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Neither of us want separation - but the pain I created has to stop

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My wife is pist at me. She hates me. She says she is working two part time jobs and doing all the house work and looking after the kids ect. ect. At this time she is working harder then me; but why does she hate me for it? She says she wants help and I don't help her. Don't get the wronge impression though - I have a professional job - make good money and pretty much support the family and have done so for 14 years. At times I have moonlighted in other jobs to make additional money so we can live a little better and go on tropical vacations ect.ect. I feel like I do my part and I can honestly say there are many periods in the last few years where I have worked far harder then my wife. Heck she did not work for the first year that all the kids were in school because she was felt like she deserved it then she took another year off because she could not find a decent job. Now she is a waitressing and bitching that she is doing way to much and hates her job. I tell her to cut down on shifts - but she won't. I tell her to go back to school, but she won't. I tell her I will buy her a business and help her run it - but she's to scard. I feel I'm being supportive but she hates me because she is doing more then me around the house. When ever I try helping her in the kitchen - I can't do anything right. When I clean the bathrooms - their not good enough. When I go to the gym for an hour workout- She says it must be nice. I bite my tongue because if I dare point out that she takes breaks by going out for coffee with her friends - she rips my head off. How dare I bring that up. Or how about when I worked 12 hour days moonlighting to make extra money for vacations- how dare you bring up the pass she says. Yet she says things would be easier if she moves out and she fantasizes about doing that. No shit - if I were to disappear she would find it hard as well. She says I don't show her love and affection - will no shit. I try but how can you honestly feel love towards someone who seems to hate your guts - by bitching at you all the time about not doing enough. My philosophy is who cares who works hardest. Sometimes its you - somtimes its me, but lets not hate each other for it and realize thats life and we have it pretty ••••••• good compared to the rest of the world. I can't help but think she is blaming me for her unhappiness in life.

my husband just funished a 2 week AA semenar..hes staying away fom the beer but still
chews,,,he has become a dry drunk..all the signs aare there..his attitude still stinks and hes rude and nasty..as if hes still drinking..we are getting a divorce and he cant wait.he really hates me and cant stand to be at home with me,, so hes making in really hard on me..he wants his girlfriend..not his wife..takes time to get a divorce ready and get the money together..

7month old twin boys. wife and i lost communication somewhere she left waiting for her trust for her to move back. its been 2months

How do I stop my ex husband from getting rid of my belongs i have at what use to be our home. It is not in his way, it is in the shed we bought when we were married. I have all my belongings there all over the place, now his girlfriend use all my kitchen stuff, to curtains u name it. but he said i have till saturday May 1,2004 to get my stuff out of his shed or he is throwing it all away. How could he do that! never mind he left me for a younger married woman from another town. who is smaller and nastier then i would ever be for him. they also have our kids living with them too.

