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Broken Heart: Nobody Loves me?

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Join the most exciting new community on Family issues. You will like it. idealFamily.Com - Discuss family issues Life styles household, housekeeping and secrets to family life

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I want to make a boyfriend .but Idont know how I make a boyfriend how I offer him.

When children are involved, how does a victim of cheating survive (without ruining the lives of the children)?
After a phone call (the night of my oldest son's 7th bday) from a woman saying on my answering machine that she had been "$%^*(-ing my man for the past 5 years" I have been severely (but never diagnosed) depressed. I have tried to 'get over' the whole affair. My husband (we have been together for over 13 years!), at the time, told me he was tired of living 'that life' (he didn't say that I was the only woman for him, but that he was sick of lying and sneaking around...), he is not very good at communicating or being sensitive, although he says he loves me very much and that he wants our family to be together. I suffer from mistrust, I have lost any self confidence I ever had, I feel lost and alone.
I never told my family. I told a couple co-workers (very small closeknit company) before I left out of depression. I told one friend but no one else. I watch tv shows with people cheating all the time and I *still* can not understand how these people can do these things without thinking there is so much pain coming out of it.

It has been over 2 years and I am still in pain, I am still heartbroken. I never had the confidence to kick him out. I was afraid for my children (not having a decent home and not having their father there for them every day). I feel like it is more important for my children to have a 'family' then for me to be completely and utterly happy. Not that I believe in such happiness anymore, but I am still fighting to forgive and let go of this pain.
I'm sure I/we could use counseling but not sure how to get it or afford it. He is the money maker,although I worked for alittle while, it was low pay and I am not sure I can do it on my own (single parenting). My oldest son is disabled and sometimes I am so frustrated and trapped I think I could never raise him alone. My youngest son thinks our family is perfect and he is my ray of hope, I could never crush his heart by letting him find out how much his daddy hurt me (my youngest is 8)..but I keep thinking how more than half his little life his father was out *$%(^-ing* some other woman, and not home with his family.
IT hurts so bad to be a victim of cheating. I have never BETRAYED him in all of our 13 years! I was not blind either...I suspected, I questioned him (he lied)...I knew something was not right...and yet I didn't know how to rememdy the situation.
He says he likes how I look (that it wasn't that) he says he loves me but I don't feel like he every truly apologized (though he has)..from his heart. Maybe I just don't feel like I am 'the one for him' in his heart. I have done everything for him and I just feel crushed.
I got pregnant before college and because my son was disabled didn't have the time, energy or money to go on to college. So here I am with no college education, little money to pay for it now and this feeling that if I even attempted to tell him to go (to see if he would come back) ...that I wouldn't be able to give my kids a good life. Without him we would be living in the poor house and my kids, though we are not rich, deserve better if they are able to have it (by me just trying to get over this).
I need help but don't know how to get it. I need to TELL SOMEONE but am afraid to let my family know what he did to me. I don't want them to hate him because he is my boys' father. I don't want them to hate him because some day I may be able to forgive him.
I just want him to KNOW how much it HURTS (still). I want him to know how much.

I want to trust again, but I look at men now and think 'ugh..he probably cheats on his wife/gf, etc'...

I try to do the things that are right and maybe I'm just too much of a 'good girl' now ...maybe that is what drove him to do that? He is a good 'person' but he has not always been a goody-goody. He has always been a bit of a 'bad boy'.

I thought ofcourse, that our family had brought us to a different level. And even though I had suspected cheating in the past (late nigths with his buddies, etc?!)..I finally had believed that he was on the right path, in love with me and being honest..and THAT was when I was hit with this horrible nightmare I've been living in for the past 2+ years... I am trying to be a good mother and set a good example for my children and I think he should do the same. I don't know if he's changed, though he swears he has. I know people tell you that once a cheater always a cheater, and I don't know what to think anymore. I only believe what I see from now on. I do not trust him or anyone really.

What should I do, will he ever change, can I ever trust again? I want what is best for my family but I DO want to be loved for who I am ..somehow I would love for this to be all at the same time!!.

