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hello, I'm in love with a man who is trying to divorce. meanwhile I didn't know that he is still married when we met and even until we fell in love each other. both of us started dating to try and see if this is the one. we weren't planning to fall in love at first it was just dating. but I have learnt that he is married and I decided to break down. but he didn't admit it. he said he will soon be divorced and he wanted to get marry with me after that. I believed in him. he moved to a new house which we had rented together but I stayed with my parents. regularly I went to 'our' home and do some houseworks like cooking the meal and washing up. anyway after some sweet one and a half months I have realised that he hasn't been staying there some months. he told me that he had stayed in her relatives, they have been living far from this new house. because of that dissappointing situation two times I went off alone. but he came and took me home again. the last one was on 31st december night. Guess how bad it was. the next day he called me and told me that we will not see each other until he gets divorced and come and talk to my parents about our marriage. we are emptying 'our' house it is very hard for both of us. I seem accepted the situation. because I believe it was wrong to live that illegal life. now I am about to go on a trip with him, a short trip. we will refresh our love and hopefully communication. am I wrong to accept all these? but we still love each other and I don't know any other way.

What do you do when your wife just all of a suddent you come home and left. She's sorry for what she had done. She had tried to convince me to go to counseling with her for the past two years. Now I'm recieving therapy and she isn't were she is located. She is now very angry and bitter that I'm in counseling. She wants no contact with me only threw e-mail. When we are e-mailing back and forth. She sound very confused. Maybe imbarressed to to forgive me and come home. What do I do when she is just leaving me out to hang? Not noing what to do.

i am very confused about the state of my marriage. i have been married almost 5 years, have no children, and feel out of love. i know i care for him, but more as a friend than wife/lover. things have been rocky from the beginning.

he is in a career that requires him to work many hours, and he is often too tired to do anything but come home, eat and fall asleep in front of the tv. sex was something we did rarely, even during our "honeymoon" phase. i often felt alone and neglected. then i started wondering what it would be like to be with somone else. last year, i met someone at work and started to have strong feelings for him, but i never pursued anything.

now, my husband wants to move near his family and i am not sure i can handle it. my family is far from where he wants to move, and i am not sure i want to make this move that i know will be a hard adjustment for me. when i tell him i am not happy (which is more often than not), he says that everything will work out fine and that i am just depressed. when i tell him i need certain things from the marriage, he says he understands and tries for a few weeks, and then things go back to what they were. i know he is a good person, would never hurt in physically or abuse me, but he is lacking in many things that i desire. and, he and i want different things in life.

i am 30 years old, and i am afraid of divorcing him and finding myself alone without a husband and children, but the thought of staying does not entice me, either. what do i do??

She is 19 ALready,and matured,she knows what is good for her.she made a choice to live with him and have his baby,if she think he is doing bad let her comeout herslef.police or law will not do anything unless she speakup for herself.

Hi, need help!!!
My sister only 19 married a guy who is like 20 years older than her.This guy is a womanizer and doesnt care for my sister any more. My sister is 9 month pregnant and is beaten everyday.She has now been locked up in her own house.My parents called the cops but invain since my sister didn't say a word(she was treatened by her husband that he wud do something to the baby and she didnt speak up).What can we do to protect her? We haven't seen her anywhere around since yesterday and she is due anytime(she lives in the same building as my parents)Please!!!!


You need to talk to the man and your sister.

If he stops you violently ask him why cant you meet? If you go with the right attitude and are nice to him he will be nice to you.

Then talk to your sister without any manipulation.

MORE manipulation or insecurity you will show and demonstrate worse relation you will have with her and him. BE good natural and accept the will of your sister.

Once you have established a positive relation ask her questions and try to make her aware. When you do that she may understand you.
If you do it by force and try to manipulate things will worsen. Hence be positive and accept the reality as it is and try establishing a contact.

