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Dear Editor: We had an agreed to divorce, I am suppose to get my 18 yrs. of his retirement but in order to do that I have to have an attorney and being disabled but not yet getting benefits that is impossible or seems that way I might add that because of my chronic pain he made sure that he kept me so doped up that I wouldn't notice what he was doing and of course he didn't want to go to court because he knew his butt would be in jail, the attorney I had knew this information but let me sign the agreed to divorce anyway and now that he is married which I might add is illegal since it hasn't been 6 months, that he took me off his insurance all of which I could take him back to court for and it would set aside the divorce and we would have to start over, legally he isn't even suppose to be living with the opposite sex until the 6 month period is up.


I tried to get help through legal aid but they said they couldn't help me they said so now I am addicted to pain medication, although I have stopped taking it but the pain was so intense that I have to have some medication for the pain the pain was so bad that I couldn't even walk or get something to eat, so it makes it very hard to move on with my life with little money and a car that he was to provide that is dependable but it has been in the shop at least 6 or 7 times since May 2006, I have a case against him but no way to fight and I have wrote the letters you spoke of but still nothing also he put all the bills in either his name or both our names which makes no sense other than to build his credit back up because he knows I would go hungry before not paying the bills.

Any one with any ideas please feel free to email me or post on the board. Thank You 1st post on June 28, 2006

divorced from a man that cheated from day one but I didn't care because I loved him but after I became disabled he started staying weekends with his girlfriend he finally moved in with her and 1 month after the divorce papers were signed he married her that I don't care about but during the marriage he managed to distroy my relationtionship with my daughter and when our son lived with me he refused to talk to him about minding me, so our son moved with his dad and girlfriend at the time so now I am disabled and my children have both told me how they hate me even though when they were growing up I didn't work so i could attend all of there school activiates etc and their father is poisioning our son against me and leering him with money and cars and who knows what else. Any advice would be appreciated. I have tried everything. Thank you for listening.

The manipulating spouse can do anything, virtually, literally anything to reach a goal, specially when it is to have a third party.

You can make your life wonderful by just dissolving your past as an experience and let it sail on its own. Write a long letter to everyone and tell them the facts without being sarcastic and explain what you went through and what you go through.

The truth always leads and even if suppressed it does triumph at the end.

You must disassociate yourself from anyone who is not respectful to you, despite your being respectful to them.
Deattach your self from anyone who does not respect you. Get over once and live your life peacefully surrounded by a few good friends.

We can not try to force someone to love us. If you create a decent distance and create a new life, you will soon realize people coming back to you.

Get past this experience of marriage and go on to next step now. Live your life the way you want and like.

editor

Anonymous:

Why didn't you get an attorney during the divorce and fight for half of everything? Legally half of everything you have together belongs to you (including his retirement). I would contest the divorce and get a new attorney to fight for you.

What do you do? You move on and enjoy life and find a new partner that will stick by you and with you through sickness and in health. Thank god you got rid of this selfish jerk who could not even stand by you in your time of need.

There are plenty of older men out there for you. If you aren't interested in a partner join a gym, or a social group, get out there and get busy.
Don't waste buckets of tears on that selfish man. Life is too short and way too precious to spend it with emotionally draining people.

I was married for 27 yrs. and 6 mos. ago my husband asked for a divorce, his reason being, he was "tired of taking care of everyone". I worked menial jobs part time so I could be there for my children and my husband. I kept a clean house, ironed his shirts, mowed, had a hot meal waiting every night he walked in from work. I didn't let myself "go" and was always showered and clean everyday. I am 55 yrs. old now, my son just left for college last week, and my 26 yr. old daughter moved away two months ago because of a job offer. I have no skills or formal education (college). I thought at this point in my life I would reap the rewards of all that I have worked so hard for, and finally enjoy being alone with my husband. I might add, I was diagnosed with a really awfull sickness, which I had no symptoms. I gave blood after 9-11 and found out that my blood carried this. I was put on a very strong medication and had to inject every week, which made me sick and mentally out of it for 6 mos. then I lost most of my hair. My husband stayed away during this time as much as possible, traveling with his job and just being absent. He knew I wasn't able to grocery shop or do anything for the first time in our married life. With my son still at home and in his Senior year of High School, he was left to deal with me all by himself. There is so much more to say. I am finished with the medication, and after a year feel better, hair is back, and am happy that the blood work finds no sign of the Hepatitis C that I contracted from a blood transfusion years ago in my system. I have my health back. I just can't enjoy it since my husband left me. How long does this feeling of anger and lonliness go on, and what happens to women like me that spent their whole married life taking care of the family and home? I get nothing-he gets his retirement, his income of 80,000 dollars a year. I walk away with no job skills or retirement or much social security to look forward to since I was a waitress a few nights a week for years. Husband walks away with everything after ruining all the plans and future holidays for me and our wonderful children. Thanks for letting me vent. Discarded at 55.

hi maitreya i divorced at 12 years ago after him i had another long relationship was no trust in betveen him and me and difrent language difrent religion now i am seperated from him as well 48 years old ,,, do you thing i should still hope to meet with someone who will love me ....

i never understood why divorces had to be hateful until now. i am going through a divorce at 52 years of age and after all of his lies and deceptions i have learned the feeling. but i cannot (and no one should) let the other person turn you into a negative and angry being that cannot find happiness to live for. yes, i am having a tough time of it. my self-esteem is at an all time low and i find myself lately saying that i hate him. The problem is that i am setting a pattern of negativity and self-destructive thoughts. trust again?...that is so difficult at this time. it has been 9 months since i received my surprise divorce and even tho friends have tried to get me to go out i cannot do it yet...not because i am still in love with my husband....that ended 9 months ago....but because i do not trust men. i know that all men are not alike but then i thought my husband was a good guy. good guys don't lie and cheat but to take the chance again really is frightening to me. i would love to have a male friend to talk to and go out with but i feel that he would want more....just because he is a man....not a fair assumption on my part but right now that is how i feel...fair or not. most days i want to crawl in a hole and not participate in life.

how does one get back what they have lost after you thought you would be together forever, i feel as if i have this hugh wall up. i have tryed to commite again and it seems as if trust is still a factor.i do not want to walk around with the scares haunting me, the feeling of hate is eating at me.it seems as if what you thought was one thing and it totally turns out to be something that it is not. forever is not.my question is how does one let go of hate for what someone else did to you, its seems as if thats what is stopping me from making that real break from unhappiness.

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