..I'm sorry about ranting...This is so jumbled all in one post I apologize but I was just pouring it out, whatever came out. if anyone is or was in a similar situation i would love to hear from you ...so i can feel like i am not alone anymore! maybe your relationship worked out and you can tell me how to try and fix mine? Help, anyone ...and PLEASE, PLEASE...if you are the "other woman" of a cheater....don't email me or respond. I have been a good woman and done EVERYTHING for this man. As a mom it is sometimes hard to be both the 'bad girl' and 'good mom' when babies are crying and needing to be fed...when we feel desperate and trapped in our homes with children 24/7...though we try to 'listen'to our spouse, we also expect him to 'listen'..and sometimes we are just so frustrated with his not being 'ready' to cope with the whole family thing. So I do NOT believe that it is OK to sleep with a married man, I do NOT believe that it is MY fault he slept with the little whore..I do NOT think you could help me if you are the other woman...so PLEASE do not respond unless you have been in MY shoes and walked MY walk, OK!!

im 20 yrs old still a college student and i have my bf for 3 yrs but the last few months were always fighting,arguing nonsense. and now my problem is i found out that im pregnant 4 months now. i told him about this and i ask him if he still love me but he says not like before and also says he cant marry me he cant stand by me and i will face all this problem alone my parents still dont know my situation. pls help me what should i do?

got married last year, love marriage, guy did anything for me but now he has dropped me to my parents house, pregnant and have 7 weeks left for delivery its like we are nothing for him. he is listening to his mum, i cried for him lot but he so stubborn, guy who loved and did anything for me has made me stone hearted. what should i do? im only 22, due in 7 weeks married last year and this year like this. will i suffer like this for whole future? will someone else except me and my kid? will i have to cut a who single life and my kid too? i cant understand why he did this. his mum is so bad she has brainwashed him. now once baby born he comes i dnt want to know as my heart is broken and love has finished the way he reacted in my pregnancy, not giving a penny to me. he was my first love but he is my last hatrage now. can someone advice me if they were in my position coping this what they would do?
my baby is everything for me now. my parents have been great. can someone also advice me about how divorce works.
i cant believe he messed me up. im not boasting but i am respectful girl and nice and my parents spent lot on my wedding and he did this.
didnt he think of the kid who is in my stomach or was his crap mother important?
someone please advice me or i will go into depression.
my first love did this to me and his mother took away my hubby and my kids dad.

hello ,
i broke with my boy friend,
i was really upset wht to do?
i only can say tht he flirted with me or was any reason behind tht all?
after loosing him another friend pruposed me,
do he loves me or will the 1st one will come back to me?
as i didnt ever dot any feeling for any one else
because i dont know wht is love ?
bt when i feel alone i want him ,i don't know wht to do with uot him (for 1st one)
i never thought any thing for the 2nd one he is just my friend bt wht is tht all,
plz help me wht shld i do?

Hi,
She is my first love, but i am the 4th person in her life....she keeps on making me jealous by saying that she shares something special for the first guy in her life and till date would even go out of her way in case he told her something.... when we get physical she has told me that we share something amazing, but also says that her first love at 16 yrs of age was diferent and always would be an part of her life.I am very badly hurt and extremely jealous as i feel no matter what i am going to do will never mean as much as her FIRST love pl advice what i should do or how i should react as someday this might just lead to a major fight between the two of us.

First you dont need to feel jealous and just smile or laugh away at her foolishness. Tell her in no uncertain terms but clear and concise language that if she is in love with anybody else she can go and leave you immediately and you will not see her again. If she is realistic she should forget all past and you need not be jealous nor worry as it is all past.

If she is fluctuating and wavering better let her go and look for someone normal as she may be playing with your vulnerability and feelings.

There are some people who can never love one person for their own inadequacy.

You seem like a good and healthy person and your giving in to her whims or fantasies will ruin your health. Do not think of her past nor yours, go into future and think of what you have now. Tell her frankly that if she cant settle her past you are not going to continue.
If she really loves you she will immediatley stop her nonsense. If not she is not worthy of your love.

