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• Archive through July 26, 2001 [21] 7/26 07:52pm

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PLEASE HELP!!
My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years. We both have our degrees, he's 27, I am 25. Basically, the whole time we have been together I've planned on law school. Now, I am about to start. I ended up deciding to stay in the city we are and attend law schoolat the U where I did my undergrad. I got scholarships at some much more prestigious schools but even w/ that $, I decided I did not want to go that deep into debt right about the time I would want to have kids, etc. Now, all of a sudden he is not sure. We are moving to a new house and he has decided that this is final. As in, if we move in together again we are getting married and everything is settled. He wants some time to think so I suggested that I stay with a friend for the summer, her roomie is on an internship in NYC so he has some time/space. It's killing me. I am so scared that somehow he'll decide I am not the one. After I took his wants, needs and feelings into consideration when I decided where to go. If I was single, the cost of law school wouldn't have been the issue it was. He has some stuff to work through and I think he is partly terrified of this change. We graduated at about the same time and he has been in kind of a holding pattern, still bartending b/c "we are about to move for law school"...just help...how should I deal with it and him and how can I best be there and what can I do to a) emphasize that relationships have hot and cold phases and b) make him remember why he loves me and has been with me...

I NEED HELP!!

I don't even know where to start... i guess from the start would be good... I was dating this guy for a long time he was my everything we did the long distance thing and then he moved to AZ where im at.. then he went back home and wanted nothing to do with me.. yeah it hurt but 4 months down the road i met Nathan... Nathan looked at me i looked at him and we where hooked.. he was in the selling cars making good money.. we where happy within a month i was moving in with him and his room mate, and within a month and 2 weeks, we found out we where having a baby... at first everything was ok.. i moved up in my job, and he was bring home good money... Then the 2nd month came around and he wasn't bring money home... i was working with my preg. belly , and i was getting sick a lot, but i loved every min of it because we were going to be a family. The next thing Nathan did was put a ring on my finger, and i remember being happy, but the way he did it; it just didn't seem right that month (my 3rd month of being preg) all my money went to paying all of our bills, and i still didn't see anything coming from him. Then i would ask ?'s and get nothing out of him well then it started the fighting.. me crying, and wanting to move back with my parents an hour away. So thats what i did, but nathan came back with me, and moved in to my parents house with me.. Everything was going ok until i found out nathan lost his job a long time ago, and he would lied to me.. SO i forgave him.. he got a job, and my parents started hating him more, and more... well then the baby came and for the first day nathan was nice to me, and then the nest day he moved in with his cuz... and i bought, and did everything for my baby... yes me and nathan were still together, but he couldn't live with my family anymore.. so i was working a full time job, and a new baby... buying everything.. watching myself go down a hole. All my money, all my everything goes to my son, and i love it, but it hurts his dad does nothing for him or me!! well then nathan gets a job , and has it for 3 months, so my parents wanted me out of the house so they can feel like grandparents, and nathan wanted to get a place on his own too. Me and nathan move out together into a apartment where our rent is $770.00 for a 2 bedroom, and i love it here... nathan for the first time had to learn to be a father.. i work 5-2 shift , and he works the 3-11 shift so everthing works out great we both paid rent in nov. and dec. then jan. comes around and nathan has no money the babys sick im sick, and i find out nathan lost his job where i have had mine for 3 years... i pay it with my money, and i have no money now.... Nathan is a very mean person he will tell anone that he is an a**hole. He doesn't care about anyone else but himself.. im trying to leave him,but i don't know how .. when he is living for free,and he says he will take the baby away... im stuck where my parents don't want to help me out anymore, and i had to pawn my stuff to make rent last month.. hes not a good father.. theres times when i come home from work my sons crying and his diaper is falling off of him bacause its so wet, and nathan is laying on the bed sleeping because we watches tv until 3 a.m. I don't know where to begaine to start.. nathans mother smokes while holding my son, and it makes me mad, but when i open my mouth im the B*tch... how do i get custody? where do i start? its hard being a single parent but i know i have already been doing it, and im better off i just don't know where to start, and im scard.

im not married, but i am almost 18 years old, i will be next month, and i have been with a 22 year old black man for almost 4 months now. i am a freshman in college, and have classes all day 5 days a week. i am doing an internship after school on tuesdays and thursdays until 730 and i work part time at arbys in the mall. my parents liked my guy at first, now they think he is controlling me and making me not want to be home. because when i do have time outside of school, work, and interning, i mostly spend it with him. my family feels like i dont care about them and they cant understand why i am never home. everytime i am home everyone involved in the critisism picks on me like oh well where is he he must be somewhere else if you're at home. or they pretend like im not there at all. i dont know what i am supposed to do. i told the family i would stop seeing him 1 day out of the week and that day will be their day but they did not like that they told me i dont give a crap about them and i should spend the whole weekend at home, i dont know what i am supposed to do if anyone has been through this extremely childish, stupid situation i would appreciate an email PLEASE


thanks so much

I have this problem, I have been seeing this guy for a few months, we get along great one day and then they next he says he dont want a commitment, relationship or girlfried. But then he gives me mixed signals. Should I lose this guy or stay for the long haul?

joanna, this is a small issue, and he have to understand and know the truth that u ignored that call,and tell your friend also not to call your number.if your bf still stick to his sister,then it is better to leave him now,otherwise he will always listen to her or his family and ruin your Future.