ed

My husband and I have been married for 15 months and we have known each other for 10 years. We dated as teen agers. I feel in love with him instantly --NO REALLY LOVE AT 1ST SIGHT we spent everyday together for almost six months and I never uttered those 3 words --finally there was no way I could lie to myself any longer I loved this man more than anything in the world --no the mention we were each others 1st everything--anyway we lived in bliss for nearly 2 years and he began disrespecting me and choosing others over me so webroke up because he began running with a bad crowd and began experimenting with drugs--needless to say after months of begging and pleading I finally gave up--he ended up getting into trouble and going to jail because of his choices and the friends he chose to spend time with (DRUGS ETC. This broke my heart and I would sneak to the jail to see him --by this time I was dating someone else but my heart would always be his. He spent his time and came searching for me I was confused and didn't know what to do so he got married had a child and got divorced and I had a child of my own. Day after day I regretted that year when I was 18 and have never fully recoved. Years passed and each of us equally mourned for the other but could never get priorities straight to make things work--we lived in different areas and neither of us would give an inch. He left his wife a few times saying he was so unhappy and wanted me and I didn't feel this was right but yet I wanted him so bad and as backward as it sounds I always felt like she was the other woman. We would run into and search for each other and have a fling for a few months and then go on about our way. Each time we both felt horrible each time we left one another knowing we wkould be going home alone instead of with one another. Finally he ckoulsn't stand it anymore and decided he was really going to leave his wife --this was out of the blue and we hadn't seen each other in nearly a year and for once everything was perfect and I was willing to give it another try--AND THEN THEY GET PREGNANT--and it was over again --I respect the fact he wanted tko do the right thing but I resented the fact it was with someone else. So once again we went our own ways--and I can't tell you how he felt but I was miserable. I left my town to get away and clear my thoughts when I decided I wanted a baby-so I had my baby and began to raise him all on my own. And when my son was 9mo ols I began missing him once again and fate brought us together yet again I began work at his place of employment and I never knew he worked there. My first day I say this person walking to their vechicle in the rain and I kept squinting and just started yelling his name and began running thru the rain and gave him a hug. That split momen t I was so happy. The next day when he saw me he expressed how unhappy he had been for so many years and he admitted to me he wanted to leave his wife that by staying had not been the right thing to do because they had fought constantly for 6 years. I told him I was his friend and I was on his side no matter what. He would cry on my shoulder--not knkowing what he should do. Thinking I was only complicating his issue I told him if by me being around was making things harder I would leave and never look back that I was not there to complicate his life --I only wanted him to be happy no matter what. And I meant it but of course I would have rather it be with me. We respected the fact they were married and had a child-no sex-. Then he decided he should get a divorce and they did. We began datin g and before that he found out about my son who was bi-racial --of course I had asked him if that was an issue and if it was I would walk away and not bother him--he said no --it was not an issue and from that point I felt complete. We finally moved in together--my son began calling him daddy--treated me like a princess some probs not real bad --then he started drinking and partying and we would fight and argue --then he started disrespecting me --and each time he would say you will never make me feel like you did when you left me so many years ago. He would just leave --smaill arguments and he would go home to his parents --we broke up a few times. Then we got married 15months ago and it has been horrible--he has cheated, lied and became a drug accict within this timeframe . He has beat me, embarrassed me, and ruined me. My spunk is gone, my finances ruined, my son's savings gone--he left on mother's dat 5 days before we were to purchase our new house , left me with every bill because everything was in my name since my credit was better and we lived together before we got married. We sperated for 2months I nearly wen t crazy and then we got back together ---he was still using drugs but making an effort and I could deal with that --that was my job as his wife to stand by him as long as he was making and effort--but unfortunately that effort lasted only 2weeks then he stared everything full pledge again I stuck it out for 3 months and now we are up to date-- he has made every effort to make me loose friends make me look bad in every aspect possible---AND I STILL LOVE HIM--not willing to be with him like that because I know my son and I deserve better. But that doesn't change the fact I feel like I'm mouring the loss of him all over again just like 10years ago--I've never loved anyone else other than him not even my son's father and I don't think anything has com pared tko me until the drugs --and I've come to the conclusion I can compete with a women but how do you compete with drugs you can t. Who knows maybe 10 years from now we will be trying again who knows. But all of you who has ever truly loved someone try your best not to take that person for granted cause they will not always be there. It takes some longer than others to realise. My husband is still the air I breathe, And saddest of all my husband was my dream --my dream that has yet to completely come true. Advice is always welcome but even more than that I hope this helps someone else. You can only help someone if they want to be helped and it hurts like hell but you will always be ok.

MY HUSBAND IS A CREATING AND A LAIR
WE HAVE BEEN TOGRATHER FOR OVER 11 YEARS MARRIED FOR 6 YEARS.HE HAS ADMITTED TO ONE AFFAIR ONLY BECAUSE I BUSTED HIM.THE OTHER NIGHT HE SLID OUT OF THE HOUSE THINKING I WAS ASLEEP.BUSTED AGAIN OF COARSE HE LIED. PROFESSIONAL WORKING WOMEN DO I GO OR STAY.

hi,I AM UPSET AND LOST AS WHAT I SHOULD DO,I HAVE 5 CHILDREN HE HAS ONE TO HIS MARRIAGE WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS,HE IS DIVORCED TO HIS WIFE AND THEY HAVE A 8 YEAR OLD BOY.I KNOW DEEP DOWN HE DOESNT LIKE ME,I HAVE TRIED BUT EVERY SECOND WEEKEND HE TURNS MY HOUSEHOLD UPSIDE DOWN.I KNOW HE WANTS TIME WITH HIS DAD BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN I FEEL EVERYTHING IS DROPPED SO THAT ALL MY PARTNERS ATTENTION IS ON HIM WHAT ABOUT MY OTHER CHILDREN ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE IS NO TIME FOR US I FEEL LIKE LEAVING

I have been seeing a man for four years. He is divorce and has a son, I meet him while he was seperating. This past hoilday he spent Thanksgiving at his sister's house with his ex and son and Christmas with his ex and HIS family at his ex's house. No I wasn't invited. Any opinions on this? He says he has no feelings for her in 'that" way.

