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Difficult Marriage : Negotiating repairing relations - Abuse Addictions Adultery Frigidity|
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| By DJ on Saturday, October 28, 2006 - 06:44 am: |
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 13 YEARS. I AM 32 HE IS 34 WE HAVE HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS WITH INTAMACY. SOMETIMES IT WAS ME NOT WANTING TO (DUE TO PREGNANCY, POSTPARTUM, LACK OF REST WITH OTHER CHILDREN ETC ETC) BUT, I WOULD COME AROUND EVENTUALLY. WITH MY FOURTH CHILD WE DISTANCED OURSELVES ALOT FROM EACH OTHER. HE IS SELF EMPLOYED AND HAD BEEN WORKING ALOT. WE HARDLY SEE HIM OR SPEND TIME TOGETHER. I HAVE TRIED TO COME CLOSE TO HIM TWICE SINCE THE BIRTH OF OUR SON FOUR MONTHS AGO. BUT HE CAN'T HOLD AN ERECTION. I'VE COMFRONTED HIM HE SAYS HE IS NOT CHEATING THAT HE IS JUST OVERWORKED, TIRED, AND THAT HE DOESN'T EAT WELL WHEN HE IS WORKING. I NEED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD KEEP PERSUING HIM IN BED OR IF I SHOULD JUST LET HIM GO AND WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I'M TEMPTED NOT TO COME CLOSE ANYMORE, I FEEL REJECTED, LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE GOING AFTER HIM AND HE IS NOT TURNED ON BY ME. I DON'T FEEL LIKE HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT WORK. WE HAVE SO MANY THINGS GOING FOR US. FOUR WONDERFUL CHILDREN, SINCE HE WENT SELF EMPLOYED FINANCES ARE GREAT. BUT, OUR MARRIAGE SUCKS! WHAT IS RECOMMEDED IN THIS CASE? SHOULD I JUST LEAVE THINGS IN HIS HANDS TO SEE WHAT HE DOES? IF HE EVER COMES AROUND TO MISS ME AT ALL?
A change of life style specially diet and an occasional fast and some tender care can turn around current scene.
Most men eat poorly and lack enough rest.
If he is overweight fasting, walking and change of diet will change his look, style and self esteem.
Please help him to help yourself.
editor
| By LOST HOPE on Thursday, October 19, 2006 - 04:38 pm: |
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED SINCE JUNE 2006. I AM 21 AND HE IS 36. THINGS WERE OK IN THE BEGINNING BUT AFTER ABOUT A MONTH HE STARTED MAKING ME SLEEP ON THE COUCH, BECAUSE HE SAID HE CAN'T SLEEP NEXT TO ANYBODY. HE ALSO HAS BEEN PICKING FIGHTS WITH ME EVERYNIGHT! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANY MORE. HE DOESN'T LIKE ME TALKING TO ANYBODY BECAUSE "IT'S NOT THEIR BUSINESS. BUT THIS IS RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP. I'M AT A LOSS.
| By Anonymous on Saturday, August 5, 2006 - 03:10 am: |
I have foud out that my husband of almost 7 year's has had
contact with his exgirlfriend.He told me he looked her up on
classmates back in Nov 2005 and now he can't get her out
of his mind.
He said when they broke up he was young & cocky and did
not care and when he found out how well she is doing a
wave of emotions came over him.emotions he did not deal
with then.
I've caught him leaving notes on my space hoping she
reads them
I took it upon myself to email her and she said she does not
want anything to do with him she has her family.
She said she is sadden for me to have to deal with this.
I don't want to live with always thinking he loved her more
than he does me,but i can not help it
Does he wish he married her? Does he think of her often?
He call's me baby which i know he called her to and i hate
it
He gets in these mood's and when he does it usually means
he is thinking about her.
I am trying to be supportive,but he is not being fair to me
and my feeling's...like i should not get upset about all this or
something
I told him i feel this is worse than a sexual affair because
usually that is just about the sex, this is messing with my
emotions and my heart.
i know he can not see her because she lives on the other
side of the state.
but his thinking about her is killing me
Am i crazy to be so hurt?
I dont want to always be compared to her..
Help someone please............
| By sick with filth on Friday, July 28, 2006 - 07:37 pm: |
My wife and I have been married for almost a year and we have one baby girl together, she has 3 other children. My wife is "self employed", and is suppose to work from home, which she doesn't, for the most part I do her job for her plus I have my own job outside the home.
Since she won't do her "job" she has nothing else to do through out the day. I come home from work and the house is a total wreck,, we have to walk over clothes throughout the house, food is left out for days, dishes dirty in the sink, and some times there's even evidence of the dog having an accident. None of the problems get fixed unless I say something or clean them up my self.