IVE BEEN WITH MY FIANCEE FOR 8 YEARS AND ENGAGED FOR 1. IM 22YEARS OLD. HE HAS THIS THING THAT RELLY BUGS ME. HE LIKE TO GO OUT ALL THE TIME WITH HIS FRIENDS. WE DONT LIVE TOGETHER WE ARE STILL WITH OUR PARENTS. BUT IT BUGS ME. HES INTO SPORTS AND JUST HANGING SO HES NOT DOING ANYTHING BAD. BUT THIS PAST WEEK I FOUND OUT HE WAS WITH A "FRIEND" WHO HAPPENS TO BE A GIRL. THIS REALLY BURNED ME BUT HE SAYS SHES A FRIEND AND THEY WERE JUST HANGING OUT. THE WHOLE FAMILY IS LIKE THAT. THEY FEEL YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH ANYONE AND ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. BUT I WAS BROUGT UP IN AN OLD FASHIONED HOUSE WHERE IF YOU ARE COMMITED TO SOMEONE, DOING THAT DOESNT LOOK RIGHT. WELL, WE WORKED IT OUT AND HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN SINCE IT HURT ME. NOW HERES THE PROBLEM. ON THANKSGIVING, SOME KID(HES LIKE 17), FROM MY CHURCH WAS CALLING ME LIKE 4 TIMES IN A ROW. I JUST IGNORED HIS CALLS AND WENT ON MY WAY. I WAS AT MY FIANCEES AUNTS HOUSE WITH THE FAMILY. HIS SISTER, WHOM WE HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WAS THERE BUT I SAW NO BIG DEAL CUZ I IGNORED THE CALLS. AND THIS IS KID WHO IN HIS BRAIN IS LIKE 10 AND I GREW UP WITH HIM. SO MY FIANCEE AND HIS SISTER WERE TALKING ABOUT THE PAST ARGUMENT THIS PAST WEEK AND SHE MENTIONED THE KID CALLING MY PHONE. SO NOW AFTER ALL WAS FINE AND DANDY, HE SCREAMS AT ME ABOUT HOW IM MAKING HIM CHANGE THINGS BUT THAT ANOTHER MAN CALLS MY PHONE! NOW BECAUSE OF HIS SISTER, WE ARENT TALKING AND NOW I DONT KNOW ANOUT THE WEDDING(ITS ON IN MAY). IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, I CALLED OFF THE WEDDING WHEN HE SAID THAT HES GONNA KEEP HANGING OUT WITH HIS FRIEND. MY SISTER CALLED HIM AFTER THE DRAMA, AND HE SAYS HE STILL WANTS TO MARRY ME BUT THAT I HAVE TO MAKE COMPROMISES TOO, NOT JUST HIM. BUT MY ARGUMENT IS THAT THIS IS JUST A KID AND I DIDNT GO OUT WITH HIM DRIVING AROUND BY MYSELF WITH HIM. NOT ONLY AM I UPSET WITH HIM BUT IM UPSET WITH HIS SISTER CUZ SHE SAID THAT. WE ALWAYS TELL EACH OTHER SECRETS AND SHE BLEW UP THIS STUPID KID CALLING. SHE ALSO IS IN THE WEDDING. WHAT DO I DO? BE MAD AT HER? NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TELL HIM ITS JUST A KID HE SAYS ITS STILL A GUY CALLING ME. I WISH HE UNDERSTOOD ME. IT WAS DIFFERENT CUZ I DIDNT GO ANYWHERE WITH HIM OR ANY GUY. I CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND HOW MANY GUYS CALL BUT IM STILL WRONG. WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I SAY? IM DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY!!! I WOULD FEEL BETTER IF HE CALLED BUT HES TOO UPSET WITH ME. HELP!!

hello everyone..i have a serious problem and i would like some
one to give me their honest opinoin and what to do. Im 17 years
old and im engaged. ive been with the person im with for
5months. engaged for 2months. i really love my guy alot. in my
past realationship of 10months I suffered alot he broke up with
me and it was very hurtful i intended to end mylife couple days
after X-mas i was getting help from the people who worked at
the hospital i was in, i got counseling for 3months it really
helped alot so i thought to myself that i didnt need it anymore
so i stoped going i was really doing, time passed by and i met
the guy who im engaged to, when I 1st met him we clicked right
away and we started going out,so since everything is going out
great we decided to get married by court since im only 17 i need
my parents permission. his parents met my parents and talked
about how we want to get married everything got cleared out
and it was ready..but i did something really stupid and i ruined
it..i didnt come home one day i had spent the night with him my
mom was really mad and upset with me..we didnt talk for days i
was thinking about what to do..cuz she had told me if i wanted
to go live with him already that i should just go and leave..i
chose not to becuz i want to do it the right way with my parents
being okay with it, then she had told me that she wasnt going to
come with me and sign the papers i got really upset so now i
have no idea what to do i have so many emotions on me and im
gettin depressed its really hard not talkin to my mom..and last
night i was talkin to my guy and at 1st with all this he had told
me to just take my time to make my choice and now hes saying
that im not doing much that if i really loved him i would talk to
my mom about everything that got me really upset becuz i did
feel that i was doing something..im trying my hardest i had told
him that it is so easy for him becuz he doesnt have to deal with
all these emotions im just confused i need help and i dont have
anybody thats why im here..thanks for taking the time for
reading this and if u have any ideas on what i should do please
tell me or email me it would be very appricated thanks and god
bless you

