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Hello to everyone, well here is my story, I started seeing a man that I have literally known since the two of us were in pampers, we started to see eachother back in January 1998. Considering the fact that the two of us grew up together and are 2 years apart in age, he told me that he would use cocaine from time to time, he tryed make it seem like he was just an occasional user and at that point I did not see any reason not to believe him. By the time we were 1 month into the relationship he had decided to move out of the house where he was staying with his son and his son's mother, I asked him whether or not he was sure about his decision to leave considering he was not working and did not have any options for getting his own apartment, he told me that he was sure because he felt like if he did not leave him and I would no longer be able to see eachother. He had an aunt that lived in the same area that we lived in, a few buildings away and he made arrangements to stay with her, it turned out that she was a crack head with her own problems but things were alright for a little while, but that did not last for long by the time we were in the relationship for 6 months his aunt was throwing him in and out of her apartment because he was not keeping a job and paying her rent for staying there and when he would work and pay her the rent she would immediately go out and buy crack with the money and harrass him and me when I would visit for more money. During this time I was still living at my mother's house with my son and I was looking for a job and really could not help myself much less help him with his problems and came to me at that point and told me that he needed to go out and find someone else who could help him financially and also used the excuse not getting along with my son's father, well I don't know I guess at that point I had no clue how serious his drug addiction had become and therefore did not take him seriously but he did exactly what he said that what he was going to do, he continued to see me and eventually told me that he was working for a limousine co. here in New York City, but I soon found out that was a lie and that the woman that he had gone out and met in a bar had actually worked for the limousine co., of course he denied everything and I believed him and we continued with the relationship. Three months later I paged him at a number that he told me the limousine co. gave him so that they could keep in contact with him in case they needed him back at work and the same woman that I later found out he was in a relationship with called me back, once again he denied everything and told me she was just a friend who's house he had stopped by to borrow some money from and once again I let the lies go and continued with the relationship, 1 more monthe passed and I began to get suspicious about where he was living and began to question him about it and he told me that he was staying at a friends house, another lie! He had called me one evening and asked me to come to Brooklyn because by that point I had relocated to another area, and when he asked me of course I said yes and went down to visit him the next day, we had sex everything was great and then the very next day I received a phone call from this same woman, her and I began to compare his lies and I found out that he was living in her house and then I told her that he was with me the day before and that we had sex, well of course she threw him out of the house. Keep in mind throughout all of this he was using her for money and a place to stay, Of course women usually try and fight the other woman instead of blaming the man that is the one actually causing the problem and that is exactly what we did, by this point she also realized that he had a serious drug problem and wanted him to go into a drug rehab, she turned around and lied to me and told me to go and visit him in rehab because she was finished with him but she ended up taking him back in her house again, He began to call me in the middle of the night and tell me how everything was my fault for not getting a job because in his opinion a woman was supposed to stand by her man no matter what, and he also began to tell me he loved her and that he was going to marry her and this of course devastated me to the point where I could not sleep at night and would sit up all night and cry. At this point we had cut off all communication and stopped speaking for the month of December 1998 and before you know it the new year was starting and we were in communication again and he was sneaking up to the office where I worked and even though I knew that he was living in the house with this woman I still let him see me and eventually he cheated on her with me and at that moment I knew that he would have to make a choice he was either going to be with her or with me but I told him that he needed to make a choice and then be honest with her and let her know if he decided to be with me. He then told me that he would be going away to rehab for a while and he did, the next time I saw him after he got out of rehab was April 1999 and he decided that he was going to have both me and this woman meet him at the same location so that he could tell me in front of her that it was over between us, all of this after I supported him emotionally during his stay in the rehab and visited him and then when he came home gave him money for a place to stay. One week later he called me and once again I fell for his lies and his smooth talk and we started to pick up where we left off, things were okay for a while he decided that he wanted to work things out with me, June 1999 he called this woman and told her to come over to his aunt's house where he was staying once again and she did and when she got there he sat her down and had a discussion with her about me and told her that he was in love with me and wanted to work things out, when he told her that she picked up a drinking glass and cut him in the face with it. She turned around and lied to the police and of course the charges had to be dropped. 1 year of peace and quiet and June 2000 after me thinking that he had been finished with this woman she kicked in his bedroom door at his aunt's house after his aunt let her in and took a knife and cut him in the face while him and I were having sex, well it turns out that he never stopped using her for money to get drugs and was still in contact with her, he ended up pressing charges on her it ended up in court almost going to trial and she would have been given 2 years jail time if it were not for the fact that he was once again lying to me and still calling her she would have gone to jail. The bottom line is this he has once again gotten himself involved with this woman, I have spent thousands of dollars over the past 2 1/2 years keeping a roof over his head and paying his rent, have had to pawn my jewelry at times to help him, he has never in the entire 3 years kept a job for even 2 months and unfortunately I had to learn the hard way, Don't be like me get out while you still can, don't walk run! I have never had a nightmare like this and unfortunately I still love this man after all of this stuff that he has put me through but I realize unless you are a drug addict there is no way to understand the mind games they can run on you, they are very good at games and making you believe that everything that goes wrong in their life is your fault, but I am finally taking back control of my life and waking up, I hope that this story has helped someone out there so that you don't have to learn the hard lesson that I have had to learn, but above all please understand that it is impossible for a person that is not addicted to drugs to remain in a relationship with a drug addict, it just does not work because the two of you are in completely different worlds.

