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Inter-Racial Marriages Unspoken Realities

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Join the most exciting new community on Family issues. You will like it. idealFamily.Com - Discuss family issues Life styles household, housekeeping and secrets to family life

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Hello ppl...well lets see..Im a somalian girl that lives in Canada age 19...i like asian guys but i have noticed that asian guys are very racist and only go for asian or white girls...so I've decided to give up and move on to another race...so bye azn boys...later!

hi
this is in response to ahmed ,the somali sijui guy.am kenyan somali girl currently in uk.am interested pliz contact me

am single kenyan somali living at the moment in Hargeisa Somaliland.I graduated from Egerton University,Njoro main campus Kenya.am 28 years old and never married.am looking for somali girl serious for marriage and her age is not a matter of concern as long as she is committed and true to her marrital affairs.i don't drink neither do i smoke and not disabled.am slightly built guy with fair complexion.i like understanding and being true my undertakings.am therefore looking for the same characters traits from any somali lady living in UK, US OR ANY OF THE EUROPEAN COUNTRY

I just found this forum..sorry it seems like it has alot of racism. but thats the feel world..i have an issue i want to discuss

I wanted to discuss something that I believe is important yet has been swept under the rug for far too long. I know many black females that have been born muslims or have coverted to Islam. This diverse group of women (being african, caribbean, african american..etc)..however seem to be battling with the same issues as far as black female sexuality and modesty...and marriage in Islam.

Many black females, whether they are muslim or not seem to struggle with the fact that there are always haunting stereotypes of black females as being portrayed as promiscuous or whore-like. It has gotten so bad to the point that many black females find it nearly impossible to find a mate...due to male's over-generalization of black females..or plain and simple racism..in which black women are not seen as an ideal mate.
Due to slavery and other "mechanisms" there has been a breakdown of the black family structure...all of this combined has deeply affected the esteem of black women

Many black women believe it or not come to Islam seeking an external purity..knowning that even from the outside they would not have to worry about being seen as a whore by there male counterparts. If you ever noticed black women who convert to Islam are usually the first to take on the full "hijab" with jilbab and niqab.
Trying desperately to seek this wholesome nature and purity that SOCIETY has tried to stripe away from them.
My sincere hope is that next time you see a black female, dont be so quick to judge, she may not be your ideal of perfection, but that doesnt mean she doesn have values, morality or virtue.

As far as marriage, I see my black muslimah's desperately struggling trying to find a place to belong. One must love herself before she loves others. Many times I see men of Asian or Arab decent marry black muslimahs with the idea stripping away her entire identity making her feel as if being black isnt good enough. As if he is doing her a favor of marrying her.
The strong black muslim sisters who do not have this type of toleration from this men find themselevs waiting a very long time to find a good deecnt black muslim male who will appreciate her black identity and not make it something she has to be ashamed of.
I want my black muslimahs (and all black women) to realize that some of us out there are listening, we hear ur cries..and we know you deserve to be loved..no matter how dark peopple say you are, or how ugly men want to believe you are, some us know how truly valuable you are

If any black muslimahs want to share their stories about marriage or issues facing them...please talk about it here..the world needs to know

Im a 25Yr old British Muslim Pakistani Girl, From London.I am a Moderate Muslim - No Drinking/Smoking/No Dating etc I Have gradauted From University & have a Stable Job Teaching.Iam a Honest person & Easy Going,But I seem to be Having Problems with My father.My Mother died a few Years ago So i am responsible for my Family & this makes me feel more Closer to my Father.He has remarried & has two Son's.He causes Misunderstandings & Its really Hurting me.He makes me the cause for all his problems.I am blamed for everything that goes on with his Marraige.Iam being Mistreated at home,But still i respect and Love my Father.

My Father without Asking My permission Has Arranged me to marry a Far distant cosin.
I Know this person,we have talked Many times,I find nothing in common with this Man.Iam Fine with a Arrange Marraige,I am ready for this But not with Him.
I Have spoken to my Father & My brothers about this.I feel this isnt a Arranged Marriage were i have a Choice but Forced. 'STILL' My Father without My consnt has arranged the Wedding to be Held after a Few Months.

I am confused,I have Not done anything to hurt or Ashame my Family in any way, Yet I cant Understand WHY he would Punish me Like this?


I will be very Unhappy marrying this Man & I Really dont see this Marraige working.I dont want To leave My family or Disobey My Father.I dont know What to do to make him Understand.

PLEASE PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME I THINK I KNOW WHATS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BUT I DONT WANT TO DISTROY MY LIFE EITHER....

Confused

Respecting a parent is a good point.
Your supporting your family is very good.

But marriage is your business and nobody else must interfere or force a spouse upon you. Despite all old traditions it is simply an inhuman act to force anyone to marry.

