...uh how can I start... he keeps telling me that he doesn't love me and that he did not want to marry me the first place ... I try my best to make him happy by doing all the things he like and prepare all the food he likes and in the past 6 years he never said that the food is good. I put on lots of weight after giving birth and I managed to shed 27 lb and I did not hear a word of encouragement instead he tells me that no matter what I do even if I eat air I will look the same and that my bones are wrong and the fat does not make a difference.... Every time I try to discuss any regular life matter he would say " I did not want to marry you at the first place"... I have to wake up every day and take my children out to play in a shopping mall or swimming and if I did not he will be calling me annoying me and act weard all day as a bunishment...today I tried to tell him that we should live WITH our kids and not FOR them and I said our life is not normal his answere was lets end this merriage... I tried sooooo hard to please him but mission is impossible and i think that no matter what I do nothing will.... I even spied on him to see if he have someone else in his life their was no one... PLEASE help me understand whats wrong with the man I married cause he is driving me crazy and I don't know why I feel terrible when he act weard and I cannot ignore. he control me emotionally and I allow him to do that and I think he is enjoying it please help me.

This is an issue that can actually kill a spouse IF nothing is done to understand the process.

Great that you attempted to diagnose his nature and try find why he acts this way.

Well marriage entails a responsibility but before that an overall and realtime ACCEPTANCE of the person. Many times people do accept responsibility but dont accept and other times they accept the partner but afterwards become irresponsible.

In your case you have a man who is hostile, acts as an enemy and unfriendly etc.
Well there is something frustrating in his mind which he dint deal in time. Eg. It could be a relation before knowing you, a certain unfulfilled desire, or he EXPECTED for long time to some particular attribute in his potential wife and he dint see, and last but possible is a child hood trauma that impacted him to act like this.

So you will need to dig deep here.
Next you will have to FIND out the Root of his unhappy MOOD and what is it that he EXPECTED to see in you. Imagine he has an ideal woman as lets say like a particular image/an old friend, fiancee, actress etc. you have to know it.
Next accept that he is not happy with your current image and trust me there are zillion possibilities to fix that. You dont need to get a surgery or anything but just cosmetic changes and styles etc. can today make a person look amazingly different.

Next DO NOT REACT. While knowing that he is as hard as wood or rather plywood, be kind, normal and natural without being unpleasant. Ignore annoying acts.

Boost some ego in you with changing your self image and also creating some more social circle. Dont rely on him for that.

Many people just dont know how to appreciate anyone its because they devalue themselves and nobody has encouraged or loved them sincerely.
So to get what you want GIVE HIM that. That is encouragement, apperciation of his SLIGHTEST GOODNESS. SOme good is always there in a man. Dont tell me no you dont find anything good. Be considerate and give him respect DESPITE [YES YES] his being unappreciative.

There is some love somewhere, 3 girls dint appear by magic so dont be so extremist that he doesnt like you or love you. May be he does but as i said he is UNABLE to express it for his own lack of any self esteem.

So start by KNOWING Him and more and being more loving. He will change gradually and once he BREAKS his DAM or barrier he will open up and to achieve that be the warmer possible. He is not confident enough to face you and accept you. OK. fine. You do that to start with and soon he will follow.

So write me and try your best to bring some changes in you. This is your homework. You have done well in writing this message and if you pursue you will be able to conquer it all and soon start a normal life.

editor

hi i have been married for 6 years now and I have three beatifull girls. my husband ...uh how can I start...he have an ocd for sure and constipation problems..he does not allow me to touch bread with out washing my hands and change my clothes... we are not supposed to change the place of his hair brushes or come any where near his clothes if they are arranged in the closet
he keeps telling me that he doesn't love me and that he did not want to marry me the first place ... I try my best to make him happy by doing all the things he like and prepare all the food he likes and in the past 6 years he never said that the food is good. I put on lots of weight after giving birth and I managed to shed 27 lb and I did not hear a word of encouragement instead he tells me that no matter what I do even if I eat air I will look the same and that my bones are wrong and the fat does not make a difference.... every time I try to discuss any regular life matter he would say " I did not want to marry you at the first place"... I have to wake up every day and take my children out to play in a shopping mall or swimming and if I did not he will be calling me annoying me and act weard all day as a bunishment...today I tried to tell him that we should live with our kids and not for them and I said our life is not normal his answere was lets end this merriage... I tried sooooo hard to please him but mission is impossible and i think that no matter what I do nothing will.... I even spied on him to see if he have someone else in his life their was no one... please help me understand whats wrong with the man I married cause he is driving me crazy and I don't know why I feel terrible when he act weard and I cannot ignore. he control me emotionally and I allow him to do that and I think he is enjoying it please help me.

DO you have any hobby or work? Maybe you can concentrate on them and also start going out with your friends....
When he will know that you CAN do without him, he'll come back like a kid. Trust me, men like you ONLY when they have to chase you or when they understand you can and will do without them if necessary.
Take care..

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years in July. We have 2 daughters and we were seperated for about 3 weeks. He came home after a family members wedding and me and our girls were in it. The same preacher who married us did this wedding also, so it brought back alot of happy memories for us. Well he has been at home for 2 weeks now and we are not fighting daily like we were before he left. I found out while he was gone that he had met a girl that he had talked to on the phone a couple of times and he ended that as quickly as it started. So he says. I don't have unexplained phone calls or unexplained times for him these past 2 weeks so I am assuming it is over. They did nothing but talk anyways, but as you can imagine it still broke trust because we agreed to not talk to anyone else or date and only work on our problems. Well, I am getting to the part where I don't understand what he is thinking.........he won't move all his stuff back home (a few clothes) because he said he doesn't want to have to move it all back over again and he doesn't know if he is going to stay. I ask him well why not if we are getting along and working on our problems why not make a full jump into this and committ. He can't answer that, refuses to discuss it further as he say's we are fighting again. I feel like I am chasing this man, or letting him "control" every aspect of our destiny and keeping my emotions hostage!! I love this man with all my heart and read every book on the subject of seperation and practiced everything they said to "letting go" and give him space but when he did come back I feel he came back but is holding back alot more! I don't want half a partner and frankly I am wondering if this is how it is going to be. I have to initate all sex, he is unaffectionate, he is EXTREMELY SELFISH when if comes to me or the kids!!!! I don't think I have met a MORE SELFISH PERSON in my life!!!!!! I have never seen a dad selfish to his kids like he is. Has anyone gone through this and can anyone offer advice? How long to you let someone say, "I will let you know, when I think you fully Deserve my love!" That is how I feel I am waiting for him to say to me! HELP!!!

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