When people have kid/s at times specially in times of festivities it is important for the children to have both parents.

If he stays with someone whom he doesnt love you need not worry.

Any person at a given time cannot love more than one person unless one is truly lost and confused.

You should not worry about his spending little time with his ex. In fact this way you will know if he still has any real love remaining in his heart for his ex. Usually most people keep loving their EXs but not necessarily in the same manner as before.

Editor

Well here is a first I have been married for only 5 mths 2002. So I guess you would call me a newly wed? My husband is Muslin, and I am Aussie born. We have just got word that my Husband got hes residence, It has been a long road for both of us, as I am battling cancer(breast) But the problem is my husband keeps telling me that he is now leaving me? why is this?? what did I do??? And should I considera a Divorse? I am so confussed, My husband dosent even touch me. He said he didnt want children, but now he dose and he knows that I cant have any? is this because of hes religion? and hes mother dose not except me? what can I do signed AB please help me make the right choice.

Should I get divorced? When do you know your ready. I don't have any passion in my marriage, and now when my husband talks or touches me I wish he would stop. I sometimes think he's ugly, however I know he is attractive. I have done some things I regret. I sometimes think I should divorce but I like the things we have, and I don't want to start all over aquiring all the material things{new house,new boat,land,new vechiles, and money in the bank} But, I don't have passion,respect,honor or desire for this man.

no offence. but, that is not the greatest advice.
thanks anyway.

You are right. Nobody else can undertand your position as you can. Others will only respond you with their experience.
You are the only and best judge hence please take a wise decision but just letting the statusque is neither healthy.

Ed.

i'm 34 yrs old.I've been with my husband since I was 15 and he 18. we have a beautiful 7 year old son who we both adore. we got married when i found out i was pregnet. my problem is my husband has a habit of going out after work and not telling us about it, also does not ansewr his cell phone, he comes home usually after 2a.m., and somtimes not at all. he never calls just shows up in the morning. he says he's at the bar with people from work. i have never told him he could not go out, i do give him an earful when he comes home about why he can't answer his phone or call to let us know his whereabouts. i don't stay mad for long because i hate the way i feel and it affects my son as well, so i let go things go back to normal and he does it again. the cycle is killing me, up and down. i finally told him i was moving into the guest room if i don't have physical relations with him it won't hurt as bad.
but, i feel like he's walking all over me. i'm a stay at home mom with no real job experience, so leaving would be difficult. he informed me tonight that i need to learn to live with and if i can't our marriage will be over. all i ask is for some kind of communication. my husband has a high pressure job and works alot of hours. things are pretty good most of the time. i'm scared i don't know what to do? please help.

rt

Slowly please try to learn some skills and polish them. All relations end sooner or later. Please do not get mad as that may hurt your own health. Try a temporary separation while you learn some skills. May be the separation will help him see that you exist.

If he is insincere with you, he is hurting himself. But you keep strong and do your best.

Ed.

I am completely inlove with a man who is 11 years older than me. But that isn't the only problem. I am a Syrian Muslim (born and raised in the US)and he is an Irish American also first generation born. I am 22 years old and the idea of marriage doesn't turn me off as I know thats what he wants. I come from a wealthier background than he does and I'm worried that might be a problem to come. I don't know what to do because I love being with him. I feel so comfortable around him and we have tons of chemistry. I know he will be a great husband and father one day so I'm afraid to lose him. My family is very turned-off at the idea of me marrying someone who I share so many differences with, especially religion. I am not especially religious, but believe in my faith. He is the same. What should I do in this situation? We are actually on a break right now to figure out what we want - we have decided to date other people until we are completely sure if we want to stay together or break up. We have been together for about 10 months. Do you think this will help or create a bigger rift between us? Also the age difference bothers me, should it? He just turned 33 but is in good shape (plays sports regularly) and looks quite younger. Any advice is welcome.

Im married now, and we been together 15 years we have 3 beautiful children, not to long ago, things seemed to be going quite good as it always did, until one day he turned to me and said im not sure anymore about our mariage and part of me still loves you but the other part of me is not sure, since this I now been having these clashing feelings, of love him or leave him, can someone tell me what the heck is going on with my feelings.......im very confused, and i feel very betrayed emotionaly.........


Dear Lovinme

Can you write more details of your feelings and thoughts.

What is it that will make you happy and what is it that is making you feel the way you feel now?
What changes do you think you need to bring about to make you happier?
ed.

I am currently in a failing marriage. Our relationship happened fast and we got pregnant early. We have been through many troubling times in our four years together such as both of our parents divorcing. Taking in my wifes mother and two sisters. I am a bad comunicator and it has weighed on my wife to the point that I make her miserable. We are going to be seperating in the hopes of starting over. Do we really even have a chance?


Hello dear

Use the time of mutually agreed separation as a time to rethink and review your ownself.

If you feel each other something you will communicate and do reach to an agreement.
While you both communicate do it with sincerity and let the frustrations and guilt get out and then go for further talk.
Good luck.
Editor

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