I welcome any e-mail discussion on anything that I have said here if it will serve to help someone else that is going through the emotional nightmare that I have been through.

I met my husband 14 years ago and he was an addict after nine long years of his addiction he decided to get straight... I am thankfull for this. He attends meetings and is active in both aa and na. During his addiction years our relationship went sour. I can still remember not wanting to be near him. He would want to make love and I would just pray that it would be over. Sometimes i would wish that he just died. After several rehabs, and nothing working God stepped in and helped him. I thank god for this everyday. However, something happen to me. While he was busy at the meetings I was left alone. I met a young man at work who gave me more attention then ask for. I was inlove. I had an affair. To me this man was so pure. When I was with him I laugh and I felt free. With in a few months I discover he to was on drugs. However, I was so attached to him. Not knowing that he was abusing herion. He became to get violent with me and if i would give him money or let him use my car he would push me around. He didn't trust me at all. This person was verbally abusing me calling me a whore. But even still I could not let go. I ask my self why I would ever want to do this again.. My husband is straight now. But yet i want to be with this other man. Sexually this other man pleases me like nothing I could ever thought possible. I feel free with him to explore new things. However, with my husband I don't. I need help to stay away for this other man. I finnally quit my job cause thas where he would harress me the most. He still calls and deep in my heart i still want to hold him... Please help me.....

