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• Marriage Problems [1] 1/22 10:31am

• I WANT A DOG!! [1] 7/12 07:28pm

• Different caste and older girl!! [1] 6/29 08:35am

• We Both want to divorce, but he wont pay for it and I cant afford it! [1] 2/27 05:11am

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Dear Amit,

If you truly love her and are meant to be together then you can make it work but you have a tough battle ahead of you. Maybe you will lose your parents for a time. Most likely with time and as you start your own family your parents will come around. They will most likely never be understanding before you marry your girlfriend though.

Caste systems are unenlightened thought, a relic of the past that has too much power today. You don't want to raise your family based on that kind of thought anyway. You don't want to base your life on that and you don't your children to think that way. Since that is the basis of your parent's objection I think it is not wrong for you to make your own choice.

I don't want to be irresponsible in my advice. It will be difficult and painful if you make this decision. It will be no matter what. But you gave this woman 7 years and you are a man now not a child. You say you are ready for marriage. So if you want it you have to fight for it. I am in a different culture so maybe for you it would be even harder to make this decision. My wife is from India though and at some points in time she had to make a similar decision. But she was raised outside of India so she has a different set of values. How does your girlfriend feel and how does her family feel? At least the support of one family would be good.

But in the end there is no perfect decision where you can make your parents happy and also make you and your girlfriend happy. You have to choose your priorities. There are other threads about this on this board. You have to choose your values. My personal opinion is that your personal happiness is worth more than any system of prejudice that oppresses people. I feel for your parents, but really they hurt themselves by being close-minded and it is important little by little for people to leave those ideas behind.

Make your decision and follow through on it without looking back.

Hi this is amit (25 yr. Old) and I am working in MNC her in India. I have my girlfriend from last 7 years. We both are having healthy relationship with each other. Now we are going to decide for marriage. But my parents are totally against coz she is from different cast (Sindhi) and i am Kayastha. Otherwise there is no problem like family status and education n all. My parents were knows about us since 5 years back and from then, they are having the same, cast problem. And seriously I am not still undrestand what is this cast problem? I still had not directaly talk with my parents about this matter but they told me a lot of times that if u wants to marry her then go ahead we don’t have any problem but you will have to leave us. We wont kept any relationship with you guys further.
I am very confused now that what to do? As I cant leave my parents and cant live without my girlfriend. All the time m thinking and not to consuntrate on my work. Plz help me? Reply my email id as soon as possible.

All parents have some Xpectation from their Children,its will hurt them if u run away and marry,still After all its your life, and u r ready to take it challenge,and face life and truth of a long jeourny with love.and u r able to take care of her, and u r 18+, go and get marry in Court and ask your parents for belssings.

Best of luck

I m 26 Yrs old i have Girl Friend I love her and She also love me.But i told that for our safety we do court marriage without inform her parents. But she said 1st we tell her parents that we love each other.If they said no for marriage. Then she run with me and we make court marriage.But i dont want to lose her so please tell that she is right or wrong can this is safe for me?

Gokul,Every thing is ok with you both,why r u botherd about your parents,you both are old enough to start a family and happy life,why r u asking your parents,after all its your life.if something goes wrong with your parents arranged marriage ,then they will not take any responsibilities,they say ist your problem,so why to ask them.

Hi,
Here is the intresting story needs your valuable advice. I am a guy living in Chennai. I found a girl in my company. Started talking to her and found herself as a girl of my expectations. Very soon we found each other is a good match. We both decided(not yet started to do so called LOVE...) to inform parents. I got partial approval from my parents. But her side, their parents are not accepting her wish. They say you are a child. We will see a good guy for you. We both not belongs to same caste but both are backward class only. Then I am non-veg and she is pure veg. They said, food,culture..will be a problem. You are a child and will not be able to handle....But she is trying her best to convince by her emotions...My parents are ready to talk to them, but they are not. Meanwhile my parents are looking for other bride horos from our relatives. I am bit confused out here. Should i have to wait till She try her best or give a go ahead for my parents. I am also dont want to loose her. She too dont want to miss me. Your valuable suggesstions would help to proceed further better...

Hello,
I am a 27 year old hindu punjabi male in the US from a wealthy family in India. I was lazy and did not educate myself in India, assuming I would work for my father. My wife (3 years although we lived apart for 2.4 years while she studied) has always been unstable emotionally and it got to the point where she could not go 5 hours without screaming, crying, hitting. I know she married me to escape her at that time "horrible parents." I was young and stupid and fell in love. First time I ever had sex was with her, etc. She suddenly became best friends with her parents after and she and the whole relationship changed. The basis of our marriage was not strong at all. I don't think one can get married to run away from something else andbe happy for the long run.
We lived in our house in India and my mother adores her regardless of what went on. The manipulation of my loving mother was an Oscar winning performance. Although she may compare her to an annoying dog in private, in public she couldn't have been "more closer" Even her infidelities were not taken seriously by my mother. When I discovered she had been meeting and being sexual with other men, my mother dismissed it as "it can't be true." When she left for America, indefinately, and left me in India (saying she may/may not come back in 1.5 years - you are free to do what you want for that time) I fell in love with someone else. My father and brothers agreed for divorce. My mother said, absolutely not, go to her in America, and work it out. I thought going to America would be a good opportunity to gain independence and get an education. I also thought that as I got used to America I could explain to my parents I wanted out of the whole situtation and start an independent life for the first time. The problem is financial independence. I lived in a joint family and I was solely dependent on my father's money. Now I am dependent on my inlaws room and board, my fathers tuition payments, and my wife who I do not love but can tolerate so I am not out on the streets. My mother continues to want me to stay with the marriage and any promises of money in a few month are dependent on the fact that I am married. This is killing the person I love who is strong and independent and assumed I would leave this situation. I want to stay in America with my love and get out of the situation but I have no idea how to even begin to convince my parents who control my life financialy until I get a minimal degree (which is 3.5 years) that I want a divorce and to live on my own. They have money, but even though my mother, who is loving and manipulated by my wife to an extreme won't begin to reason. I get angry at the one I love and keeping telling her to give me time - I have to convince my parents. I feel like such a jack ass because she can't understand why I can't break away so quickly because of my parents. I want to get out as quiclky as possible. What is your advice?


Dear Confused

First of all, make it clear that you are an ADULT.
You do have certain obligations to your family and parents but you must not live in denial.

If you dont tell the truth now you wont be liberated ever.
Telling the truth will cause you imbalance but thats the only way out.
If you can make it on your own, you can achieve that.

If you are not in position to do so, you should very sincerely have a talk with your wife and ask her what exactly she wants and whether she loves you.

May be you dont know her deeper. People change.
Try knowing her and let her know yourself.

The only person to whom you have any obligation at this point is your current wife.
You cant depend on others but you have accepted to do so for a price.

You will have to sacrifice what you want.
If you want the girlfriend you must leave your wife and her family support now.
Dont worry about your mother - she will understand for sure once you can show that you were not happy.

If you want to know your wife and make yourself strong and make her fall in love with you, that will be the best and in that case forget your girlfriend.

3rd option is that you divorce, stand on your own feet, get a PT job, study and try being your own self. When you reach that point take a free decision.

Look at larger picture of life.
Best of luck.
editor marriagepartner.com

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