You have various choices where you can act on your own as an adult. Do not be cowed down by anyone.

Tell your father in no confusing terms that by forcing such a relation your life will end up in great unhappiness and potentially into a divorce causing you more damage than if you just stay single.

You must make it clear to your father that to destroy your life and make it miserable will cause more misery and disharmony.

You can seek help of some family friends of trust. If not simply move out and live on your own. If you fall into a ditch by knowing fully well its consequences only you will be responsible. If you remain firm and stick to your decision, your father will change his decision. Your spouse choosing for your life is your decision and not his.

editor

Mitch where do you live? There is a VERY large Somali pop. in my city. However, I must warn you. I have a few Somali friends and they aren't fond of white men. Be careful of stereotypes. My friends are in their 30's and unmarried. My friend's cousin married a white man and the family was NOT happy. A hint some women don't like it when men zero in on them because of their background. Alot of white men are interested in African women because of stereotypes. Not cool. Good luck and much love.

Anonymous on Friday, May 28, 2004

I respect your opinion. I am a Black woman and various members of my family don't agree with intermarriage, however, they don't use GOD as an excuse. That is Blasphemy. Don't place man's thoughts and will on the WORD. If you are talking about the BIBLE. Read the celebrated "Song of Solomon." You need to educate yourself on the nature of race, biology and perhaps the good book. And your local library is a GREAT place to start.
Daniel 10:6
Amen Brother.

I am a 23 year old white man who is seeking a Somali woman. I
am very worried that all Somali women are married before they
are 18. Are they? Are most, say 99 percent of Somali women
married before they are 18? Someone please tell me how I can
meet a Somali woman aged 18-24 who is single. There is a
website called somalinet.com, and the chat rooms there are
VERY intolerant of white people. Please help, I am desperate for
a relationship with a woman from East Africa. Feel free to
contact me, I have left my email address.

hi, this letter is to gurdip coar sadi is about palwinder, his living with me and he say love me to much ,but he has to marry with you ,cause he wants tha inmigration papers to canada, to bring his parents he dont have money and his family is presing him.he stay with me and i dont want losse him because i love him truly and my sons too .we are living in california

i consider those who inter-marry with people outside their own race to be arrogant toward god and his plans. god created the different races, languages,cultures,etc. man has decided that he knows more than god and spits in god's face and shows his arrogance by telling god,we know more than you,god! we're going to go against what you have done and we don't care

sean, she may have lived simple life and habit of living like that,that will reduce her hosue work too, if she is housewife. there is nothing wrong in living simple life. there r 3 things in life
neccesity/luxury/comfort. she want to live with what she like. most of the Asian homes leave their shoes on door step,because of many reason, may be thier shoes r dirty or it is not good thing to wear same shoe inside home too. so she want to keep/stop her trouble/dirt on door step only. once she come to US she will change, do not try to force her anything she will change if she love u, and love can make to change.

I am an American man who has been dating a lovely Chinese woman I met one year ago. It's been a long distance relationship from the start. We have visited each other 4 times in the year we have known each other.
Lately, we have casually discussed marriage, and there's several things which concern me. Number one, she lives like a pauper..rents one very small room apt., has one plate, one spoon, minimal furniture. Its not due to her having no money, she just prefers living a "simple" life, she says. She also said if we get married she wants our guests to take off their shoes at the door. She is a germ fanatic! Is this the "normal" Chinese behavior, or is she just an odd person? Can I expect her to become more "Westernized" if she moves into an American home and way-of-living? She's from a small, country town in China, and I wonder if she thinks this way because she hasn't been exposed to a cosmopolian lifestyle, or if this is "just her" and she will bring her old world ways to America?

if you truly love him and he loves you I hope it will work out because I'm in a similar position and I hope true love will overcome all

hi, i am i indian girl going out with a black boy and we've been together for about half a year the thing is though my mum is extremely strict and she doesnt want me to have any involvement with boys fulllstop let alone someone outside my race. so i chose to keep it from her, so its hard for us to see each other in public as we might get seen together by someone. this puts a real strain on our relationship and i am finding it really dificult to cope, because im falling in love with him and i know that one day we will have to face everyone or break up. i know my mum will be heartbroken and she would probably kick me out, but i cant see myself with anyone else, he makes me smile, he understands me, i can be myslf round him and i dont know what i would do with out him. i wish we could be together without having to sneak about, and i am really scared of getting caught because i know i would get in so much trouble. the relationship also scares me because the happier i get the more it will hurt when i'll be forced to end it with him.its like they wanna take away the one thing that makes me happy. please help me as i ahve no idea what to do

When you take a decision and that decision can bring misery to even one person specially your parents, that decision even though very noble becomes, a misery.

You need to learn to discipline your self and think of your future. Love affairs are temporary and they do not mean a long term marital relation.

editor