Am I being selfish in thinking she could do more around the house since she's not bringing any money in to help out with the bills that can't get paid?? Also am I expecting too much from her??
| By AntzyOne on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 01:38 am: |
I have been Faithful Married Woman for 20 yrs. For most of this time I have Never even been tempted to become Unfaithful. However, I am beginning to Think of trying to Find someone now. My husband has been off work for over 2yrs. because he hurt his shoulder at work. He had surgery back before Christmas, but still says he is in constant pain with it. So, he is on Pain Pills, Every Day. He doesn't take them every 4 hrs. just as he feels he needs it. Which is at least a couple every day.
My husband SAYS that his Pills are not the reason he can't perform Sexually. That is just the pain that he is in. According to the doctors, he should be a lot better now and be about fully recovered, or as Recovered as he is going to get.
He has Always been HIGHLY Sexed, but now he SAYS, he has No Interest In SEX at All. However, I usually end up going to bed Alone, EVERY Night, and he stays up on the net Reading News around the world, he says. That is NOT True. He does read news, but he also goes into quite a Lot of PORN Sites, and today I saw that he had also gone into the Adult Friendfinder Site.
I am beginning to feel like a Fool. I have told him that I feel that he is just Not Interested in ME. He denies it. I am not just sexually frusterated, I feel disgusted with my own self, and I am feeling so Alone that I think I am gonna go crazy. Please any advise is Helpful.
| By Anonymous on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 12:42 am: |
How do you deal with a husband who is unwilling to seek the approprate help he needs for alcoholism?
| By serious on Saturday, March 11, 2006 - 03:53 pm: |
I need help.........I love my husband more than anything else in this world and we have 2 beautiful children.....my problem is my husbands lieing.....I found pot in his car (i wasnt snooping I was looking for a tissue) and he denied it being his...hes lied about the past on this issue. Also.....I saw him on a "sex chat line" and I later looked up his profile and it stated he was single....he said he did this to "joke" with me..... why does he think I am so stupied? Later on he said "its no big deal, I am not going to cheat on you". he says he loves me but I am ready to leave......please help save us.....if there is anything saving.
This is the most serious help you will ever get:
Take an appointment with him just like you take an appointment with some professional for a serious meeting or create an intimate time where you can talk to him one to one.
Look into his eyes and tell him without any anger or fear, but with compassion that his path may not lead to love and peace but death and destruction and if he could tell you the causes of his electing this path?
Obviously you know the answer. The lust and bad company can lead an otherwise good but vulnerable person to self destruction.
After that explain him that by doing all that he is also virtually killing you and children and he will be doing away with many lives.
After that just never ask, never get upset. If he continues, get out. No more questions.
editor
| By Mary on Thursday, February 9, 2006 - 04:37 pm: |
My husband in 2003 started coming and going for a few hours then it got to be weeks then in 2004 he came home the next day he was gone and has not come back. He is living with hispanic women with two kids she claims one is his. He told me that he did not leave me for her that they hook up month after he left. He was not coming over to see our son together, calling and just paying here and there child support. He was not even coming for birthdays or giving christmas presents to our son. He has gotten so far behind in child support in January 2006 they were going to take him to court. She (his mistress-Hispanic)told him not to pay the child support they would not do anything to him. He told her that they will put him in jail. So he paid the amount required. He gives her his paycheck, he has lost his truck, repo on a car, he has his Daddy's car repo because he was not paying the payments, bill clietors are after him. She has kicked him out several times, but he ends up back there. He has started calling, coming over, he came to our son's birthday party this year. He comes over kisses me hugs on me and holds me. He said he wants to leave, but does not have his own car to get back to work, so he stays. I have filed for divorce and it fell though and I lost money. When I get the money a bill comes up and I have to pay it. Now that I have the money he has started coming over, and doing things with us. But I have not heard from him in three days, the last time he was over he took his boom box with him. He has never removed any of his things from the house. He was diagonsed with depression back in May 2003. A friend recently told him he was unhappy or depressed and needed to talk to someone. so he talked to a counselor over the phone that's a friend with this guy. The counselor told him that he has messed up and has done a lot of bad things to a lot of people. He needed to get hisself some help and then do what he needed to do to get things right with these people that he has done wrong. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he loves this women or what. His family says everytime they ask him question he says don' go there. That they follow him everywhere when he is visiting his family. He never has come over to the house, but when he does he stays till 8:00p.m. He never will take our son to his house for a visit. He told me that he wanting to do a DNA test on the boy to see if he is really his or not, because she is seeing someone when my husband is not around. How can a tell if my husband is just using me because she's not showing him any affection? I live in Georgia what's the law say if you are separted from your spouse, but has sex with them can you not get a divorce or what? Is there any thing I can change this lady with? Any comments, suggestion are welcome. I truely love my husband, but am having a hard time dealing with everything.
| By JOHANMAN on Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 03:42 pm: |
How can I trust again?