I have never dreamed of this day in my life. Though not married by paper, my wife and I lived as a married couple for 5 wonderufl years ( or so I thought they were).
She has left me. She has taken all of her belongings from this 3 bedroom house, all three of the children and their belongings ( ages 8 "from a previous marriage",2 1/2, and 9 months) and has left me a broken man.
I guess I should start with the questionable situations that have occured in our life that led her to believe I had cheated (allthough I never would dream of it) Firts, when we first got online after about 2 years togther, I was on AOL messing with this woman. I guess I am a prankster you can say and I was doing what I thought was just a funny joke. I was telling this woman I would meet her one day. Well my wife found these emails but never told me. It so happens the day I told the woman I would meet her, I never did or intended to, I did not turn on my car phone. My wife was trying to get ahold of me, of course i did not know, so when it all blew up she thought I met this woman.
Second instance, I worked at a fast food chain as a manager. There was a 17 yea old girl there who was after a manager like me. I rejected her and told her no way. Well I went to the local marina to think one night and my car would not start. The next day at work I was telling people of my frustrated story. It seems this 17 yrd old ove heard my story and called my wife at home to tell her she was with me and she was the reason the car would not start. To top it off it gets worse. Before the marina incidence i aquired the girl's number so i could all her away from work to tell her to leave me alone. My wife found the number in my wallet. The girl told her parents we were doing stuff and they called my house to tell my wife to have her leave me alone. I went to the girl's house to tell her parents. They said she had done this in the past. And yet again my car would not start. So i had to call my wife to let her know what was going on. Of course she thought i was cheating again.This was about 2 years ago.
Last year, a mutual friend of my wife's and mine gave us her email address to chat. She is my ex-girlfriend. Well we emailed back and forth and chatted on Yahoo. One day she sent me naked pics and I to her. No harm in pics or so I thought. My wife found them since i did not try to hide them. She told me never to have contact with her again and I did not. Once again she thought i was cheating when nothing ever happened.
Friday, March 27th I think, was the day that ended our lfie as we know it. I looked up my ex's yahoo profile....I don't know why I just did.
She saw it in the history and this began what was to be our last fight together. She told me she had a crush on someone at work who was married, but she never told him or anyone else. She never flirts and has stopped talking to him because she felt she was betraying me.
She left 2 days ago, moved out her belongings as i said and the kids. She tells me she loves me, is not in love with me, and hates me all at once.
She says she needs time to think about our love and life etc, and doesn't know if she wants to save it or not. I have told her I would give her space and leave her alone. I told her I would only call if i want to see the kids.
I want to try counseling. She is not sure that is what she wants to do right now. She doesn't even think she wants to save our 5 year life and our family.
She did say we are just separated, not over. That she is considering couseling, and that she is still devastated by my lies and hurt. I love her and I am the man she loves, I just don't know what to do.
I know I cannot smother her or she will never want me back.
I know I was wrong.
I admit it freely.
I am just scared that our time apart will prove fatal to our relationship. She is a stubborn woman and I feel she is going to say " I feel like this relationship is over and I do not want to save it let's be friends"
I am not sure I can do this...5 yrs and two kids together is alot to throw away.
She has told me I can take her to dinner on her birthday in 18 days. I don't know what I should do now, if I should call or not, if I should try or not, I just don't want to smother her and push her away. I need help on this. I love her dearly and this is killing me inside.Someone please help me and don't feel afraid to email me about this> :-(

I would appreciate some really good advice please.

My wife (common law) has walked out on me. And I am finding it so hard to take. I love her with all my heart, and I think she does me. There are multiple factors. My insecurity, and her previous marriage. My wife was previously married to a good man, who loved her dearly as I do now. She was stifled by this, and in order to make room for herself and make a point, she moved out. He comitted suiside. Now she thinks its happening all over again. I changed countries to be with my wife, I gained permanent residency about a year ago. In moving here I had no friends and so I relied completely on my wife, and in 4 years it became overbearing, and I was too blind to see it. I further have issues with my religious beleifs, which in a nutshell is, that I should be properly married for this kind of relationship. I have been waiting for the right time to ask, but it just asn't been quite the right time. Now she thinks I don't want to, which is not true. I know my wife would not cheat on me, but I have always had a problem with allowing her to do her own thing, ie if she wants a night out on her own, I am dissapointed that she does not want me along, so she hasn't done it.

Right now I am seeking counciling, and so is she, I feel we both should see the same councillor, but at the moment she feels that separate councillors is the order of the day. She feels guilty about taking me away from the country I love, from the children of my previous marriage, from my work, and from the interests that I have had over there. She knows full well, that pursueing those interests in the country I am in now has less appeal. I know this to be true, but have accepted it, because being with her is of prime importance. She feels that it is on her shoulders to make me happy - and I have told her, that she cannot burden herself with this. It was me that made the decision to come to this country, not her. I have told her, that I am the only person who can be responsible for my actions. I have made an appointment to see a coucillor, so has she, and she said that her breif to the councillor is that she wants to do everything possible to continue our relationship, but not if in another 4 years it will still be the same as it is now (though she is wise enough to know that the future cannot be predicted) I will do anything to get her back, and I have to do something to control my demons, or evict them, If I do nothing she will not come back, if I do something and succeed I am still not sure that she will come back to me. She says she will make a decicion based on her councillors advice.(Please God, may it be good advice)

She has instructed me that if there is any chance of us getting back together I must confront my insecurity and make myself right with God. However, even if I get myself sorted she may not come back to me. The waiting is hell.

Thank you for reading

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