I am in a interracial partnership for over 10 years. He is 35 years older than I. I am concerned his health is getting worse, however, I feel boxed into his grown up kids demands and their abusive feedback towards me. I feel in the middle of tug-of-war and my partner. Should I leave him or should I endure more rudeness?? I feel as though I am a slave and they expect me to take it or else...I don't have financial means...health ins...Who could I see Or who could I get help with my rights? (If any).

Dear No kidding ,

Dont give up , something good is waiting 4 you , we all have our best wishes 4 you. I too was suffering because my GF cheated on to me for another guy. Still you need to move on with life, Time plays the best healing medicine. you feel at time that you have lost every thing and that there is no meaning to your life but THIS IS NOT TRUE, life has more to offer, There is no use of ending your life for some who does not deserve your love. No point in Crying over the issue. Enjoy life and take this as an experience . Forgive her and move on life with positive thought.

Wish you all the best.

I am a partner in a relationship with a young female attending college and we have been together for three years. Our relationship has been an experience throughout the years and we have grown to know one another better and better each day, but there is something still wrong with our relationship. We have a problem when we get into a arguement, one of us seems to get more aggressive than the other sometimes its her and sometimes its me(not physical) but verbally. We are looking to find a solution to this problem. We know that we both love each other but we seem to get very defensive in some of these arguements. We will let some of the smallest things turn into a major event. Leaving us not knowing what got us there, we try to evaluate the situation and we know that the problems are there we just dont know how to deal with them. If anyone has any suggestions then please write.

We are working out GREAT! A 20 year old female as a full-time college student earning a BA in Communications, loving girlfriend who is part of an awesome relationship with a man 8 yrs. older, and started pre-marital living two weeks after dating one year ago. There hasn't been a day that my boyfriend and I haven't seen each other. We aren't equal in our relationship because there are certain strengths that he has that I don't and vice versa. That's what makes us work because we understand each other on a physical and most importantly mental state of mind. It's important in our relationship that we understand and trust each other. Since we've been living together for nearly a year, we've grown to love each other more and more. A potential problem in every relationship is being economically unstable. My boyfriend and I take care of each other and make sure that we have our goals of success, so that in a few years we would be ready for marraige. I agreed with my parents that I wouldn't commit to marraige until I could successfully obtain my degree. Being that he's older and much stable, he doesn't have to worry about school because he's already recieved his degree and now that he owns his own company and is President of a potential billion dollar company, he understands that I too must finish school to become a successful TV anchor. In doing so, he respectfully reminds me that I don't have to work so I could put all my NRG towards my educational and career goals. We love living together, not only because we're together everyday, but most importantly because we're able to talk about all of our issues truthfully. Our parents respect that we love each other and they see how we've grown greatly as a couple from living with one another. Most of our friends have tried breaking us apart because they are jealous and envious of our wonderful relationship. At the rate our relationship is growing there can never be anyone else to replace him or me. He always let's me know that I treat him the best, but that's because he treats me the same! It has been one year and we still act like we're a new couple. When we first moved in with each other, it was a very classy and expensive townhome that was all for show, but then we had to settle for a studio because we couldn't afford it. Living in a studio together for 4 months definitly helped our relationship out because there was nothing that could be hidden in the studio. We grew to know everything about each other, from living habits to daily scheduals. We cannot see our relationship ever falling into the category of unsuccessful pre-marital living couples becuase we understand that we're the best for each other. I hope that our relationship has given some sort of hope and understanding for those of you that are going to take the same step I did. I'll be sure to update you soon. Thanks for taking time to read this.
Kind Regards,
Natasha

Alias, you should consider some facts before you shack up with your boyfriend. By facts, I mean you should take a look at a report published about 4 years ago by the US Bureau of the Census. They found that those who live together had the following characteristics: More spousal abuse, greater use of illegal drugs, more child abuse, lower educational levels when compared to those who did not live together. The relationships lasted on average 18 months. The really surprising finding was that the divorce rate of those who lived together before marriage was actually greater than for those who lived apart. This is not to say that living together causes all these negative outcomes. Rather, it means that people with these backgrounds and tendencies tend to live together moreso than those who do not have these negative tendencies.

However, you should be able to see the handwriting on the wall with this guy and his spending habits. He's always going to be a child with money, and you'll always be bailing him out. He's not for you; dump him.

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