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Frozen relationship - What should I do

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bishu again
actally few people attend inthis list
and possibly no congenitally infertile girl here
so i am not reponded yet
ok still i am in hope that i will get a reply

any one is their for me
bishu

i am bishu
deserve a infertile girl
i am a doctor suffering from kallmann syndrome

Marriage is 2 edged sword.
Marriage is like balancing on 2 boats.
Marriages is bed of Roses and some thorns (some finds thorns only)

Marriage is Successfull only if there is Sacrifies and understanding not love and lust, both fade away sooner or later.

I am a college student and I am doing a research paper on marriage. I want to know how everybody out there makes it through it? How peoples relationships are? How you solve your problems with each other. This is what I want to figure out. Thank you

dear student

Marriage like life is a tunnel of fire where you must plunge in and feel the heat.. You cant ever know or guess or theorize. Theories are useless in relationships.

It is like spiritual experience - very personal...without much to write.

editor

iv been married for yje past 10 years . and we got married for the wrong reasons iv been with this man since i was 15 years old. we have been threw alot together threw years of cheating treating me like im still 15. to me having a nervous breakbown at the age of 25. today im 26 and im more confused part wants to make it work the other why im to scared. do all marrages be like this

Responce to Anon1 on Monday, May 19, 2003 - 08:21 pm:
1. The facts are, we were married 13 1/2 years- plus years and the last two years, we staarted arguing over little things that had grown to have a life of is's own.The first 10 plus years of the marrage were vary happy rewarding years.

2.The way it works now is that:
The way it really works is we discuss are needs
and then proceed.It's not a dictated order from
one party to the outher.

3.I make friends and we socialize whether we are happy or sad:
I think is go's like this, my wife and I have mutual friends and we socialize beacuase we chosen do so.

3.If I am mad at him for some things, I try not to talk about it and he does the same. Because before I used to try to work out things and he will say sorry or he will say I will improve but that never happened.

In the early years of our marrage my wife gave
me advice that I use from time to time "learn to pick your battles". I often wonder about that advise today.

4. We have been fighting infertility for 5 years but if I do not make efforts to find the doctors, make appointment etc. He does not talk about it:
The facts are that we had some disagrments which I don"t find unnormal.Some of disagrments got were worked out and some were not. The statment fighting infertility 5 years is a compleately fabricated. Once again the facts are 2 1/2 years of disagements and 6 mounts of the tearm my wife
uses infertility. She was not showing any sign of disapointment or anger until the last 6 mounths. When a person gets upset their is a signal thats says "LET TALK" my wife did not use signal until the last 6 mounths.

you are binded in a business contract not in a natural marriage. You're not in love so how will you find the motivation to love?
like a business, get rid of everything that is meaningless and negatively stressful. Cut the fat so you can remain sharp and trim.
Ask yourself each day, are you a problem solver or a problem maker?

when you are not part of the solution , your are probably the problem.

Go with your guts. Leave. That may save you.

I have been married for 10 years. We had an arranged marriage. For first 3 years we argued a lot. Then we got some therapy and tried to make things work.

The way it works now is that--
1. I know what needs to be done at home. I ask him to do certain things and he does it.

2. I make friends and we socialize whether we are happy or sad.

3. If I am mad at him for some things, I try not to talk about it and he does the same. Because before I used to try to work out things and he will say sorry or he will say I will improve but that never happened.

4. We have been fighting infertility for 5 years but if I do not make efforts to find the doctors, make appointment etc. He does not talk about it.

5. He just likes to spend his time with computer, no matter what time of the Day and Night it is.

6. Most of the time he ignore my needs. He only takes care of things when I am sick but to the extend of bringing groceries etc.

7. We do not get initimate often and when we do
I feel nothing. Most of the time he only gets eraction if he touches himself. But he always says that whatever I do is okay. He doesnot get ereaction with any fourplay. I told him once that I like to kiss and now he makes sure not to kiss me.

I am sorry for this long message but I am at a point where I want to leave him.

Am I wrong, I am scared that I might have to live alone for rest of my life. I am 38 years old.

What should I do?

No you are not wrong.

You are in a relation without any communication.
On top you seem to have little chemistry.

He is resentful and distant because you dont have same wavelenght of mind.

You come out of your fear shell, talk to him, smile, laugh, go out and forget past. If you can DATE HIM and talk fine and you should be ok soon.

If not get a divorce and remarry. If there is no chemistry you can create one but that only happens if there is OPEN communication not in a PRETENDED and fake relationship.

Editor

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