Editor

I have fallen in love with someone online. I have seen his pictures and talked to him and everything sounds so great. I am married and he knows that. My husband on the other hand is okay with me. His behaviour fluctuates. For the past few weeks hes been okay. But our communication is not there. It was great when I got married to him. Now I feel I am just living this relationship as I was commited to it and honestly I want it to work. I am ready to compromise a few things to set a good example for people/society/coming generations.

But recently I discovered theres someone else out there who touched me and knows me more then my husband. Now I am confused - whether I should continue with my husband if hes showing signs of improvement or should I look for someone else.

On the other hand - noones feelings stays the same forever I think. So will I be making a mistake if I look somewhere else for someone else who can love me and listen to me more then my husband.

I need to have sence of security and calmness at heart when I am around my husband but thats not the case.

This guy on the internet I met is fine - and his feelings fluctuate too sometimes but he understood me preety well. So this makes me feel people change with time so I should not worry too much about looking around since someone else I find is also going to change or might change. I should learn to be happy within my setup.

Can someone please let me know what I should do. PLEASE. It will be a great help.


From a distance all people look wonderful and even the desert appears to be a lake of water.

The only experience is when we really live with others.

Your being married and contacting others for relationship purpose is unethical and will hurt you and your spouse. He may not SAY so now but you will hurt him very very badly.

On the other hand you have failed to communicate with your husband and thats the reason you dont feel that security.

The security is merely a belief and not reality.
It is the mutual trust that makes a relation successful.

Look within you before you make errors.

Editor

I was recently in love with a man, that was in love with me. He was going through a divorce, as well as I was. We had plans together, we had dreams together, we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Then, he told me, after we had an argument, that he was going to extend his divorce another 2 weeks to allow his soon to be EX time to get her mind together and get on with her life. This decision hurt me. So I told him I had made a date. He said, it's okay, he couldn't be selfish. But the next day he told me he could never trust me again for making a date. I broke down and told him I didn't really have a date, but it hurt me so bad in his decision to extend his divorce proceedings, that I just said that to get a reaction. But, we are broken up now...because he still says he can never trust me. Isn't this a bit of a double standard? What could really be his reasonings for breaking up with me? I've talked to him since, and he is definitely going through with the divorce..but still maintains that me and him could never be together, because of his lack of trust for me. I'm not sure what to do anymore. He won't even allow us to be friends....and talk together like we use to. Any suggestions? Can somebody out there please tell me what's going on in his head? I still love him, and something keeps telling me he loves me too. But the last time we talked, he was still adamant that we were through.
Signed...Saddened and very confused


Yes you did a mistake.
Your mistake is repeated very commonly.
You must not involve with a person who is undergoing emotional roller coaster rides.

He is saying all that not because your are not trustworthy because he is hurt for his ex wife's loss and his failure in the marriage.

This is normal. Do not be sad. It is not your fault but yes a small mistake of involving with a person who is not sure of anything. You can work on it by remaining silent while he does all his formal work.

After a lapse of time, contact with a fresh approach and if he is emotionally available then, it will work.

Editor

AJAY,

PAL UR SAYING U WIFE DOESN'T KNOW ENGLISH, I GOTTA SAY, EVEN U DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE ENGLISH, UR NOT EVEN MAKING SENSE AND YOUR SPELLINGS ARE SO BAD.

LOOK LEARN TO LIVE WITH WHAT U HAVE, U PEOPLE FROM INDIA CAN NEVER BE SATISFIED HONESTLY, LOOK NOT EVERYONE FINDS A PARTNER OF THEIR CHOICE, AND EVEN IN ARRANGED MARRIAGE U CAN FIND LOVE SO U HAVE TO GIVE IT A CHANCE INSTEAD OF REJECTING SOMEONE AS THEY CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH, COME ON THATS A LOUSY EXCUSE, SHE COULD PROVE TO BE SUCH A LOVING AND CARING WIFE TO U AND ALL U CAN THINK OF IS YRSELF, STOP BEING SELFISH AJAY.

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