I recently found out that my wife was swapping rather lewd and informative emails with a male friend of hers, whom I know.
The emails discussed how 'wet' he made her and also mentioned in one instance how she wished he would come and pick her up and give her hot sex in his car.
Upon more reading I found where she even mentioned meeting up with him when I left town for a soon to be business trip. Her exact quote was "I'm dying here, I can't wait."
Once i confronted her on the issue, she initially seemed mad. Some background, a few weeks ago, she started accusing me of cheating on her. She had found a fliratious email that i had sent to someone at work and read way more into it. I had noticed a difference in her at that point.
Her claim is that she was just protecting herself and that she would have never went through with it?
We've talked and talked and talked about it. We have a two-year old child and I have two step kids. My family means the world to me and to her I thought.
It's only been a few days, but some of her issues I do understand and I can see where she was headed.
My question is...
Am I just being crazy wanting to believe?
| By Anonymous on Sunday, July 17, 2005 - 03:10 pm: |
I have been married for 22 years. I was married at the age of 17 and I am currently 38 years old. I have an 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. My husband and I get a long, that is we don't have major fights, there has never been any abuse in our relationship and neither one of us has ever had an affair. However, our relationship is lacking and always has. We have tried counseling but nothing seems to work. Basically I feel almost like I am living with my brother and not a husband. We don't really share ideas and dreams. We both respect each other a tremendous amount but I feel very very alone. I have explained these feelings to him many times but we just don't seem to be able to connect.
I recently attended a business conference and met a wonderful man. I was not looking for anyone and neither was he. For some reason we were both attracted to each other and felt very close. This was several months ago. After this conference we have continued to have contact and have developed a very strong relationship. He has also been married 20 years and seems to be going through the same feelings that I am. We both feel very alone in our marriages and we both feel like we have tried to resolve the alone feeling but our spouses are not capable of meeting our needs. We are both Christian and believe in doing the right thing. Since we have shared our thoughts and feelings with each other it has become even more apparent how much is lacking in our current marriages and we both feel very sad. Am I crazy to think that I could have possibly met my soul mate and we are suppose to be together?
| By sad on Friday, July 8, 2005 - 08:27 pm: |
My husband has told me that he dosent love me "in the same way" as he use to. We have been married for over 22 years. Ive tried toalking to him and all he says is it's not me its him. He says he has no one else, and he just needs to get away to think things over. He left today to go to New Orleans (family there) for the weekend. I have asked him to go to counseling- he refuses, or if I try to talk to him about feelings or working on the marriage he just says he doesnt want to talk about it, or leave it alone. He says he sees how much I care and love him and feels thatI am hurt, but he wont give an inch. We have 3 children. I dont know whether to cry, be indiffrent , divorce, or what but I am so down I cant stand it. He's told me oh I'll still take care of you and the children but I just want to seperate. Do you think there's someone else??? what do I do in the meantime, is this over??????//
| By Eden on Tuesday, July 5, 2005 - 02:27 pm: |
I have a sister who has been like a mother figure to me. I respected her and loved her all mylife until now. She is now interfering with every decsion in my life. I am 35 and she still makes me feel like a 15 year old with her tactcful diplomacy.
She rejects my current boyfriend. And has a history of weaked war with her own sister in-law who happenes to be my on and off friend. She hates my friendship with her Sister-in-law.
The latter has become so painful to deal with as i love my sister and my friend(my sis' sister in-law) I hide and sneak to associate with my friend and my sis getts furious if she learns about it. Now I am sick of it and wants to come out free of this burden. How do I tell my sister to leave me alone?
You should first thank and appreciate her for being protective and loving to you. You should tell your sister what you feel without doubts. Before that you should tell her that you do respect and love her but her constant over protective idea of life towards you is not really a practical idea.
You may also try writing her if you feel difficulty in talking to her. Her rejection to your choice of partner may be based on her own inner fears or bias. You may ask her what kind of person would be right for you? Probably she is a perfectionist and such people are forever seeking defects in others without ever looking within themselves to evuluate their own behaviour. Now she like most people considers this as a self survival idea but in reality manipulating and trying to control others life demonstrate a very insecure and fearful person. You can remove her fears by communicating to her more openly. Hope this helps!
If any reader has any ideas it will be great to hear as this is an issue that actually exists in many many families. There is always someone 'over protective' but oppressive and one does not know how to deal with such overcaring family members.
ed.
| By daniel on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 05:37 am: |
This is a really great site. It helped me a lot in understading my situation. Thanks for being there marriagepartner.com
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