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Husband cheated just to end our merriage now wants to work things out

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I just found out my husband slept with another women. He moved out 15 months ago, and told me he just needed some time by himself. I finally relized that he did not want his family anymore. he wanted to be a single guy and do whatever he wanted. But soon enough he kept on calling the home and telling me how much he missed me and his childern. Then he would nottalk to us for weeks. Then he would turn around and say he misses us all over again. I thought that he was on drugs.


But finally I realized that there was another women. What I can not understand is why when we were apart he would buy things for me and the home. Then ask to come home. Then would tell me to move on with my life. Is this what happens when you have a wife and childern and another woman? The man I thought was going to be my rock forever just broke my heart in pieces. Today he want to work things out. I have so much pain, I do not even know what to think anymore.

Well confused there are two possibilities a man can go astray and bit lost like your spouse. The first thought is always that it could be a woman that keep a man away from his world ei family and wife. This could be a possibility because depending on the relation with other woman or man, the spouses react and when they get disillusioned or find similar or worse traits in them, compared to their own spouses, they want to get rid of the other woman or man.

The outcome of this state of affairs is that most such spouses remain like a bipolar disordered person or parted in two; unless they see the clear light and someone guides them to their original partner.

The second possibility is drug substance abuse that forces the user to become a total addict and almost a zombie and they are under influence of someone who uses them till they really become powerless.

If the combination of another male or woman exists with the drug problem, then it is worse.

In my view there is a 3rd possibility where about 1 % people may fall and that is an internal quest for meaning of life triggered by some depressive time of childhood or some event of disillusionment that propels them to disenchant from life and go berserk and they become bohemians or vagabonds.

Whichever the case be, your problem is that you have a man who is confused and weak.

If you really want him back and think that you can restart your life, communicate with him and give him some security but be straight and clear that you are full of fear and insecurity caused by his actions. If you both can communicate openly and you want him, let him come in and back in life and see how things go.

There is a probability that many people do get reformed after a certain vagabond period of loneliness or with wrong kind of companions n they long to return to their partner.

Have some compassion, remove your confusion, be firm, clear, listen to him and let him know your mind and you may rediscover him.

Pl dont think, act and take a decision.

Write back.


editor

my husband is in the military overseas and is now thinking our marriage was a mistake. not that i am a mistake but the timing. how do you cope while waiting and try to continue on with your life day to day?

Lorie r u sure,he will not cheat on u again,when he knows u forgive him...


if u r sure he will be loyal to u,then continue with him,else its better to get out of there right now.

My Husband is currently on the military we have been married for 4yrs about 8 weeks he left me and my son of 3yrs old. According to him he was only confuse and neede so time to know what he wanted in life. I gave hime time i have just found out that he was with a 17yr old and his is 23yr old I confronted him and know he is sorry he wants to come home work it out, I Actually let him come back and we will be going to counceling, as well spiritual retreat i dont know if I did right my family i pretty mad but they told me is my life. I just hope I didn't make the biggest mistake of all

Jessica,
In situations like this, it all depends on the strength of the person who should forgive. As for me, I would leave but that may not be the best approach. It all depends on the foundation of your marriage, and how he is willing to work things out. Weigh and see what the positive and negative things are if you stay. If you are staying just because he didn't want you to leave will not solve or change anything.
Make sure you are going to have a better marriage otherwise, better to be free!

Escape

about 4 wks ago my husband did not come home from work. he never called or anything, next day he did not go to work he called in said he was in jail. well 4 days later he comes home we talked i knew he went out and got drunk and had an idea their was someone else. 1 wk later he confessed that he had an afferir with a bar tender because he no longer weanted to be married to me and he new that this was the one way to get rid of me. well i am still here. he now wants to work things out but wont let me have time to get over this he wont even make an effort to work on our merriage. i feel like everything in me is telling me to leave. he is now making my life miserable because he messed up. he thinks that i am going to get him back or leave him he keeps me up nights fighting about this.

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