in reading the messages regarding the addictive drug abuser, etc. and the co-dependency i can sympathize or should i say relate. i have been dealing with a person like this and have paid thousands of dollars on lawyers and retrieving my daughter's belongings and my own...you know that inside this is wrong but yet these kind of people do know how to work you. you need to keep in mind that if you think that you are the only one they are working on to keep their habit supplied you are wrong and i say this because now i have had no choice but to leave my and give up my new home, life and friends that i love dearly...and my daughter too. i was married to this idiot and it took me 4 1/2 years to get a divorce. because of his addiction and me being the sole supporter (which you are or will end up being) i had to give him a new vehicle, he emptied out bank accounts that did not have his name on them and forged my name on checks, duplicatetd credit cards and all because we were married the judge in our case told me that it was 50-50. needless to say he never paid on the vehicle and i tried to retrieve it and i was almost charged with tresspassing on private property and he also tried a contempt of a court order. the only person to get the vehicle was the bank. i work to pay attorney's. i have been divorced for 2 1/2 years and continue to still pay attorneys on a monthly basis in order to protect my daughter and myself. this guy has a court order to pay child support and he fast talks his way out of it everytime and still doesn't pay. i am going to court on 10/06/00 for contempt of visitation because i picked up my daughter and left. he was going to be arrested and we have already been years as a domestic violence situation and aggravated stalking. his parents has money and that does talk. i have exhausted all of my assets to protect us and on attorney's i even had my own business and had to walk out of it in order to protect us. after running a background check on this crack head con i have come to find out that he is considered a habitual offender and there were 14 pages on this guy. the last thing that i was told when i left my home was that he had dirty urines while having visitation with my daughter. visitation that the courts allowed even after i told and had proof that he was a drug addict...the attorney i had at the time of my divorce had not ran a background check and when i finally did i was told that it would cost me another 5000.00 to redo our divorce...i obviously didn't have it...i already had to refinance my home to pay them off...i am now looking at felony charges because i have protected my daughter in her best interest and have been her sole supporter and he has never been able to support his self...his parent's pay to keep him out of trouble. he will be going to court on 10/13/00 for his violation of his probation with 20 conditions attached and he is out on a 25,000.00 bond and he and his parents are trying to gain custody of my daughter...did i mention that his father is an ex=politician? oh yeah, but have facts not hear say when you go to court. witnesses are great, but have things in writing... well another 1,000.00 and this is the last of my bank account for another attorney in hopes that i get off of these charges...remember for the others who wrote GET OUT NOW it doesn't change and once you cut out there monies it gets evil...don't get in a situation like i am in...it is not healthy for you or any children. believe me it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do was leave our home, life and friends in hopes that we could heal and go on with our lives in the best interest of my daughter...and now if they put me in jail for this. he gets her and i pray that this does not happen...i don't want to even think of how here life would be. since we have left she now gets to be the child and enjoy being that child and it makes me happy just to see her smile and play and not have torment and her being used as a pawn and being frustrated and confused. just remember that the abuser be it domestic violence or drug and alcohol do know how to play the game and you can believe that they have a record....do check their background...not by county but by the state. in conversation with them do try and find out where they are originally from and you do need their social security number or drivers license or id number to get the clear picture....i am a professional person and now i have lost it all and i will go down fighting and screaming for my daughter. it just isn't about me it is about the life that my little girl will have if i don't fight...never give up on them...thank you for listening to me and please do listen to what i am saying...it has cost me over 60,000.00 in 8 years and the hurt and pain and suffering of now looking back and thinking that every child needs their father and you do everything you can to protect them and these kind of people know the system where we don't and costs lots and lots of money and hardships and mental and physical abuse to everyone involved and that is hard to fix....if you truely love your children and yourself GET OUT...and do it now...i am looking for a pro bono attorney for the state of florida because i will be fighting for my daughter. i have all records that would be required in a court system for her rights at this time. DOB 08/03/58 born 12:03pm. prayers and help are greatly appreciated at this time.

i need help i know that i'm co-dependent and i can't stop myself. i am a bright , beautiful person with so much to offer and i'm addicted to a man that is no good for me and i'm sure does'nt care for me . he uses me so much. he sweet talks me to get what he wants( crack, cocaine, liquor, gambling money etc)i feel as if i love him but i don't know i've tried to get out of the situation several times but he keeps coming after me with the same old lines that i fall for everytime. he won't have sex with me either and makes me feel bad about myself and my body and has gotten abusive with me from time to time(has spit at me, shoved me, got in my face yelling etc) i fell so helpless and hopeless. i think i take all of this waiting for the good although short lived times we have (staying up all night listening to music, talking about everything together, laughing with him like no other person in my life, playing cards him teaching me things that i knew nothing of like plants and even kids and i'm a mom to a beautiful 4 year old boy who i don't want him to see all of this happen to me and i don't want to see it happen to myself anymore i'm so weak and sad i really need someones help and soon please

Mary, I take it you are both addicts. He is a crack addict and you are also an addict. Your problem is called co-dependency, meaning you are addicted to helping his addiction. You need to get help with this problem of yours.

Once you have helped yourself, a new light may shine on your situation making it a bit more visible as to what your options are. I wish you the best.

I have a partner that asks me for crack money continually. In all other ways he is a wonderful man, loving, good father and fun to be with. But he is spending 1-2 nights every other week partying with his buddies. I sometimes want to turn him in, so that he will get the help. Meanwhile, I can be sweetalked into giving him money and then hate myself. Please advice!!!

help

Mary

My "life partner" of the last 18 years just sent
himself to prison for the second time in our
relationship behind DWI's and marijuana use. He
is also a mysoginist, I'm an Adult Child of Alcoholic, co-dependent who is very ready to
be free of this sad sick relationship! Lots of
emotions flowing, believe my Angels are with
me, but sure could use human support! I'll help
if you will!
In Love and Light,
Linda